Son got first job, fair rate for board

Terminal_Boy · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:21

If either of my two move back home after Uni, they'll be paying their share of the monthly grocery and utilities bills.

They weren't charged while studying towards A levels despite working as they were both saving money to live on when at Uni.

dowie · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:24

Sudden said:
I don't think i'll ever understand this culture of charging your children.

Do you need the cash he contributes? If no, don't charge. If yes, then he should be contributing whatever you need, regardless.

But maybe that view is because I didn't grow up here.

Its common in other cultures too... once the kids become bread winners they start contributing - look at Asia for example - multi-generation households - they don't just contribute a bit but are expected to fully support and pay for the parents who retire and carry on living with them.

I'm sure in the west that the parents will be forking out later too to help with a wedding etc.. an adult, living at home and earning money while consuming resources, should at least make a contribution... its not about whether the parents can afford to its about fairness... why should they pay for everything when the kid is now in full time employment, he /she can at least start contributing towards bills etc.. Its fine if you're a student/unemployed but once you've got the means to contribute then I just don't see how people can be happy to simply sponge of parents when they might be looking at retirement soon and you're in a position to pay for your share.

Richdog · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:27

dowie said:
I'm sure in the west that the parents will be forking out later too to help with a wedding etc.. an adult, living at home and earning money while consuming resources, should at least make a contribution... its not about whether the parents can afford to its about fairness... why should they pay for everything when the kid is now in full time employment, he /she can at least start contributing towards bills etc.. Its fine if you're a student/unemployed but once you've got the means to contribute then I just don't see how people can be happy to simply sponge of parents when they might be looking at retirement soon and you're in a position to pay for your share.

Cast-iron and irrefutable logic imo. Sadly, some people seem to think common sense is something that only happens to other people.

dowie · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:29

atpbx said:
You have to declare anything you charge them over £81 a week as taxable income.

not necessarily

that covers lodgers/rent... paying a share of food, bills isn't taxable (though is likely to be less than £81 a week regardless)

Even then supposing it was some imaginary scenario in central London and a wealthy family, wealthy offspring and the charge/share of expenses came to over £81 a week - you'd easily be able to split it - £X for bills, £Y 'rent' and ensure Y is < £81

Adrianr · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:36

JohnnyG said:
We started 'charging' our eldest £50pw when he started earning proper money after uni about 2 years ago which we felt was a fair amount.
It had nowt to do with us thinking he needed to learn the value of money or any principles and we certainly didn't need or want the extra cash but **** me it came in handy and we bought some great stuff with it!

At least you're not trying to dress it up as something it isn't!

If you want your son to pay for you new TV and a holiday in the maldives just say so. Don't try and kid us and yourselves that you're doing it to teach him the value of money.

RoboCod · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:38

Yer again, arguing because we have differing opinions.

Some people think it's OK to charge their off spring board.
Some people think it's not ok to charge their off spring board.
Some people will charge their children board.
Some people will not charge their children board.
It only matters to you and your family if you charge your children board or not.
You are not wrong if you charge your children board or not.
The end.

Richdog · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:44

Adrianr said:
At least you're not trying to dress it up as something it isn't!

If you want your son to pay for you new TV and a holiday in the maldives just say so. Don't try and kid us and yourselves that you're doing it to teach him the value of money.

Yes, because god forbid a father tries to teach his kid the value of things, and get them to contribute to a household system they use constantly. It must have course always be to buy nice new shiny things. Another display of awesome logic.

chief barker · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:46

When my eldest started work he gave us £100 per month.

After a while we noticed he was, shall we say 'taking the pee' I confronted him on why he was doing the things he was doing and his reply was "But I pay rent" yes he does but it doesn't give him the right to take over the house.

That got sorted out very quickly.

He doesn't take the pee now and gives his mum the money every month with no questions.

RoboCod · 13 Sep 2014 at 14:48

Richdog said:
Yes, because god forbid a father tries to teach his kid the value of things, and get them to contribute to a household system they use constantly. It must have course always be to buy nice new shiny things. Another display of awesome logic.

I think it's a respect thing as well. If the son / daughter mucks in and does work around the house, great. If he/she lays about all day playing video games and eating everything in the cupboards then they need a reality slap.

Sudden · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:06

dowie said:
Its common in other cultures too... once the kids become bread winners they start contributing - look at Asia for example - multi-generation households - they don't just contribute a bit but are expected to fully support and pay for the parents who retire and carry on living with them.

I grew up in India and fully expect to support, if needed, my parents. More so now given that mom has just retired. But there's the difference between supporting, and making your child contribute to 'teach them'. And support is not just to survive but maintain the lifestyle they have as well.

My parents would never expect me to contribute rent etc.. However (and this is an assumption), they would expect me to help out financially if needed. And that of course I would. The key difference is - if needed. I fully expect the child to contribute if the parents need it. Not so much if they don't.

Richdog · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:07

Captain Planet said:
I think it's a respect thing as well. If the son / daughter mucks in and does work around the house, great. If he/she lays about all day playing video games and eating everything in the cupboards then they need a reality slap.

Yes, also this.

Rroff · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:08

Sudden said:
I grew up in India and fully expect to support, if needed, my parents. More so now given that mom has just retired. But there's the difference between supporting, and making your child contribute to 'teach them'. And support is not just to survive but maintain the lifestyle they have as well.

