Unmarried living together split after 18 years sorting finances

[Ayahuasca]

He must have seen her reading 50 shades of grey and thought it best to act it out on her.

 

[Angilion]

he has also messed her up in the head by constantly belittling her so she has gone from someone capable of earning 70k a year to someone too scared to apply for a job.. he keeps a diary on everything she does, when she goes out, who she went to see

Given that and the money issue, I'd be willing to bet criminal charges would be a possibility. Controlling behaviour and possibly some form of theft. From what you've described, he has acquired a lot of money that's rightfully hers. But certainly controlling behaviour, probably with the money being part of that. A solicitor should be able to advise on the legal issues, but I think it's not just a matter of division of assets. I think it's also a criminal matter.

 

[Dr House]

The only winners from this will be the solicitors.

this 1000 times, try and get them to come to a fair agreement. I spent more than a house on solicitors

 

[edscdk]

this 1000 times, try and get them to come to a fair agreement. I spent more than a house on solicitors

Yer I was going to excel the problem but the massive unknown is solicitor fees... And I'd hate to adviser her to walk away from a possible 200 to 300k.. I suppose the best I can do is work out what she can easily get without risk and what might be possible if she can snag a good % of his loot.. And even that I'd have to guess a good outcome would be some random %.. Then show her my best guess and let her decide..

 

[aardvark]

Given that and the money issue, I'd be willing to bet criminal charges would be a possibility. Controlling behaviour and possibly some form of theft. From what you've described, he has acquired a lot of money that's rightfully hers. But certainly controlling behaviour, probably with the money being part of that. A solicitor should be able to advise on the legal issues, but I think it's not just a matter of division of assets. I think it's also a criminal matter.

yep. sounds like it.
She needs to get a decent solicitor asap.

 

[VincentHanna]

OP is most likely being manipulated by his lady friend who he clearly fancies. She is trying to fleece a guy that has fed her for more than a decade because that wasn't enough for her, nothing ever is. OP will probably be the next she tries to take to the cleaners.

The good news is that she won't get a penny extra apart from the jointly owned stuff as the guy was smart enough not to marry her.

You need help for your misogyny.

 

[Malt_Vinegar]

She is getting legal advice (he does not know yet) He has issues with money, there will be no amicable split.. He will think he should keep everything apart from her solely owned home,

He is refusing to let her have the rent from her own house or anything from the joint house (she asked him earlier)..

He goes out with his friends and on holiday but she cannot afford it so never goes out or on holiday.. He even makes her pay more for electric if she uses the tumble dryer!

The guy is a clearly a nutcase and if the law has any sense she will get a proper percentage split.

Not sure if that will happen though

He is gas lighting her imo, and she needs protection I would say.

 

[NZXT30]

Some woman has really done a number on you in the past haven’t they?

How can you not smell the bs from a mile with this story? Men tend to turn off their brains when a woman is involved, especially when its one they might fancy.

 

[Thekwango]

How can you not smell the bs from a mile with this story? Men tend to turn off their brains when a woman is involved, especially when its one they might fancy.

i can't smell 'bs' or indeed smell anything through my screen or keyboard so I am just taking the op at their word. i have no reason not to, do you? do you know the op, or has he a history of posting made up stuff?

 

[NZXT30]

i can't smell 'bs' or indeed smell anything through my screen or keyboard so I am just taking the op at their word. i have no reason not to, do you? do you know the op, or has he a history of posting made up stuff?

I'm not accusing the OP of making up stuff but I'm suspicious of the source of his story.

 

[Thekwango]

I'm not accusing the OP of making up stuff but I'm suspicious of the source of his story.

which is why i suggested a woman has done a number on you in the past. there's no obvious reasons for your suspicions, at least none that i can tell from the op. so you purely don't believe anything that comes out of a womans mouth, as evidenced by some of your previous postings. genuinely, you need to seek help to get over whatever it is that is making you this way. whether it being a genuine occurrence or something you've created in your own mind. it isn't good for you fella.

