The all new OCUK joke thread for 2021

An old man went to a barber and asked for a shave, he also said that it wouldn’t be easy as his cheeks were very wrinkled.
The barber produced a small wooden ball, and said, “Push that against your cheeks with your tongue, it’ll flatten out your skin.
When the barber had finished, the old man was very happy with the result, but he asked the barber, “What would have happened if I’d swallowed the ball?”
The barber said, “You could have brought it back a few days later, like the others did.”
 
Who's 2nd account is this?

Don't you just love the realism of programs like Coronation Street and Eastenders?
The place is full of murderers, junkies, rapists and paedophiles but nobody swears because that would be wrong.
 
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Starjade said:
Hello Lysander. ;)

Hey it was a funny Joke. Even though Jesus was a Roman fraud it still gave me a giggle. ;)

I registered because I was going to open a thread with religious debate. However it does seem as if this forum is heavily moderated and I am a firm believer in freedom of speech. So it has caused me to reconsider. My Revelations destroy the claims of Christianity and Islam. I use History and Deuteronomy law and even Islamic law to establish those facts. They cannot be disputed as many religious forums discovered to their dismay and yet also astonishment. I am a hard core to the point writer of facts. My Revelations cannot be disputed and even Muslims are too afraid to make accusations of Blasphemy against me as I have already paid them several visitations and they all bit the Dust. Those were hard core gnashing of teeth religious debates. Just the way religious scholars like it.

Had the religious scholars on this Planet paid more attention they could easily have shown the flaws in those religions. I thought of opening a thread here regarding those matters but after reading some of the stuff here it seems clearly too heavily moderated allowing very little freedom of speech. So much for a news worthy speakers corner eh?
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Oh Gawd! Have we hauled a Trojan horse inside the walls?
But wait, he said that he’s reconsidering, perhaps we’ve dodged a bullet.
 
@Starjade you sound a barrel of laughs.

I used to have similar desires to bring down religion, but I learnt that some humanity needs a higher being to believe in. Take that away and they may have little in their life.

Try telling an old Christian man he won't be joining his deceased wife in heaven.

Try telling a 5 year old with terminal cancer that there is nothing to look forward to when they're dead.

Live and let live.

And here's my joke:

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.
 
Here's a few I saw today:

A farmer had a terrible year as a crop blight ruined their main crop, but was inspired to become a highly successful musician. They had a tonne of sick beets.

I arranged a first date at a gym, but they stood me up. We're not going to work out.

What has five toes and isn't your foot? My foot.

And my favourite:

“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
 
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!


Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
 
I watched a video of a drunk person flailing around trying to fight a scarecrow.

They were clutching at straws.
 
Why is a new relationship like snowfall?

You don't know how long it will last and you don't know how many inches you'll get.
 
xlJ0YqD_d.webp


This is an alphabet grenade. If it was to go off, it could spell disaster!
 
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