Sports Headlines You Will never See

"Tim Henman wins Wimbledon"

"Paul Merson constructs understandable sentence"

"Ruud Van Nistelrooy wins Grand National"

"Igor Biscan wins Fifteen-to-One"

"Old Trafford in atmosphere shocker"

"Lampard better than Gerrard"

"Crouch gets recognition"

"Gary Neville admits he's a ****"

"Beckham wins second place in regional spelling bee"

"Stephen Lee smiles"

"Worldwide prawn shortage has no adverse effect on attendance figures at Old Trafford"
 
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"Tiger Woods admits to using magic clubs blessed by pixies. 'It's true', said Woods, 'I was given the clubs by an elf when I was 6'"

"Credit given to fans at the US Open as they generously aplaud and cheer Colin Montgomerie as he wins tournament by 6 strokes. One fan who accidentaly booed at the 14th was stamped to death by locals. 'We don't want his kind round here' said one red-neck golfing follower"

"Shumacher can't drive! It was revealed today that Michael Schumacher was banned from driving for life in 1985 for intentonally breaking the suspension of another car at a roundabout in the car park of of Der Tescoshoppen in order to get to the petrol queue first. This fact remained hidden until this day and it has since been announced that Shumacher has had his 8 Formula 1 titles revoked, and his second place to Jaques Villenueve in 1999 invoked, then revoked again. Claims that domestic traffic offences should surely not apply to proffesional track based formula one racing fell upon deaf ears"
 
marscay said:
"gerrard finally realises scousers will never challenge for league and moves to spain"
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I thought this thread was about "headlines you will never see". :eek:

How about :

"Liverpool pay £30 million for Ronaldhino" or any player for that matter :( ;)
 
-Stretford Council uphold complaint from local residents about noise pollution eminating from Old Trafford
-Turkey wins 'fans of the tournament' award
-Boring, Boring Arsenal
-Bramble and Dunne break England record for consequtive clean sheets
-Harry Redknapp forgets about the transfer window
-Wenger condemned by anti-racism campaigners
-Clare Balding comes clean about 6-in-a-bed romp with Premiership stars
-Young Boys Wankdorf erection woe.... oh wait
 
England Stuff Sorry All Blacks:-
Robinson Tactics and Selection Spot On

"I'm Lost For Words" : The Matt Dawson Column

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British Women Breeze into Wimbledon Second Week

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Britain Takes Mixed Doubles Happy Slapping Olympic Gold
"They Didn't Know What Hit Them..." : Read Ron Atkinson's Views Inside
 
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