 

[NZXT30]

which is why i suggested a woman has done a number on you in the past. there's no obvious reasons for your suspicions, at least none that i can tell from the op. so you purely don't believe anything that comes out of a womans mouth, as evidenced by some of your previous postings. genuinely, you need to seek help to get over whatever it is that is making you this way. whether it being a genuine occurrence or something you've created in your own mind. it isn't good for you fella.

 

[Thekwango]

roll eyes all you want. you clearly don't believe what a woman says, without any evidence to back that disbelief up. that's an issue with you. not every woman out there is a liar, or out to do a man harm. not every female accusation is false, just like not every accusation is true. but you've no evidence to not believe what the op says is true yet you've claimed 'OP is most likely being manipulated by his lady friend who he clearly fancies. She is trying to fleece a guy that has fed her for more than a decade because that wasn't enough for her, nothing ever is'
the only thing that is clear is that you've got serious trust issues with women. you need to try and get help with that or it will only eat you up. you're the one with problem not women in general. until you accept that you're not going to have a great time fella.

edit: p.s. the guy 'feeding her for more than a decade' simply isn't enough, unless you're a fan of female slavery.

 

[labcoattech]

How do you know the guy has bought £400k in stock, surly if he was fleecing the woman then he wouldn't have told her what he was doing with the money.

 

[Delvis]

roll eyes all you want. you clearly don't believe what a woman says, without any evidence to back that disbelief up. that's an issue with you. not every woman out there is a liar, or out to do a man harm. not every female accusation is false, just like not every accusation is true. but you've no evidence to not believe what the op says is true yet you've claimed 'OP is most likely being manipulated by his lady friend who he clearly fancies. She is trying to fleece a guy that has fed her for more than a decade because that wasn't enough for her, nothing ever is'
the only thing that is clear is that you've got serious trust issues with women. you need to try and get help with that or it will only eat you up. you're the one with problem not women in general. until you accept that you're not going to have a great time fella.

edit: p.s. the guy 'feeding her for more than a decade' simply isn't enough, unless you're a fan of female slavery.

I'd give up, he clearly has a bee in his bonnet or is a teenager

 

[edscdk]

How do you know the guy has bought £400k in stock, surly if he was fleecing the woman then he wouldn't have told her what he was doing with the money.

she found the paperwork that was hidden in the house (so he does not know she knows at this point)

 

[brightside229]

Plot twist.

After several months of cheating on the Woman's behalf she has finally plucked up the courage to leave her partner for this new improved guy who she has fell head over heals in love with.

Op is the guy the woman has ran off with after leaving her partner of 18 years leaving him devastated. Op wants to make sure she comes away with the best possible outcome to benefit them both in their new life.

Female friend has been trying to get her eggs in the basket before she left her partner blindsided by making notes of any paperwork, taking photo's of his personal diary and bank statements and investments to best use them against him after she leaves.

Up until this point it has been all " i love you so much" etc, partner had no idea any of this was happening right until the very last moment she was packing her stuff.

Now everything has turned from rainbows to " he controlled me" "i have been unhappy for a long time" " i fell out of love" Partner is left with wtf.jpg

 

[labcoattech]

Sounds to me like the guy has done the right thing by investing the money over time instead of wasting it on other woman / gambling / drugs. The woman wants out of the relationship as she has found another guy.

 

[Thekwango]

I'd give up, he clearly has a bee in his bonnet or is a teenager

you're probably right. just trying to convince him to get help to over come whatever has happened or he thinks has happened to him in the past. it must be a very sad existence living with such a hate filled mindset.

 

[edscdk]

Sounds to me like the guy has done the right thing by investing the money over time instead of wasting it on other woman / gambling / drugs. The woman wants out of the relationship as she has found another guy.

I agree with the first bit (investing is good)

second bit - the reason does not really matter..

Personally I think if two people live together for 18 years and merge their assets / income there should be some sensible division of assets,

Just because one partner took the opportunity to siphon off all free cash and try and hide should not make it unquestionably theirs (she probably contributed ~40% of that money over the years with her rental income and large deposit)

what the law says I don't know, which is why I asked for peoples opinions of what might happen.... sounds like she is going to have to spend a lot to get anything other than 50% of the two shared properties..