My side gig is going OK at the moment, seems to be gathering some interest I just need to convert it to revenue. I was all set for sorting my E2 visa to the US this week, or starting the process anyway, but I've hit a snag.
My wife has had a pain in her hip for a bit so went to the doctors to try and sort it out. She's had xrays and is due an MRI in the next couple of weeks. Though the results of the X-ray have shown that she has osteonecrosis, which is basically the bone not getting enough oxygen and breaking down in her hip.
She's likely going to need an operation, but her mobility is going to be **** until that happens. When you have 3 kids, one being 2, this isn't ideal. She's beside herself and I'm putting on the whole "it'll be fine, we'll get you sorted" but I just hope it will be OK for her.
We obviously can't move to the US whle all this is going on, so have to look at our options when we know more, but I might have to take another contract back in the UK and move back while it's all sorted. She can't communicate well with doctors over here and she's not confident about them.
Kind of throws things up in the air a little.
Sorry for the rambling.
That. Sucks. I hope you're wife's OK about the whole thing. One thing I've learned in the last couple of years is that no personal venture ever moves at the pace you want it to!
Long Rant
My mate, who I've been training, nurturing and developing for the last year, tried to quit earlier this week. He can't take the stress involved in headhunting and is becoming increasingly more anxious. I refused his resignation and told him to go home and have a think about it for a few days. There are three noteworthy aspects to this:
1) After speaking with me for two hours, and also my other senior colleague (who works next to us as a sister-company), he was very comfortable and confident about staying. My friend is always someone who has struggled with work load and struggles to get organised. Despite me telling him how important his orgnaisation skills are, and showing him how to go about it, his mentality is "if I can get on top of my work load I'll be able to breath again, and then I'll get my day structure sorted out". Unfortunately he never comes close to getting on top of his work load and therefore won't ever get organised. He faced this problem in his last role. After indicating that we'd both work with him to get it sorted, and explained that the stress will wash away once he gets into an organised pattern, he went home confident and comfortable about staying on. A great deal of headhunters hit a brick wall a year or so in, whereby the effort and endeavour they're putting into the job isn't yielding the right results and they get stressed/down as a result. In many cases - as with my mate - he's actually done the hard graft, but isn't working smartly. All it takes is a tweak of your methods and how you structure your day, and everything clicks into place. When he left to go home for a couple of days he knew this to be true.
2) His family, and particularly his girlfriend, have provided him with poor advice. Headhunting is one of quite a few industries which appears shallow and simple externally, but is actually filled with depth, complications and requires serious concentration. They've decided that headhunting is a hard sales game and that he's not cut out for it. My mate is easily led. If I tell him one thing he'll do it/believe it, whereas his opinion will be instantly switched if the next person tells him the opposite. He hates confrontation, even if it's as light as disagreeing with someone on a very basic point. He simply agrees with everyone. It's mightily frustrating for a guy who was extremely confident and pleasant as a kid (we've known each other for 25 years) but who over did it in his late teens and is now a shadow of his former self. Over the past few days I've been trying to give him as much space as is needed for him to come to the decision on his own, however his family (mainly girlfriend) have been badgering on at him and not allowing him to come to his own conclusion. It's vital he makes the decision himself, because I honestly believe the better decision would be to stay. I don't believe I'm biased in this instance because although it is my firm, more importantly he's a good and long term friend and the last thing I'd want for hm would is unhappiness. The firm would quickly move on from his departure.
3) I know he can do the job, and do it well. The first year in this industry is a hard slog, made more difficult for him as he was entering an entirely new market for our firm. He's on course to hit his revenue target for the first year, and be in good stead for the second year. He's learned an awful lot and is showing great promise. A lot of things click into place after your first 12 months in this job, but he's stuck in a pit at the moment and is struggling to see a way out. He's almost in denial, and unfortunately isn't believing anything myself or my colleague has been saying about stress management and how it eases off in your second year - we've got 26 years' experience between us to us 9 months' experience, and it's a little frustrating that he won't listen to what we're saying. Another thing that has slightly frustrated me is how quickly this has come about - he seemed totally fine a few weeks back, but apparently has been keeping this all to himself over the past few months - which is slightly disappointing given that he felt he couldn't speak to me about it. I had a massive work-related breakdown in 08/09 and know exactly what he's going through. The frustrating thing for me is that I asked him as to whether he'd be sticking aorund for the long haul a couple of times recently, and that based on his answers we moved into a larger and more expansive office, and also I bought a new 12 month advertising package just for him. The total amount of these two avoidable costs is probably around £15,000... which would essentially be
****ed up the wall if he leaves. That in itself is fine, it's a minor issue, and I wouldn't ever blame him for it, but it doesn't prevent it from grating as he knows all the investment in the firm comes out of my back pocket.
Having had a couple of days to think about it - he was very positive when he left the office, but I knew his family would get in his mind as soon as he got home - and he called up to quit this morning. I believe the worst thing you can do when you panic is to follow it up with a bad decision. I told him this. He was
******** himself about life in general, hadn't even thought about what he'd do next work-wise and was actually gibbering nonsense.
I managed to talk him round, and he's now going to stay with us until Christmas and try to implement a new system of organisation for himself. I want him to stay because:
1) The job gets significantly less stressful when you hit the second year - he doesn't believe this yet but myself and the senior colleague know this to be true.
2) He's a very good friend, and I have no belief that he'd be better off in another job. Trust me, I know him well, and he doesn't do well in office environments. If I felt it in his interests to leave I'd be the first to usher him out the door for his own good. He'd get himself into the exact same position as he is in now, but wouldn't have the flexibility that I can offer him in terms of support. Here he'll have the ability to be almost totally autonomous in his work once things click, and given that I'm going nowhere he can very possibly have a 15 years career at this, whilst getting better and better each year. He'll have as much work as he wants to shoulder and be in a friendly and supportive environment.
3) He's going to be very good at the job once he gets his head around the final few bits. I couldn't care less about the financial benefit I'd receive from him staying and performing, but he's never excelled at anything in his life and he'll get a massive confidence boost when he does well here. It will happen, it's just a case of self-investment on his behalf.
4) We'll change our communication. I haven't managed anyone for a few years - and given that we're both good friends, the management dynamic is a bit odd. I have no doubt that my management style has played a role in things ending up as they are, but I knid of wish he'd spoken about it sooner rather than bottling things up.
I've asked myself, as well as a few friends in this game, if it would be better for him to leave. He's a great friend and I genuinely want what's best for him. But the things this job can offer - no politics, a straight forward career, plenty of time off, significant flexibility (take holiday a short notice, leave early whenever he wants, etc.), great earning, no difficult colleagues (ahem), no layers of management, etc. - aren't frequently on offer to many people in employment in this country. He became overwhelmed by things - it happens in this industry, both myself and my two closest friends in the industry have had it happen to us - and he couldn't see how things will get better. But they will.
) which is not ideal, as I'll just have to work even more evenings to try and get my side work going too, as we've taken on money, albeit not millions, enough to have commitments to external shareholders. 