What's the worst that could happen?

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Surely the police would have got her to have the test?
Did she "sleep" with him once?
I think the best advice has already been said about both of you seeking counselling to help you through this.

Syph's missus.
 
If your gf cheated (several times?) on you and only 9 months later decided it was rape then I would severely doubt her honesty. Ask her to tell you the whole story. If she refuses then I would not be able to trust her again. To be honest at this point she is in the wrong and needs to clear things up with the person she loves, you.

If she cannot do so then you have to think about moving on from her, it seems that she's doing more harm then good to you at the moment.
 
I'm sorry, as other people have said, your girlfriend cheated on you and wanted to leave you, 9 months later she's pulls up some story about rape?

Nuh uh, I don't think so, women can pull some real carp sometimes.
My ex wanted to go to the police for a multitude of reasons which never happened because she was a wacko.

Then..you have the nerve to persue said suspect in some unfounded, unproven and illogical vigilante persute. Are you MAD? I would be cocky if you came up to me accusing me of raping someone, If I could even give you the time of day, i'd simply tell you to eff off mate.

As for the people saying that other guy should have got a beating, yeah.. on what ground, do you activiely beat people for no good reason?


Dup, you sound like someone who wants to solve something with voilence, with no facts but the words of someone who cheated on you, you sound like a brute.

Need less people like you around.



So, whats the worst I can expect? To be honest I could track him down and give him what he deserves, call in a favour etc. But I'm better than that. I sent a message and he called me back to give me ****, so really it's half a dozen of whatever etc. I got really angry with him on the phone, quite hysterical too and he laughed at me mostly as well as fell for my traps. I hate his kind. Full of it and "better than everyone", when up close you realise he aint no player like the rest of us.

You're sounding crazy here, bloodthirsty for nothing.
"aint no player" what are you?

Christ on a bike, seriously you guys.

But then again, this could be a case of crying wolf.
Or she's a cheating bint who has one too many and couldn't control her self.
 
No offence intended here but, you say she admitted to cheating, you then say "I push and push her to give me the real deal because I feel something isn't right." She then she tells you that she was raped.

A bit further on you say "I'm shocked, upset and very angry. A) for not telling me 9 months ago and B for letting it happen more than once."

Now I have no experience of a partner being raped or claimed to understand the trauma and mind set of a rape victim but when you say "B for letting it happen more than once." The alarm bells start to ring for me. It seems odd to me that if you are raped you would place yourself in a position whereby the same man could rape you again.

As Scuzi said it is not unheard of for women to cry rape when in fact they have just cheated.

Please do not take offence this is just my take on your post.
 
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It seems to me the matter of whether she had sex with this man (consensual or not) more than once needs to be cleared up. To the best of your knowledge.
 
I've gone over this story so many times its not healthy.

They were working together and this is how they knew each other. One day, before xmas last year she get all teary and upset and told me at her xmas do she kissed him. she's only been working there a few months and it was clear he was giving her a little too much attention from what she told me in conversation etc. I accepted it was a one off as when I picked her up that night she was pretty legless.

A month later, she admitted there was more to it than a kiss. We had the usual fall out etc and she was gonna get her stuff and leave. I wouldn't let her. I couldn't believe she would throw it away like that. We have something great, we're not just some convenient couple, this is full blown love. She's very submissive as it is. If im not careful she bends over backwards to do anything for me and doesn't give me a hard time for being lazy etc. Her world revolves around me you could say.

Over the past 9 months since she told me that, things in general went downhill. I spent all that time dwelling on it, wondering how she could have done it. I was in her face all the time, pushing for answers, but she could never give me one. It wasn't to get at me, wasn't for attention, it didn't make much sense. Over this time, she got very ill. She lost loads of weight a receded into her shell quite a bit. It got to the point where she went to the doctors and was signed off work. All this time she was still working with this guy, who happens to be a long time highly regarded member of staff whereas my girlfriend had only been there for less than a year. IT was clear she was hiding something and after a but of a push from me she broke down and admitted the real truth.

Apart from going straight to the police where she was persuaded not to bother. Sadly for me this wasn't enough, I had to find out what really happened and I can't let someone get away with this. I tracked down his girlfriend on facebook after Amanda told me her name and told her what I had been told. Through this he called me, from a blocked number (I never trust people who block their numbers) but I suppose he was trying to avoid the harassment. He was a self-righteous little *****, to put it mildly and I got nothing from the conversation but an instant dislike for him. Later on I drove to his workplace and parked next to his car and waited for him to finish work and asked him outright, he just said things along the lines of "I could get it if I wanted, don't have any problems there mate" and I couldn't stomach being near him. I wanted to rip his throat out, but Im better than that and I just drove away and that was the last of it until last night when I drunkenly contacted his other half again and he called me back and started the abuse. Being a bit drunk I gave it back, but I never threatened him once but he threatened me about knowing XYZ and that he'll kick my backside etc, but in a very playground and childish manner. It was quite clear he had ADD to be 23 and giving childish insults like that.