My parents would never expect me to contribute rent etc.. However (and this is an assumption), they would expect me to help out financially if needed. And that of course I would. The key difference is - if needed. I fully expect the child to contribute if the parents need it. Not so much if they don't.

I think that bit is quite an important aspect - I'm fairly sure a lot of parents do it just because its the way its always been done without really putting any thought into why.

dowie · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:14

Sudden said:
I grew up in India and fully expect to support, if needed, my parents. More so now given that mom has just retired. But there's the difference between supporting, and making your child contribute to 'teach them'. And support is not just to survive but maintain the lifestyle they have as well.

re-read the OP - he's not talking about teaching them anything but simply making a contribution to living expenses

My parents would never expect me to contribute rent etc.. However (and this is an assumption), they would expect me to help out financially if needed. And that of course I would. The key difference is - if needed. I fully expect the child to contribute if the parents need it. Not so much if they don't.

that's the bit I don't understand... would you not feel guilty letting them pay for your living expenses if you're earning money... suppose your mum works part time earning not much, your dad earns 30K and you've got into a profession after uni earning 40k plus... you're living at home for a few months initially - would you not feel guilty that they're paying for your food & bills while you're in a position to cover your own expenses?

Richdog · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:21

dowie said:
that's the bit I don't understand... would you not feel guilty letting them pay for your living expenses if you're earning money... suppose your mum works part time earning not much, your dad earns 30K and you've got into a profession after uni earning 40k plus... you're living at home for a few months initially - would you not feel guilty that they're paying for your food & bills while you're in a position to cover your own expenses?

If a person didn't feel guilty or some sense of moral obligaiton in that situation, one could only assume that their parents went wrong somewhere down the line when raising them.

Reality|Bites · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:46

Sudden said:
I don't think i'll ever understand this culture of charging your children.

Do you need the cash he contributes? If no, don't charge. If yes, then he should be contributing whatever you need, regardless.

But maybe that view is because I didn't grow up here.

Do you not think it would teach and benefit the child to learn about paying bills and budgeting before he is out in the real world on his own?

pepsilol · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:49

I'd be embarrassed to ever take money from my children regardless of the situation.

Iamzod · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:52

I paid £140 I think per month, but that also put me on the insurance for both my dads cars as a named driver. (I had my own but his Volvo estate was far better for anything requiring a boot or more than 1 passenger).

I wasn't earning as much back then however, probably taking home about £970 a month (2004), I'd say anything upto £200 personally but no more. Paying board was of benefit to me as it made moving out less of a shock to the finances.

It did come with a condition however, we agreed if I pay board my room had a lock on it and only I had a key, it was literally my room.

Sudden · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:53

dowie said:
re-read the OP - he's not talking about teaching them anything but simply making a contribution to living expenses

that's the bit I don't understand... would you not feel guilty letting them pay for your living expenses if you're earning money... suppose your mum works part time earning not much, your dad earns 30K and you've got into a profession after uni earning 40k plus... you're living at home for a few months initially - would you not feel guilty that they're paying for your food & bills while you're in a position to cover your own expenses?

The OP may not be, but a fair few others in this thread are doing it in order to teach them.

The scenario you're putting across is different. In that situation, it is likely that the parents do need support. And if that was the case, of course I would contribute. However, if the parents are well off enough that you living there or not living there would make zero difference, then, no, I wouldn't feel guilty in the least. Similarly, I would never expect them to feel guilty if they stayed with me for any period of time. And as stated above, I would expect to, if needed, make sure they were ok. If for instance that means sending some money back home every month, then I would.

My parents are likely coming to visit at some point next year and may stay a couple of months or so. Are you suggesting I should expect them to contribute...?

There is a very clear difference in mind at least between contributing because 'it is expected' and contributing because it is needed.

Sudden · 13 Sep 2014 at 15:54

Reality|Bites said:
Do you not think it would teach and benefit the child to learn about paying bills and budgeting before he is out in the real world on his own?

Do you think that's the only way to teach them that? My parents taught me that through pocket money when I was very young, and after that, it just seemed common sense to me. They taught me to save, calculate outgoings and income etc., and managed to do all of that without asking or expecting me to pay rent.

dowie · 13 Sep 2014 at 16:32

Sudden said:
The scenario you're putting across is different. In that situation, it is likely that the parents do need support. And if that was the case, of course I would contribute.

nope in the hypothetical scenario the parents are doing fine its just that the son is able to contribute... he happens to earn more than the dad in that scenario but should that matter? Surely the point is that he is able to contribute, is costing them money and so should should cover his share which he can easily afford to do.

My parents are likely coming to visit at some point next year and may stay a couple of months or so. Are you suggesting I should expect them to contribute...?

I'm sure you visit them too... perhaps not for two months but its a different scenario - they've still got their own home too.

There is a very clear difference in mind at least between contributing because 'it is expected' and contributing because it is needed.

the topic isn't about 'need', the OP hasn't stated that he is in financial difficulties its simply about fairness and what is a fair amount... basically say you're earning money, your parents are paying for things for you because you're living at home - is it fair to contribute to the cost as you're now able to... IMO it is and a fair way to do it is to breakdown some of the bills that will increase with you being there and to make a pro-rata contribution to food/weekly shopping.