The Rise of Lonely Single Straight Men

Ahleckz said:
I was always very successful on dating apps, and when single would have multiple dates a week if I wanted. The secret? Invite them out on a date within the first two or three messages. I’ve spoken to many girls about this and they all say most men try and chat to them on the apps and it’s just rubbish. They have fifteen people having the same chat, “how was work?” “Here’s a funny meme” “oh I’m so lonely”. Whereas a few people like me would be asking them out, that night, for a drink. And you know what, most said yes. Those that didn’t, I moved along.

It was a numbers game, sure, but don’t try and get a connection online. The connection is got through chatting in the pub. This idea people don’t know how to have a conversation is true, they don’t. Because they don’t try and have one in real life.
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so why not share the formula to be attractive to the internet women in the first place, cant speak for all.
But its hard enough to get the opportunity for a message, let alone asking them out this evening.
 
Bassmansam said:
I bet none of them are above average looks wise?
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No of course not. As much as people like to think that looks aren't important, they are. You can be a complete mess (men and women) but if you are hot you will never be lonely.

None of them are ugly but they are certainly not above average. They could all easily find a partner as they are all really nice guys. They just aren't making the effort and modern life doesn't make dating easy if you aren't "on the hunt".
 
fez said:
No of course not. As much as people like to think that looks aren't important, they are. You can be a complete mess (men and women) but if you are hot you will never be lonely.

None of them are ugly but they are certainly not above average. They could all easily find a partner as they are all really nice guys. They just aren't making the effort and modern life doesn't make dating easy if you aren't "on the hunt".
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Yeah i just think if your average or below its so easy to fall into a rut where you give up looking for a partner. Of course there are equivalent females out there so as you say they just aren't making the effort as they are in a rut/ have enough other hobbies to fill their time.
 
sidimmu said:
so why not share the formula to be attractive to the internet women in the first place, cant speak for all.
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Get some decent photos - if you know any women get them to help picking out good ones, also get them to help write any blurb that the dating sites require. As ahleckz says if you get a nibble, don't be an arse first and foremost and see if they're receptive to either a chat over the phone
to see how much you've got in common (with them aim of asking for a date, nothing heavy for a 1st time, a meet up for a coffee is fine) or just dive in and go for a coffee/walk some where nice within a few messages. If you've matched with someone you don't have to spend ages texting as they've already signalled their attraction to you based on the pics.

If internet dating isn't your thing, there's plenty of things like speed dating or common interest groups you can join. But again, for speed dating evenings, get a women's opinion on what you should wear etc
 
Male... 48 I have a good job, own house and 2 cars. No debt to speak of and no stress in my life.... tried dating recently and all i found was women wanting free food and someone to mooch off.

I went on 10 dates over a 3 month period and they ALL were only concerned with money, job status and if i had been married and had crazy exs hanging about. Not one of them just wanted to get to know me and find my likes and interests! They all just acted like they were there to whore themselves out to the highest bidder!

As soon as it became clear that i was not going to just pay for everything and open my wallet for a sniff of panties they ghost me.

Simply not worth the bother to try and date anymore, if you want sex just pay for it you will get what you want and none of the hassle and mind games afterwards lol......

Its simply not worth it for me get married now, far too much to lose and nothing much to gain!
 
I've made my peace with being single years ago. My last "relationship" I was 18, I'm now 38...

I always struggled with relationships anyway. I had difficulty socialising. It was hard work and exceptionally draining. After any encounter where I have to talk to people I was always totally exhausted afterward, and ended up with migraines and/or sleeping through the following day. The very thought of having to meet up with people in a environment such as a pub/bar etc with lots of other people is overwhelming, like an assault on the senses, all that background noise of people talking and poor lighting/and or bright spotlights was very disorientating (it's hard to explain what it feels like, but it isn't a pleasant experience) and then trying to concentrate on the conversations with the people you're acutally there with was very hard work. I could manage about an hour before having to leave.

I've now found out that it's likely I'm autistic after seeing a psychologist. I'm now just awaiting an "official" assessment to confirm, but this psychologist works with people with autism, and her partner is autistic so she knows the signs and behaviors.

On top of all that, I'm not particularly good looking, I'm a nerd as well. My hobbies are geeky etc. I can go for months without speaking to even my friends because I have to recharge my batteries so to speak, and the way I do that is basically shutting myself off to give my senses a break.