There is nothing I can find to ascertain 100% what happened. His workplace is a fairly close knit bunch of people and they seem to be helping him cover his tracks so to speak.

When she told me I never got any details but she decided to leave work and move on, for us. I advised she might want to report him to work too, and while I was at work she started writing a resignation letter and letter of complaint. This is where I found out the details as she sent me this document to go over/print but along the way I think she was just using it to tell me what happened. She was an awful state when I called her after reading it, and to be honest so was I. This was never sent to her workplace as the manager is one of his best friends and at the time we were still dealing with police so if it fell into his hands he would have a comeback ready etc.

Anyway, I'll leave this post with what she sent me. I know its hard to read, shes heavily dyslexic and she was a teary mess while she was writing it.

To whom it may concern,

I am writing this letter to you to day to hand in my resignation as a cruise consultant at the *********. The main reason for leaving the company is that in the last nine months a lot has happened to me, and not good stuff either.

It all started last December when I had a drunken kiss at the Christmas with a colleague. I told the member of staff that it shouldn’t have happened and that I have a partner who I love more than ever, and that we could only ever be friends and nothing more. I thought that that would be the end of it. How I was wrong, a few weeks later he asked if I would drop him off to get his car. Not a problem then he wanted to know if he could come round to talk. I told him that that’s all that would happen. So he came round we started talking, though maybe I had got through to him and we could just be friends. He had different ideas. Every time I think about what happened next I get more upset every time. There was nothing I cold have done. He was stronger than me. I was violated in my own house; afterward he just stood up and walked out like nothing had happened. I just sat there I was bleeding, it hurt like hell. I scrubbed my self so hard in the shower blaming my self for everything, I told my self so may time I must have deserved it. Again he didn’t talk to me for the next week or so. Then he said he wanted to meet. I wanted answers to why he had picked me, why he did it to me. I sat in his car and he just drove off, every time I broached the subject of where we where going or why he had done it he’d change the subject. Like it wasn’t important, I wasn’t important. The next thing I remember was on a car park and being told to get out, and not in a nice way, I new what was coming. He griped on to my wrist and took me inside. Got a key never letting go of my wrist, he dragged me upstairs. My heart racing I was terrified by this point. Over the weeks before hand since it started I’d lost so much weight I’d become ill, I couldn’t fight, I hand no energy to. Inside he told me to get undressed; at first I didn’t I just sat there. Then he told me to get undressed and get in the bed. I thought about running out of the door but he’d locked it. I sat on edge of bed where he tried to undress me for me, I was shaking like a leaf I had no where to hide no way of getting out. I sat there in my underwear then the rest I want to forget. I sat and cried my eyes out in front of him, where he tried to turn it back on me, like I was the user. I cried all the way home with my back to him. Again I’d been bleeding. Over the next few weeks he wanted me to do more. Or he’s make my life a living hell, it already was, he said he new people and who would believe me, he’s been there longer. He’d want me to go with him, when it was my lunch break I knew why. He wanted oral sex; he wanted to force it down my throat till I was nearly throwing up, I would throw up all night afterwards, it only happened a couple of times, I’d find ever way of making sure was doing something when I knew he wanted something. I felt violated, used. I felt like I’d deserved every thing that was thrown at me. I lost my confidence. Everyone I knew said the bubbly girl inside of me had gone. I became with drawn I didn’t want to go any where see any one; I wanted to curl up and die like it was a bad dream. The final straw came when last minuet the name was changed for some training. When we where due to drive back to work he said he wouldn’t drive till I’d sorted him out. I said no, I wasn’t going to go through it all again, I stuck to my guns in the end he forced me in to what he wanted with the hand on the back of my head so I couldn’t move it. Afterwards we drove back to work and he had the nerve to ask me what was up, like nothing had happened. Only last month he asked me to meet him again. I said no, never again are you going to make my life a living hell. My home life has suffered, my work has suffered, I lost my self, and the person I used to be has gone. You ever been made to feel so scared and terrified. Neither has I. hopefully I’ve come out of this a stronger person.
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EDIT:
Just to make it clear, she had no real bearing to cry rape. Last night after a few drinks I was bloodthirsty, which is out of character and I hate myself this morning for getting so irate. I've never threatened this guy, I've just wanted to peruse the truth and only he can give me that peace of mind. Getting desperate, as I just want to move on. This has not only ruined her career, its had an effect on my work life too amongst a whole other bunch of personal aspects with self esteem etc. Why should I let someone seeming walk all over me, as at the end of the day im the one being hurt the most being stuck in the middle. Nobody can really help but by just telling me to move on, but seriously, if this was you could you just let it go? My girlfriend aint just some bint, we don't argue, we don't shout at each other and we don't fight over who does the washing up etc. We get on so well and love each other a whole lot, anyone can see that and its how we're know, she just wouldn't know it away like that.
 
