The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Seeing as you're looking for a 'mad' female don't you feel that is a bit too broad? XD

Mad as opposed to 'normal' 'boring' 'mundane'

Shouldn't it just be looking for a female?

Possibly lol

I'm a 30 year old bloke, Living in West St. Leonards,
Recently taken up my dream career as a photographer doing some small local events for now, looking to move onto bigger and more challenging projects over the coming years.

In general, I am calm, collected, thoughtful, cheery and talkative depending on the subject.

Just a regular down to earth guy, honest and reliable.
I enjoy good conversation, quiet nights in and good food.
I can cook, to a point, but I'm no Jamie Oliver.

I enjoy cycling to keep fit, and my photography takes me all over the place.

Seraph, I edited it a bit for you, but I'd say that's all you need. Everything I've cut out was just cutting you out of other people's searches. Sorry if you didn't want me posting this up in here, I'll take it down if you want, just the only way I could fathom of getting you an edited version :p

Cheers mate, I never know what to write on these stupid things.
 
I feel your pain fella. Within the last few weeks, me and my (ex)girlfriend have broken up, we'd been together for nearly 8 years. I must admit, I'm unable to think straight about a lot of stuff right now, I try to make myself see reason but as soon as I do, something reminds me of our time together (and, as you can imagine, over that period of time - there are a LOT of reminders!), and I take 10 steps back. It doesn't help that we owned a house together, and are still both living there (although, this is likely to change very soon).

I am struggling to see how I'm going to move forward from day to day at the moment, let alone how things will be when it comes to the holiday period. But you hit the nail on the head with regards to getting through it, you will, and so will I - it's just a case of time.

Oh, and don't be afraid of having a good cry, it releases a lot.

I have certainly had a few good cries.

Luckily we hadn't gotten that far (buying a house together, although this is the first time in about 3 years when we haven't lived together), but I keep coming across pictures and various things that remind me of her.

It hurts because I realise how much I have neglected her this year, but also that we didn't talk things through before it got to this stage. Hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess.

Have a stackload of work to prepare for starting back to work next week, but can't face it today. Certainly not the half term break I had planned.

On the plus side, my thoughts are better than they have been on previous days. I feel we have had some closure.
 
I have certainly had a few good cries.

Luckily we hadn't gotten that far (buying a house together, although this is the first time in about 3 years when we haven't lived together), but I keep coming across pictures and various things that remind me of her.

It hurts because I realise how much I have neglected her this year, but also that we didn't talk things through before it got to this stage. Hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess.

Have a stackload of work to prepare for starting back to work next week, but can't face it today. Certainly not the half term break I had planned.

On the plus side, my thoughts are better than they have been on previous days. I feel we have had some closure.

It's a great step that you've gone to see her and you have some closure. It seems that at least you're handling it very well and it's not the usual sharp break which causes the most pain.
 
I appreciate your advice, I really do. I'll give you my thoughts but obviously bear in mind it's not easy to hear/read these sorts of things.

bennyc sorry to be blunt, but you need to get rid.
She sounds emotionally immature and girls that like just lead to more trouble. So walk away and forget seriously - you will end up with the better life in the end.

I think she's actually very mature but just doesn't want to miss out on some of the key things you experience in your late teens/early twenties that she didn't get to enjoy as she was caring for her mother. She doesn't drink, never has, and has never put it about either. That said I can see where you're coming from and how it looks.

From what you say she has already pretty much forgotten about you, sounds harsh but you need to except that and move on. your be much happier in the long run

It does seem that way, or at least feel it. And I definitely wouldn't sit around waiting nor would I go out actively looking.


you have failed at relationship advice number 1 - never get all secure with your other half, always keep your friends in the loop and always strive to do things as an individual no matter what your current partner says about it!

I think you misinterpretted, I still see my friends but with us all being busy and me having moved away we don't see eachother as much as we should or would have liked. There are plenty of occasions where we do our own thing.