So unless a woman wants to put up with all that, then I have no interest in actively seeking anyone.
 
There should be a second marriage option, where assets and savings are declared, separated, and ring fenced on the day of the wedding and further future assets and savings remain the property of each partner separately, by law.

It'd need one part time vicar nationally, probably a day a month would cover it ;)
 
AtreuS said:
Male... 48 I have a good job, own house and 2 cars. No debt to speak of and no stress in my life.... tried dating recently and all i found was women wanting free food and someone to mooch off.

I went on 10 dates over a 3 month period and they ALL were only concerned with money, job status and if i had been married and had crazy exs hanging about. Not one of them just wanted to get to know me and find my likes and interests! They all just acted like they were there to whore themselves out to the highest bidder!

As soon as it became clear that i was not going to just pay for everything and open my wallet for a sniff of panties they ghost me.

Simply not worth the bother to try and date anymore, if you want sex just pay for it you will get what you want and none of the hassle and mind games afterwards lol......

Its simply not worth it for me get married now, far too much to lose and nothing much to gain!
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I got sick of Internet dating. I would not go back to it again if single.

Tbh I'm not sure I'd even want another relationship as I have so many hobbies now. Love going abroad.


I found the whole thing artificial. Worst experience (one that made me give it up) was I was 7 dates in, Over 1 month on and I got ghosted! I thought WTF. Ghosting after 1 or 2 dates. Fine. That's life, no bother. But surely.. 7 dates in at least have the courtesy to say "I've found someone else". Absolutely no clue to it going that way. Crazy.

Yeah that killed it.



Join clubs, do hobbies, meet people organically. That's the best way to meet people. I'd never go back to Internet dating again.
 
Quartz said:
You are a younger me. It gets better. You will get comfortable with yourself.
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I agree with this. As a teenager and even into my 20's I was terribly shy. Socialising was very difficult and talking to women was even harder. But as I got older I got more confident and just got on with it. It really does get easier.
 
Quartz said:
You are a younger me. It gets better. You will get comfortable with yourself.
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For neurotypical people, yeah. He went on to explain that he is likely autistic and for high-functioning autists, they never really get comfortable with themselves, just techniques to mask it which is an entirely different thing. The feeling drained after prolonged social interaction aspect will never go away. He will always need significant amounts of "alone time" to avoid having a meltdown and that alone will be an issue in most relationships.

An autism diagnosis as an adult is pretty brutal as by that point it's difficult to do anything about it. Even those diagnosed in childhood have limited scope to improve certain aspects of the condition, in particular, socialisation.
 
Thekwango said:
top tip. get off the internet women and go meet real ones. :p
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It’s easier than you think.
I read a few books, dating tips for men was one of them.
It’s just a ‘game’ it’s even called the ‘game’ and it’s not that hard once you know the rules.
My mother however was utterly horrified when she knew I had pick up techniques.
She is of the opinion that these things just ‘happen’ and in the end I suppose it did, but the game certainly worked for me.
(I was terribly shy when younger)
 
throwaway4372 said:
I just don't see what's in it for me.

Sex - isn't that special
Cooking - modern women won't do it
Cleaning - modern women won't do it
Childcare - modern women won't do it
Divorce - a huge risk

The math just doesn't add up.

Edit:
I'm the decent looking guy with a great career that women supposedly want, finding a woman isn't particularly hard. Although most of the good looking ones have paired up now I'm in my mid 30s.

Also most of the women I know are cheaters, including those I've dated but also those I know. Also my parents and the parents of the vast majority of my friends are divorced, so there's a lot of evidence around me showing marriage not working out. In all cases involving a kid - the woman took the house and the kid and the guy had to pay monthly.

Edit 2:
Economically - I believe that women have been tricked into working. The supply of workers has doubled, but the demand for workers has not. This means employers are able to get workers for a cheaper price. This is why families used to be able to survive on one salary (the man's) but now a family requires two salaries. So even if you want to live a traditional lifestyle (a housewife) you economically can't. The consequence being that the children aren't raised properly, the family doesn't eat well, and the property stock isn't as well maintained. It's actually economically worse than that because the family has to pay childcare. I can imagine a scenario where all the women quit work, men's salaries quickly double, the family no longer has to pay childcare, and women realise it was a scam.
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Yes I'm sure they can't wait to shack up with the self-proclaimed perfect man!
 
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