Splitting Up with Misses
- Thread starter AthlonTom
- Start date
i think only you can answer how she will take it by asking yourself how would you feel if she split with you over the phone...
i think everyone deserves a face to face "its over" conversation...
is there no way you can resolve the current issues? is she away of the several reasons i.e. buying house and not buying your car and other reasons influencing your decisions?
have you spoken to her about the way you would like to spend the weekend when you get back from a hectic week?
if its really really what you want i would say at least do it to her face...
there is no problem in wanting the things you mentioned, its just that when two people "relate" you have to learn to compromise i.e. sometimes go shopping with her, buy some of the things you want and not all similarly only if she is willing to meet you half way and compromise some of her dreams i.e. buying a house etc...
if you really want to end it i really do think as you have a lot of history to sit her down...
am keen on a personal note to find out whether you have spoken with her about the things that "make you want to end your relationship with her" ???
i think everyone deserves a face to face "its over" conversation...
is there no way you can resolve the current issues? is she away of the several reasons i.e. buying house and not buying your car and other reasons influencing your decisions?
have you spoken to her about the way you would like to spend the weekend when you get back from a hectic week?
if its really really what you want i would say at least do it to her face...
there is no problem in wanting the things you mentioned, its just that when two people "relate" you have to learn to compromise i.e. sometimes go shopping with her, buy some of the things you want and not all similarly only if she is willing to meet you half way and compromise some of her dreams i.e. buying a house etc...
if you really want to end it i really do think as you have a lot of history to sit her down...
am keen on a personal note to find out whether you have spoken with her about the things that "make you want to end your relationship with her" ???
AthlonTom said:
So be it. It's a semi-serious relationship you're both in, so it isn't fair on her if you end it as though it's been a quick fling.
Ultimately it's up to you how you end it, but I'm telling you now, doing it over the phone is cowardly.
KaHn said:Selfish, but if your not happy then it should end, i just think your a wuss for doing it over the phone
KaHn
I don't think its selfish actually now I've thought about it, at 22 I should have money to do what I want to do, I don't want to be the one paying all the rent, all the bills, all the shopping, all the meals, do all the driving, put fuel in her car etc.
And on top of that - I have to spend my weekends in Next/H&M
I suppose the ideal thing would have been to break it off before you'd left for work.
Thing is it sounds like breaking up in person is the thing that has stopped you actually having done it before now. If it's not a serious relationship then a phone call isn't the worse way it could end.
The other option would be to let your mutual friends catch you having a gay threesome. That'll send a message.
Thing is it sounds like breaking up in person is the thing that has stopped you actually having done it before now. If it's not a serious relationship then a phone call isn't the worse way it could end.
The other option would be to let your mutual friends catch you having a gay threesome. That'll send a message.
AthlonTom said:
Then that isn't a relation ship she is taking you for a ride, i work away and see my girlfriend every other weekend, it works for us, but i don't pay for everything, my gf is very independant but when i am home we spend it in a pub, resteraunt and i still make time for friends etc.
A relationship is what you make of it, so yes it is selfish you want your live to be your live, but its how it should be, you shouldnt be there as "the one for someone else" if you do not feel the same.
she will see you as a good catch as you take her shopping, pay for things etc, have you ever sat there and told her "no!"?
KaHn
I'm confused...AthlonTom said:
Does she not have a job? (dont tell me she's a student lol)
Do you not already pay rent/bills?
Doesnt she have friends to go shopping with?
She sounds a little clingy to me, but again as I said you dont seem to have much time to spend with her anyway.
How long is it before you will see her next?
xirokx said:
I've discussed most of this at length with her, she just sits there, grumbles and then carries on with how she wants to spend her weekend.
I do realise the phone is not perfect, but I still think its better than lying to her for the next few months until I see her.
As for whether I'd want to be dumped by phone, I'd rather just know to honest. Job done: Move On: Etc!
In terms of compromising on material goods, I do realise that this is the way relationships should work but I think she's to material herself to make it work, she ensures that I have no choice in my purchases. I think that if we were onto a winner she would have already realised its not fair to extinguish someone elses lifestyle just to have the lifestyle she wants.
To me a balanced relationship would be with a partner who contributed not an equal quantity of cash to the "Living Expences pot" but at least contributed what they could afford to contribute. Rather than just Nothing
This would indicate to me that she doesn't really care/think about your needs.AthlonTom said:
Your relationship seems quite similar to mine, aside from the job. Weekends in bed? How boring. At least in my relationship I get to spend 6am-1pm Saturday & Sunday, on the river without much problems.
Edit:
Sounds to me like my original point was right. She doesn't give much of a toss about you and your feelings. Just your money.AthlonTom said:
If he's away with work now then there's no point in putting it off until he can speak to her in person, personally I think you're right to do it over the phone in these circumstances.
Face to face would always be best though, I've done it both ways and I'll tell you now the phone one was a lot easier but the girl got the idea and didn't pester me much. The face to face one.. well that took a good 4 hours of talking, arguing, her trying to hug me, then asking for "one last time" etc etc. Was hell and THEN she came back a couple of days later and we had to go through the whole thing again, just incase I'd changed my mind.
I got bored of talking about it and almost had to shove her out the door
Face to face would always be best though, I've done it both ways and I'll tell you now the phone one was a lot easier but the girl got the idea and didn't pester me much. The face to face one.. well that took a good 4 hours of talking, arguing, her trying to hug me, then asking for "one last time" etc etc. Was hell and THEN she came back a couple of days later and we had to go through the whole thing again, just incase I'd changed my mind.
I got bored of talking about it and almost had to shove her out the door
Deleted member 58846
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Deleted member 58846
KaHn said:
Skyfall said:
She has a job, and though I don't know her exact earnings I worked it out at around the national average sallary.
I recently moved back in with my parents to save some cash (which irritated her as she had to move back in with her folks to) and make the comute to work easier. I was going to buy a starter home or something similar and get myself a nice car. Now it looks like were buying a bloody mansion and I'll end up with a heap of junk on the drive. The whole reson for me buying a lowend property was to give me more money to save while maintaining a resonable disposable income, afterall - whats the point in a huge house when I'm not having kids anytime soon and the fact that I'll only be their 2 nights a week!
AthlonTom said:
Sounds like you have 2 options
1) Discuss your apparent problems with her
2) Phone her up, ditch her and be done with it.
Only you know which is the right option. If you can see a future for yourselves IF she sorts herself out, #1 is correct, otherwise its #2.