Soldato
Surely the reduced availability of laundering equipment on planes due to the threat of terrorism would scupper his plans?
Toosday Joke
- Thread starter Kavalree
- Start date
Associate
- Joined
- 6 Oct 2006
- Posts
- 1,390
Soldato
Holy ****, it's Tuesday already?
Soldato
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."
"Don't do that" says Mick
"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a
dating agency.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She
said is that you or the beer talking? I replied it's me talking to the
beer.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the
casualty.
Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."
"Don't do that" says Mick
"Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix.
They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a
dating agency.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker.
Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said I love you. She
said is that you or the beer talking? I replied it's me talking to the
beer.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the
casualty.
Turns out the new Dyson Ball cleaner isn't what I thought it was.
Caporegime
A lorry has just arrived in London loaded with wooden posts and panels.
Turns out it's the Irish Olympic Fencing team.
Turns out it's the Irish Olympic Fencing team.
Soldato
Is this a really bad joke about how the Irish are so good at creating fences that they should have an Olympic team?
I think its a joke about them being poor and not being able to afford the fencing sword and armour.
Went to the doctors today suffering from premature ejaculation.
Doctor asks "I bet your wife is not best pleased with you, then?"
I said "well to be honest it has been getting on her ****!"
Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery.
I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls.
Doctor asks "I bet your wife is not best pleased with you, then?"
I said "well to be honest it has been getting on her ****!"
Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery.
I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls.
Soldato
- Joined
- 8 Mar 2007
- Posts
- 10,938
A history teacher is introducing World War II to her year 10s and asks "Does anyone know what Winston Churchill was famous for?"
A kid at the back sticks up his hand and says "He was the last white man to be called Winston"
A kid at the back sticks up his hand and says "He was the last white man to be called Winston"
Associate
What's the difference between BSE and PMT?
One attacks the cow's brain and sends it mental. The other is some sort of farming problem!
One attacks the cow's brain and sends it mental. The other is some sort of farming problem!
Soldato
- Joined
- 8 Mar 2007
- Posts
- 10,938
What's better than winning Gold in the Wheelchair Basketball at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
Being able to walk.
Associate
I'm going to hell because that one made me lul abit :/
Soldato
- Joined
- 8 Mar 2007
- Posts
- 10,938
What's the difference between a spare tyre and a dead prostitute?
I haven't got a spare tyre in my boot.
I haven't got a spare tyre in my boot.
How long does it take you to fall down stairs?
The joke relates to the 'time he's taken' rather than a few seconds to fall down the stairs and not withstanding the injuries incurred time he has taken to get to work.
Its terrible when you have to explain jokes
I seem to remember a saying, i may get it wrong but:
Explaining a joke is much like disecting a frog.
No one really cares and at the end the frog is dead.
Soldato
Or in simpler terms, the joke was rubbish, the explanation will be rubbish.
I got a joke, i heard on the radio a while ago. Its childish.
Why did the Bakers Hands Smell?
Because he kneaded a Poo!
No doubt, you'd end up telling people who didn't get it all the time XD
Unless you properly emphasized Kneaded...
EDIT: and punched them as you said it.
Man of Honour
I can in here looking for a laugh......
Still looking.
Still looking.