Me and my girlfriend (of two years) broke up back when we were 19 because she went off to uni, was constantly busy with her course, wanted to experience everything else that comes with university that you can't do while in a relationship.

We both started (various) new relationships, met new people, jobs etc but stayed in contact, very occasionally met up, always had an instant spark, we might not have seen each other for six months or a year but as soon as we got together it was like we had never been apart.

We ended up getting married and starting a family together and all has been awesome since (am 34 now). I would suggest taking the break if it's what she wants, but stay friends, stay in contact, make sure you don't stop living your life. And if its meant to be in the future maybe it will.

Thanks, something similar happened to her parents. Whilst it's a possibility I wouldn't 'live in hope' if that makes sense.

BennyC, facebook'd you bro :(

Cheers brah. Oatz & Squatz tonight.

Edit: I forgot to mention she deffered this oppurtunity last year on the grounds of finances, we had just met, but it came to light a few months ago that the real reason she didn't go wasn't because of finances but because we'd just met and knew that we had something special that she didn't want to lose/knew we wouldn't last (with one of us moving away) so early on. So to manage to get a place this year again (less than 30 spaces with over 10,000 applicants) she couldn't say no again, especially now as we had some good footings, so to speak. She's fairly commited to me, we're seeing each other this weekend but I think I know whats coming.
 
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Has anybody here experienced something similar? where the life/career/study of a loved one becomes a priority and your relationship effectively becomes inconvenient...

I did something very simlar back in my early 20s when at university. There is always time to reply to texts/calls etc if you really want to. I felt I was too busy at the time (coursework, new friends, new experiences etc), truth was I wasn't prepared to make time and used my busy schedule as an excuse.

Ultimately I wanted to lose the 'chain' that I felt was holding me back.

Sorry Benny, but I think you need to prepare yourself for the worst :(

Hang in there bro
 
Has anybody here experienced something similar? where the life/career/study of a loved one becomes a priority and your relationship effectively becomes inconvenient but yet you really don't want to both lose each other? Where you know if it weren't for this you could quite happily spend the rest of your lives together.

That happens when one half doesn't share the same feelings about the relationship.
 
I have certainly had a few good cries.

Luckily we hadn't gotten that far (buying a house together, although this is the first time in about 3 years when we haven't lived together), but I keep coming across pictures and various things that remind me of her.

It hurts because I realise how much I have neglected her this year, but also that we didn't talk things through before it got to this stage. Hindsight is a wonderful thing I guess.

Pretty much how I am feeling. I can't stop going over and over in my head if I had just done some things differently, we would not be where we are now. Such simple things to me, but things that I feel would have made a massive difference. It is this which is killing me right now, I know I need to stop, but I can't. If only to be able to take my mindset now back a few months.
 
Pretty much how I am feeling. I can't stop going over and over in my head if I had just done some things differently, we would not be where we are now. Such simple things to me, but things that I feel would have made a massive difference. It is this which is killing me right now, I know I need to stop, but I can't. If only to be able to take my mindset now back a few months.

I am doing exactly the same, it is exhausting.

It doesn't help that she has found a new soul mate (not someone who I would think for a second), but still someone who I know she is saying plenty of stuff behind my back about and someone who is talking her into this.

I have eaten a single tracker bar today and am still not hungry, not good :(

My mum is coming to stay tomorrow, I think the distraction will be good.
 
I am doing exactly the same, it is exhausting.

It doesn't help that she has found a new soul mate (not someone who I would think for a second), but still someone who I know she is saying plenty of stuff behind my back about and someone who is talking her into this.

I have eaten a single tracker bar today and am still not hungry, not good :(

My mum is coming to stay tomorrow, I think the distraction will be good.

I hardly ate for more or less a whole weekend following the 'talk', just didn't feel hungry in the slightest. I'm more back to my gannit like self now mind.

She had people I know she spoke with, and if experience is anything to go by all they do is agree with her and provide no input of any note for fear of making her upset - I really think she has not had a reliable outsider looking in viewpoint.

