Dont go looking for someone else for a relationship yet mate. Take it easy enjoy the aspects of being single for a while. It will be a hard couple weeks mate but you will get over it and start enjoying yourself. Go out and have a few one night stands. POF.com is good for this too lol.
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Dont go looking for someone else for a relationship yet mate. Take it easy enjoy the aspects of being single for a while. It will be a hard couple weeks mate but you will get over it and start enjoying yourself. Go out and have a few one night stands. POF.com is good for this too lol.
What do you do when your girlfriend of two years who you're absolutely happy with in every way pursues an education/career choice, which you encouraged and helped her to achieve (a once in a lifetime oppurtunity for her), begins to finds it difficult to find time for you?
She recently started studying in London which is about an hour and a half drive/train journey. A couple of family problems stopped her doing this sooner, I wasn't on the scene then. We both knew it would be tough and had only been seeing each other at weekends for about the last year or so since I bought my first house and moved away. She was incredibly unhappy with her job and unless she at least tried to follow her passion and do something with her life would be unhappy regardless. Her course is extremely phyiscally and mentally demanding with long 11 hour days, followed by evenings of coursework and compulsory events to attend.
She has let on that she is struggling to juggle both our relationship and her course, in that she doesn't even have time to think about or miss me, let alone find time to answer my calls or return my texts. I don't pressure her or call or text her un reasonably and have seen her probably every other weekend over the last 2 months, since she started. She's said that I feel like a bit of a hinderance to her both when she socialises (she can't get involved) but also whilst on her course training and that due to the nature of her course her tutors have also picked up on it.
She wants to have a break for a short while while she finds her footing and has also expressed before that there's some growing up and experiences she wants to have, (not putting it about but just having a dance with a stranger and being chased a little) she wasn't able to do this when she was younger. I can understand entirely and know that this isn't so she can put it about but just wants to feel young and free which is quite a contrast to our fairly mature relationship despite our ages (young twenties). We both lost a parent within the last 3 years and both did a lot of growing up very quickly.
I feel all sorts of different things about this, admittedly hurt and a little bit neglected that I'm not considered a priority for her but know how demanding her course is and entirely where she is coming from. I'm just a little skepitcal of 'a break' in that it might not satisfy her enough or could well become permenant. Of course if it's not our time then thats fair enough and likewise if we don't enjoy the relationship or make each other happy anymore then there'd be little point in continuing the relationship.
Obviously we'll try the available measures in progressive extremity so as not to jump in at the deep end and lose something that could well work. I know there'd be a bit of a hole left if we did go our seperate ways, not only is she my girlfriend but also my best friend. I could see more of my friends, admittedly I haven't seen much of them over the last year, find new hobbies etc but it still isn't quite the same fufilment that I get from a relationship.
Has anybody here experienced something similar? where the life/career/study of a loved one becomes a priority and your relationship effectively becomes inconvenient but yet you really don't want to both lose each other? Where you know if it weren't for this you could quite happily spend the rest of your lives together.
I know what all the available options are but am a bit torn up as to how to feel and which is the best solution.
She recently started studying in London which is about an hour and a half drive/train journey. A couple of family problems stopped her doing this sooner, I wasn't on the scene then. We both knew it would be tough and had only been seeing each other at weekends for about the last year or so since I bought my first house and moved away. She was incredibly unhappy with her job and unless she at least tried to follow her passion and do something with her life would be unhappy regardless. Her course is extremely phyiscally and mentally demanding with long 11 hour days, followed by evenings of coursework and compulsory events to attend.
She has let on that she is struggling to juggle both our relationship and her course, in that she doesn't even have time to think about or miss me, let alone find time to answer my calls or return my texts. I don't pressure her or call or text her un reasonably and have seen her probably every other weekend over the last 2 months, since she started. She's said that I feel like a bit of a hinderance to her both when she socialises (she can't get involved) but also whilst on her course training and that due to the nature of her course her tutors have also picked up on it.
