The all new OCUK joke thread for 2021

I remember the time I went to A&E with a sex injury....not really but I hadn't had a shower and the nurses kept asking how I had hurt my knee after me telling them...too funny when looking back at it.
story goes... for a over a week at work the back of my knee had been getting sorer and sorer everyday, I was off on the Saturday and when I woke up I couldn't even stand on it or I would fall over, I woke up soaking in sweat...
I tried phone my mum for help but no answer, so got ataxi to the hospital myself, I got there and a bit smelly, all the nurses kept asking and smirking about how I did my knee in. I gave an explanation of maybe the bike as I cycle to work everyday, I felt as if I was being interrogated as I was asked the same thing about 20 times!
I left A&E in a velco support thing.
 
Running from the goats
Hiding from the sheep
That's the Chump of Strives
Mountain-high and deep.
 
What's brown and sticky?

A stick.





What's 6 inches long and starts with a P?

A jobby.

:D
 
I often see Jimmy Savile's name misspelled as "Saville". But it is OK since when he died he went 2 L
 
What's the difference between a police man with a speed camera and going down on a woman?

When you go down on a woman you can see the **** behind the bush.
 
The U2 spyplane was designed in the 1950s and it's still in service today because it still hasn't found what it's looking for.
 
I popped into a supermarket to get some deoderant. I couldn't find what I wanted to I asked the cashier.
They asked "ball or aerosol?"
"Neither" I repled. "I want it for my armpits"
 
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