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You have got to both seek professional help on this before you, she and / or your marriage implodes. In this difficult time, your best certainty is your love for each other. Remember that.
 
OoooooooKaaaaay...


Chap, you need to get a hundred miles away from that one.. And no mistake. That reads like a twisted penthouse column. I mean her no disrespect, but you need to sell up, get out of that relationship and save what little sanity you'll have at the end. Because that story to me seems about as plausible as a blurry bigfoot.
 
Personally I'd get one of those big thick german sausages from lidl, go over to his place, wait for him, tie him up then force it down his throat until he choked to death.

That's just me though. And only if I 100% believed what she was saying.

EDIT: so probably not seeing as this is only coming out now...
 
Both talk to a professional it seems you have let this get the better of you, no point in living like this.

Id also suggest you close this thread save you from typing more stuff, all forum members will give advice if possible, but it really seems like you need to talk to someone who's trained to deal with all that.
 
And after reading the thread and letter again she put herself in a postion where he could "rape" her on 5 occasions.

Like I have said I have no idea into the state of mind of a rape victim but it seems very odd to me that she would ever volunteer to meet him, working with him is slightly different but you clearly say one one occasion after the initial rape she made a concious decission to meet him.
 
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As others had said I would have a very hard time believing that, it sounds like a girls twist to save what she wants now (your relationship) where as before she might of wanted fun with the guy.

If it was once and he took advantage of her while drunk then I would understand but it would put a very big cloud over the relationship.

KaHn
 
Slinwagh said:
So after she had been raped, she went and met him?
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Multiple times, apparently whilst he was involving her in some rather strong sub/dom rape scenario. Which I dunno, just seems a little too out there to be as straightforward as she seems to suggest (to me ofc, it could be totally true, in which case I would feel terrible for saying this, because she'd be going through a whole world of ****).

Initially you have to question why it might have kept happening. And the answer imo is either based in psychology or deceit. Did it happen?, did she want it to happen?, and if so why (again, that's not necessarily a relationship breaker, we all have strange sexual desires.. But why and where do you go from there etc?). Then the dude, what on earth do you do with him?.

I think you definitely need to either get to the bottom of it or run a mile Dup, it's certainly not as simple as it seems posted here. I mean jebus, the fact that she didn't tell you anything for 9 months and then sends you a writte account in the guise of a resignation letter (which is sort of lacking in detail, but contains just enough to drive you completely out of your mind.. And yet she wont talk about it). The best you're going to get here is agony aunt chat, which is great for speculating, but not so great for getting the truth. Dig it out!.
 
I also find it very hard to believe the Police would dismiss out of hand such a serious allegation as rape to be honest.
 
Slinwagh said:
I also find it very hard to believe the Police would dismiss out of hand such a serious allegation as rape to be honest.
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The account (as I read it, with admittedly a slightly warped mind..) could also suggest that it was a violent act, or acts, of sodomy, which the police are very unlikely to dismiss.
 
Sorry mate, but her story seems like something out of a newspaper.

And I hate to say it, but she really seems messed up if she willingly met up with him and let him rape her on 5 occasions while she was supposidly in love with you. I can't really undertand why she thinks you would believe that story - and if so many people at the guys work knwo about them, why don;t you ask some of them to see whats been happenign.

Think about it mate, what 'normal' girl in this day and age would do that ? She could be as submissive as a canary, but at the end of the day, she is a woman who understands life and obviously hasn't been brought up in a bubble in some lab. She knows what rape is, she knows what sex is, and I'm sure she knows how not to repeat a situation that she didn't enjoy. Why would she put herself back in those situations with him after the 1st, 2nd or even 3rd time he forcefully took her ? Even if he was thretening to kill her each time, or kill you her and her parents, why did she feel the need to continue to meet him without telling anyone. Why didn't she tell her friends ? Why didn't she record the situations some way as evidence even if he was thretening her ?

Either get her to really tell you what happened or get away from her before you mess your life up, leave her to sort the mess with the guy (if it is true).

Im sorry, but her story makes her sound like a typical woman with a lot of 'issues' who has got caught out, and is slowly imploding into a fake reality that she has created. just make sure you aren't there when it all mushrooms.
 
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You are wasting your time posting about this subject on here.

Go and talk to your relatives or a close friend, as they will be able to give you better advice, they will at least be able to advise you on the basis that they know you and your GF as real people.
Plus there will be less than a handfull of people on here who have experience of rape or living with or knowing a rape victim.
 
Jeez that's a heavy one!

Dup I have to said with many people here, it does sound far fetched, Both the number of times she let it happen and the fact it took nine months to tell you, it sounds like she thought you would never let it go so needed to take a different angle on why she cheated on you.

I have a feeling even you have doubts to her honesty, because imo you are being quite constrained, if I truly believed that what your girlfriend said had happened to my girlfriend (all alpha jokes aside) I would not be able to control myself, while I totally disagree with the concept I know I would exercise vigilante justice!
 
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