Theres a mental woman who's decided to fall asleep on my doorstep!!

Fair enough but you should try and wake her up. If you can't, and for whatever reason won't phone an ambulance, at least cover her with blankets or something.

The blankets are a good call actually.

Although I really do suggest you try to wake her and then call an ambulance if she's comatose.

Hose pipe ban?

Damn :(

Shave her eyebrows.

This. Definitely this. Then call the ambulance.
 
As much as we all like a good laugh at things like this has anyone considered that this women
might actually have a problem.

She is sleeping on a doorstep and before she went to sleep she was shouting at herself?

If it was me then I would be calling an Ambulance and saying that this women is sleeping
on your doorstep and you are worried because before she went to sleep she was shouting
at herself but if you do say that then make sure you tell them that you don't think she
has been drinking otherwise it wont go down well.

This women might have a serious mental health issue.
 
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