This Instant And Moment - 2022!

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arknor said:
Because I have Autism and literally zero social skills, talking to people scares me, phone calls scare me.

some people with autism can't even deal with opening the post m8 no one understands what life is like for us, most people think it's an excuse for bad behaviour or whatever and not "real".


I'm also embarrassed about how I live, I lived here since about 10 years....

it's fairly clean and tidy sure. but

carpets be fraying all over and need replacing but how can I ever afford that lol?
the walls are all blank of photos and pictures etc so it looks weird.
there's so less furniture anywhere my living room is literally.

pc desk+ office chair + couch + clothes hanger and that's it...

I'm literally afraid of people or something and I don't want to feel like I''m being judged as some weird guy whos not normal.... who the hell lives like this? students maybe? 42 year old men though.....

yea it sounds easy right? a quick phone call, guy comes out ffixes the toilet then he's off...

something about autism for me is so debilitating... if you never had family with real autism you would never understand how some of us are.

I look totally normal, you might even be weary of me in the street thinking I'm some chav who would rob you but I'm just weak and pathetic feeling like a child in an adults body, that's the only way I can explain it.

I'm not stupid and I have common sense.... I'm just not educated because I stopped attending school at 14 and never sat GCSEs etc..... the amazing thing is all the signs were there but I didn't get diagnosed as autism until I was an adult going through a divorce, my ex worked and I took care of the house etc.... but when your living like a normal person it's kind of easier idk how to explain it.

maybe it's more crippled by depression? but my autism is really quite severe.



zero executive function mostly prevents me from being able to seek help.

like in december I had really bad bronchitis and tried to get a doctors appointment by going to the surgery.... gate keeper tells me you have to phone... well I can't deal with phones right so I just walk out....

then it gets to the point where it really feels like I might be unable to breath and I might die so I went to the hospital but only because I had the fear of death....

Like I said I wouldn't suicide because I'm too much of a coward..... once the choice is made there's no turning back right but there's a few seconds or minutes where your still alert and you might regret the actions taken.
that's the bit what terrifies me about it..


the thing is I also don't see how medical help would really help me when my problem is being disabled but not having disability benefits, a GP can't help me claim, I can't do it by my self and I can;t organise things or ask for help via phones etc.... so I'm kinda stuck basically..


on monday I will go though and hopefully get an appointment, I just don't know what to say or how to explain it :/
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This is really intersting, I have been discussing this week sensory impairment and how its not seen in the same ways as physical. :)

I agree with your comments.
 
savagesam117 said:
Holy ****, I’m sorry you feel that way. If there’s anything I can do, give us a shout, and I’m sure I say that from most of us on here.
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This is true. I don't know if you've taken a look on the mental health thread @arknor but it's a good place to talk things out.

What you've posted so far is quite concerning but also relatable, and understandable. I struggle with some of the same things albeit to a lesser degree. But it can still take me 6 months or a year to sort something out if it involves the phone or a service like doctors or whatever. Same for some DIY jobs that involve going outside - I need to fix my kitchen door but I feel anxious opening the door and standing in the garden.

As your mum says you've actually articulated things quite well so you can use those comments to demonstrate to the Dr or whoever. You could also write things down before hand so you know what you want to say and don't miss any points or get swept up. I always go in with notes and a plan now as dynamic conversations can panic me.

Keep your chin up, as you have acknowledged you're stuck here if you don't want to top yourself - so then if we're stuck with the life we have the only option is to make it more bearable. It can be done, don't give up.
 
arknor said:
Because I have Autism and literally zero social skills, talking to people scares me, phone calls scare me.
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arknor said:
Some people with autism can't even deal with opening the post mate, they dread the sound of the letterbox as much as I hate my phone ringing, because I can't answer it I get overwhelmed by panic. maybe if it was arranged and I was expecting a call I would cope.
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arknor said:
maybe it's more crippled by depression? maybe it's from being pretty much detached from society living in a bubble for so many years? but my autism is really quite severe and always has been.

I can't even do voice chat in discords, when I've played any multiplayer games with people I always told them I don't have a mic... but I can listen to them.

I just isolate my self even in gaming these days though.
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If you have awareness of autism and what it is doing to you, that is the first step to being able to do something about it. It does sound like a degree of depression in there as well, people with autism alone don't generally get overwhelmed by panic at the sound of the letterbox - my old boss who was signed off for 6 months with clinically diagnosed depression was affected in that way - she couldn't even open the curtains without feeling physically nauseous - no one, not even her, really knows what set it off.

At very much background levels compared to what you are dealing with autism is something I've had to deal with in my life, fortunately I had an awareness of it and what it was doing to me and resolved to not let it define me - as clichéd as it is and sounds you have to do one thing every day or every week or whatever that improves the situation so the next day isn't as bad as what came before it, it isn't something you can fix but with enough experience it is something you can overcome the worst of.

Getting on voice comms in games was actually a big help for me over the years building up from barely feeling like I even knew how to say hello and goodbye through to being able to take on a leadership role. Stuff like NPSI roams in Eve Online were great as there is a lot of idle **** talking on voice comms and no one gave a crap outside of battle-comms moments. Unfortunately I'm out of touch these days as to who does them and/or whether they are still being done like they used to.

As much as anyone I appreciate how much of a vicious circle it is and how there are so many interwoven factors which hold any one factor back despite most people only seeing individual factors in isolation and not understanding why you can't just sort them as easily as it is for them. And how difficult it can be in that respect to find help as people in trying to be helpful in one way often don't appreciate how precarious they are making things for you in another way you don't have the mental process or experience to deal with.

Or for you it could be very different to anything I've experience of or can imagine but my advice would still be the same - find one thing every day or week or whatever however small you can tackle which will help to gain the experience to overcome the situation.
 
arknor said:
I probably disapear from these forums now everyone knows but had to get this crap off my chest and vent somewhere
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Why give a crap what anyone else thinks? if someone on these forums has a problem with it it likely points to deep seated issues with them.
 
That sinking feeling when you order an 18v battery for your power tools off Makita’s Amazon store, only to find out they’re using Hermes for the delivery. A week after the item was picked up on a two day delivery, they’re still ‘processing’ it.

More like given it’s relatively small size to it’s value, some scrote’s lifted it when their shift ended at their warehouse, or they’ve lost it, but for some reason Amazon are insisting that I wait two weeks before they’ll do anything about it. It’s quite clear it’s not coming, for one reason or another.
 
kR1gNPG.png


Is that real? the price i mean.... what the actual ****... When did that happen in the UK?
Im a reformed smoker but how on earth can you afford to smoke these days?
Do people even smoke in the UK now?
Do teenagers smoke?
 
Got a good night's sleep as we have an app deployment today. Woke up to an unrelated system issue blocking release. Oh well, take the adrenaline down a notch I guess.

Martynt74 said:
Made curry last night, there seemed to be a decent amount, and so we had a smaller portion than usual to leave 2 more smaller portions for our tea tonight.

Came down and saw our daughter had taken the whole lot for her dinner at work :(
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Ooooohh that would anger me!
 
Efour said:
kR1gNPG.png


Is that real? the price i mean.... what the actual ****... When did that happen in the UK?
Im a reformed smoker but how on earth can you afford to smoke these days?
Do people even smoke in the UK now?
Do teenagers smoke?
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40-50p a pop if you buy in shops. Plus you can't buy 10-packs now so it's £9 minimum for a cheeky smoke while you're out drinking.

It's certainly curtailed my irregular social smoking habit. But increased my rate of bumming cigarettes off mates :(
 
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