That being said, she is more or less seeing someone else already, how the hell she can do that so soon after us breaking up I cannot begin to understand (I could not even entertain the idea right now). However, knowing it just makes things that much harder.

I know that the most important thing is keeping yourself busy, however, there are times that you can't avoid being by yourself and it's those times that things come flooding back and your mind works overtime. I sometimes wish I had a switch to make it go away.
 
I hardly ate for more or less a whole weekend following the 'talk', just didn't feel hungry in the slightest. I'm more back to my gannit like self now mind.

She had people I know she spoke with, and if experience is anything to go by all they do is agree with her and provide no input of any note for fear of making her upset - I really think she has not had a reliable outsider looking in viewpoint.

That being said, she is more or less seeing someone else already, how the hell she can do that so soon after us breaking up I cannot begin to understand (I could not even entertain the idea right now). However, knowing it just makes things that much harder.

I know that the most important thing is keeping yourself busy, however, there are times that you can't avoid being by yourself and it's those times that things come flooding back and your mind works overtime. I sometimes wish I had a switch to make it go away.

The person who breaks it off nearly always IMO finds/knows someone else they're interested in =/
 
The person who breaks it off nearly always IMO finds/knows someone else they're interested in =/

Please don't say that :(

Anyway, screw it, I am joining POF.com - at the very least it busies me and stops me contacting the other half.

Luckily all but four of my work colleagues are female - some very attractive and single. It at least gives me hope.
 
I did something very simlar back in my early 20s when at university. There is always time to reply to texts/calls etc if you really want to. I felt I was too busy at the time (coursework, new friends, new experiences etc), truth was I wasn't prepared to make time and used my busy schedule as an excuse.

Ultimately I wanted to lose the 'chain' that I felt was holding me back.

Sorry Benny, but I think you need to prepare yourself for the worst :(

Hang in there bro

That is basically what has happened to me Benny :(

and is currently happening to me! :(

We did have a bit of a non-ideal end to our holiday recently. Where she more or less said the same but without uni as an excuse. I did everything she asked. Made her feel loved, wanted (sent flowers and balloons to her work, biggest bunch of balloons I've ever seen), surprised her, took her out more, made a real effort.

But realistically it doesn't seem to have worked and a phrase she has used before is 'The right person but at the wrong time'. A bit too soon for her. Which I can understand but it also ****es me off a little bit in itself, I'll try not to let that do any unnecessary damage in the unlikely event our relationship could be saved and I wouldn't want to hurt her with what I say but she might be in for a bit of a shock. I guess I feel a little frustrated about it all.

I've been in the scenario before where it was 'Maybe sometime in the future' which just wound me up too. I can't wait around forever.
 
But realistically it doesn't seem to have worked and a phrase she has used before is 'The right person but at the wrong time'. A bit too soon for her. Which I can understand but it also ****es me off a little bit in itself, I'll try not to let that do any unnecessary damage in the unlikely event our relationship could be saved and I wouldn't want to hurt her with what I say but she might be in for a bit of a shock. I guess I feel a little frustrated about it all.

I am trying exactly the same, but it is probably too late unfortunately. Still, better to end on a high note I guess.

It is incredibly frustrating and there is so much that I could say, but realise it is better to hold back.

Unfortunately she was too much younger than me and was never going to settle down tbh.
 
I am trying exactly the same, but it is probably too late unfortunately. Still, better to end on a high note I guess.

It is incredibly frustrating and there is so much that I could say, but realise it is better to hold back.

Unfortunately she was too much younger than me and was never going to settle down tbh.

It's just complete frustration. She does want to settle down but just not yet. I'm not going to sit by while she has 3 years of fun and wait for her, which after all that she could well have met somebody else. I guess I feel bad should she not meet somebody else, if I did and for her to come back wanting to settle down and get really hurt. But ultimately that's just how it is and could well happen to me.
 
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