The all new OCUK joke thread for 2021

Athiest, n.: someone who believes what they don't know to be true. Sub specie ad ignorantia
 
I just drove past a tractor with a man shouting 'the end of the world is nigh'. I think it was Farmer Geddon
 
RxR said:
Athiest, n.: someone who believes what they don't know to be true. Sub specie ad ignorantia
Click to expand...

The ignorance is yours, since that's not what atheism is. Were you intending your post as a joke? This is a joke thread, but if there's a joke in your post it's gone past me.

Atheism is a lack of belief in gods. Some atheists believe in the lack of gods and some don't. That's not what defines atheism.

Some people would like to change the meaning of the words 'atheist' and 'agnostic' to both mean 'atheist' (with and without belief in the non-existence of gods), but that would leave no word to describe the position of agnosticism. Thomas Huxley created the word 'agnostic' with a specific meaning to describe a specific philosophical (not merely religious) position. Misusing the word to mean something else doesn't sit right with me.

You'd also have to get into the meaning of the word 'know'. How do you define it? Why should your definition apply to other people? My position on knowledge is agnosticism, but not everyone's is. Some people who believe in the existence of gods (or aliens or ghosts or whatever) consider themselves to know that what they believe is true. From their perspective, they saw a ghost, received a message from their god, whatever, so they regard their position as one of knowledge rather than belief.
 
Back to the jokes...

I've been working with an electric kettle. It's my esteamed colleague.



Two flies had a habit of meeting daily on a manure heap for lunch and a chat. One of them missed a few days so when they came back the other fly asked where they'd been. "I've been on the sick".



An atom was looking for something and was clearly a bit distraught, so another atom asked them what was up:
"I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"
 
I couldn't undo the buttons on my top, tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.
I'm in A&E now waiting to see a cardyologist


When I was a baby, my parents bathed me in Australian lager. It was only later that I realised I was fostered
 
Richard Branson, flying along in his hot air balloon. He looks down and spots an Irish farm, “Where am I?!... Where am I?!...., he yells. The Irish man looks up, “Ya don’t fool me!” He says....... “you’re in that basket!”
 
The only way to kill a French vampire is to plunge a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy but it's actually painstaking.
 
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
awhile, a £20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20
bills falling Out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that
money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and
pee
through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used
to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.
Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I
stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge
clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I
surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me £20, or off
it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
 
Reality|Bites said:
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
awhile, a £20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20
bills falling Out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. "Where did you get all that
money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to
the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and
pee
through a knot hole in the fence, right into my flower garden. It used
to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.
Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, on game days, I
stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge
clippers. Every time some guy sticks his pecker through my fence, I
surprise him, Grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me £20, or off
it comes.'
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well, you know", said the little old lady, "not everybody pays."
Click to expand...
:cry:.
 
wooosh for me....

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