She wants to have a break for a short while while she finds her footing and has also expressed before that there's some growing up and experiences she wants to have, (not putting it about but just having a dance with a stranger and being chased a little) she wasn't able to do this when she was younger. I can understand entirely and know that this isn't so she can put it about but just wants to feel young and free which is quite a contrast to our fairly mature relationship despite our ages (young twenties). We both lost a parent within the last 3 years and both did a lot of growing up very quickly.
I feel all sorts of different things about this, admittedly hurt and a little bit neglected that I'm not considered a priority for her but know how demanding her course is and entirely where she is coming from. I'm just a little skepitcal of 'a break' in that it might not satisfy her enough or could well become permenant. Of course if it's not our time then thats fair enough and likewise if we don't enjoy the relationship or make each other happy anymore then there'd be little point in continuing the relationship.
Obviously we'll try the available measures in progressive extremity so as not to jump in at the deep end and lose something that could well work. I know there'd be a bit of a hole left if we did go our seperate ways, not only is she my girlfriend but also my best friend. I could see more of my friends, admittedly I haven't seen much of them over the last year, find new hobbies etc but it still isn't quite the same fufilment that I get from a relationship.
Has anybody here experienced something similar? where the life/career/study of a loved one becomes a priority and your relationship effectively becomes inconvenient but yet you really don't want to both lose each other? Where you know if it weren't for this you could quite happily spend the rest of your lives together.
I know what all the available options are but am a bit torn up as to how to feel and which is the best solution.
My ex split up with me after 7.5yrs... he then found someone else 4 months later and they're still together after 4 years. ****
But anyway, I wouldn't say "allow yourself X amount of time" to get over someone or learn to be single again etc... As you never know - you might avoid being in a relationship with someone new and then later on realise that this someone could've been "the one".
I wouldn't purposely look for someone, but I wouldn't purposely stay single either (if I happen to meet someone) just for the sake of allowing yourself time to grieve.
Soldato
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bennyc sorry to be blunt, but you need to get rid.
She sounds emotionally immature and girls that like just lead to more trouble. So walk away and forget seriously - you will end up with the better life in the end.
From what you say she has already pretty much forgotten about you, sounds harsh but you need to except that and move on. your be much happier in the long run
you have failed at relationship advice number 1 - never get all secure with your other half, always keep your friends in the loop and always strive to do things as an individual no matter what your current partner says about it!
She sounds emotionally immature and girls that like just lead to more trouble. So walk away and forget seriously - you will end up with the better life in the end.
From what you say she has already pretty much forgotten about you, sounds harsh but you need to except that and move on. your be much happier in the long run
you have failed at relationship advice number 1 - never get all secure with your other half, always keep your friends in the loop and always strive to do things as an individual no matter what your current partner says about it!
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Soldato
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Hit the nail on the head! Thats what I try to tell friends who tell me about their relationship stuff. They never listen
Soldato
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go speed dating - seriously. get it booked.
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I'm inclined to agree neo, if she felt as you do about her, she would find the time for relationship things. It would appear she's started this new course met some nice people and obviously thinks the grass may be greener.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't but you shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't but you shouldn't have to suffer because of it.
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I feel your pain fella. Within the last few weeks, me and my (ex)girlfriend have broken up, we'd been together for nearly 8 years. I must admit, I'm unable to think straight about a lot of stuff right now, I try to make myself see reason but as soon as I do, something reminds me of our time together (and, as you can imagine, over that period of time - there are a LOT of reminders!), and I take 10 steps back. It doesn't help that we owned a house together, and are still both living there (although, this is likely to change very soon).
I am struggling to see how I'm going to move forward from day to day at the moment, let alone how things will be when it comes to the holiday period. But you hit the nail on the head with regards to getting through it, you will, and so will I - it's just a case of time.
Oh, and don't be afraid of having a good cry, it releases a lot.
I broke up with my ex of 8 and half years earlier in the year and I was the one who broke it up, I've been on several dates but just don't think I'm over her yet. I've had one relationship since we broke up and had to end it as I don't know just didn't feel right or ready really, it has been 6 months now and still feel the same.
I love being able to do what I want to do and when I want to do it, being able to roll in at 8am in the morning after a night out or come back several days later but I do miss being in a relationship and being able to do things with someone instead of going out on the lash all the time. I've had numerous randoms be like come back to mine after a night out but just meh, don't know... Normally when I've broken up with my ex I go out and sleep with everything but this time I haven't, kind of strange as I'm a bit of a manwhore when single.
Suppose one benefit of breaking up is I've been able to start getting tattooed.
I love being able to do what I want to do and when I want to do it, being able to roll in at 8am in the morning after a night out or come back several days later but I do miss being in a relationship and being able to do things with someone instead of going out on the lash all the time. I've had numerous randoms be like come back to mine after a night out but just meh, don't know... Normally when I've broken up with my ex I go out and sleep with everything but this time I haven't, kind of strange as I'm a bit of a manwhore when single.
Suppose one benefit of breaking up is I've been able to start getting tattooed.
Sounds like she's just being over-run by work but that's no reason to call a break so IMO she just wants rid but is coming up with half-assed excuses.
These experiences involve things she cannot do in a relationship so I'd say get rid quick.
Maybe there's something wrong with your profile........ or you
Maybe isn't a yes or a no, how in the blazes am i meant to know?
Profiles are trash anyways, I mean who actually reads them? really!?!
you don't learn much from profile reading about said person, well, not at much as you actually would having a proper conversation with them......
Consider your profile as the first 'hurdle' to pass before getting to conversation stage. Having a good profile (read: good pics) is very important in online dating. Have you posted your profile in the Internet Dating thread for some advice?
Me and my girlfriend (of two years) broke up back when we were 19 because she went off to uni, was constantly busy with her course, wanted to experience everything else that comes with university that you can't do while in a relationship.
We both started (various) new relationships, met new people, jobs etc but stayed in contact, very occasionally met up, always had an instant spark, we might not have seen each other for six months or a year but as soon as we got together it was like we had never been apart.
We ended up getting married and starting a family together and all has been awesome since (am 34 now). I would suggest taking the break if it's what she wants, but stay friends, stay in contact, make sure you don't stop living your life. And if its meant to be in the future maybe it will.
I take pretty good pictures, but personally i take utter carp pictures tbth
and no, you can have a look http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=24862725
I've changed it from before, my last one was full on, very particular and quite picky in a lot of places lol.
Seeing as you're looking for a 'mad' female don't you feel that is a bit too broad? XD
Shouldn't it just be looking for a female?
I'm a 30 year old bloke, Living in West St. Leonards,
Recently taken up my dream career as a photographer doing some small local events for now, looking to move onto bigger and more challenging projects over the coming years.
In general, I am calm, collected, thoughtful, cheery and talkative depending on the subject.
Just a regular down to earth guy, honest and reliable.
I enjoy good conversation, quiet nights in and good food.
I can cook, to a point, but I'm no Jamie Oliver.
I enjoy cycling to keep fit, and my photography takes me all over the place.
Recently taken up my dream career as a photographer doing some small local events for now, looking to move onto bigger and more challenging projects over the coming years.
In general, I am calm, collected, thoughtful, cheery and talkative depending on the subject.
Just a regular down to earth guy, honest and reliable.
I enjoy good conversation, quiet nights in and good food.
I can cook, to a point, but I'm no Jamie Oliver.
I enjoy cycling to keep fit, and my photography takes me all over the place.
Seraph, I edited it a bit for you, but I'd say that's all you need. Everything I've cut out was just cutting you out of other people's searches. Sorry if you didn't want me posting this up in here, I'll take it down if you want, just the only way I could fathom of getting you an edited version