What's the worst that could happen?

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divosuk said:
Im sorry, but her story makes her sound like a typical woman with a lot of 'issues' who has got caught out, and is slowly imploding into a fake reality that she has created. just make sure you aren't there when it all mushrooms.
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I agree. I'm really sorry but I think she has gotten herself into a state of denial and is using this twisted story as a way of escaping the truth.
 
Looks to me like you've put her on a massive guilt trip and she's found a way for you to believe it was not her fault.

I'd be out of the situation in a shot if it were me, look at it from an outsider's perspective like we are, it's happened a few times and then there was even lunchtime stuff going on later, no wonder the Police didn't want to know.
 
Z][GGY;10923198 said:
tbh this should be handled with kid gloves as it's very obvious this guy is at his wits end and i beg peeps not to even make one sarcastic comment as a few already have. The only advise i will give you is as follows.

1. Drink will not help your situation!
2. do not make any contact with him what ever happens!
3. you and your partner talk about what you want from the future if it is indeed what you both really want.
3. if you both love each other enough then get some help maybe counseling.
4. Pick somthing positive in the future to aim for it may only be a holiday away but it's a start.
5. please try your hardest not to dwell on this as it will surley eat away at you and possibly destroy what you both may have.

Regards

Justin


Mods/dons please keep an eye on this thread :)
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Quoted before and correct advice/logic/unbiased view

Having just read the later post with the letter, you both need to go to the police/counselling now, MODs, these are dark waters, please consider this thread closely.
 
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As others have said, leave the 3rd parties will alone, it sounds like you don't know the exact details of what happened and really have no right to go accusing/threatening people.

I'd say (and I don't really have any experience in this scenario), that if you both really want it to work then you need to seek professional help. If it isn't going to work, then you need to accept the fact and move on with your life, as much as that may hurt, time will certainly sort things out.

Don't forget you're still young, you've a whole life ahead of you, you should be out there enjoying it!!!
 
reading this thread has upset me - just because it has been known for 'women to cry rape', i don't think it should be everyones first opinion, shame on you :(

Dup - i can't imagine what you are going through - but as has been said before maybe it would be worth accompanying her to the doctors, or getting the two of you into a counseling session. it sounds like you need to talk this through with a 'professional'
what ever happens - good luck with it :)
 
goldilocks said:
reading this thread has upset me - just because it has been known for 'women to cry rape', i don't think it should be everyones first opinion, shame on you :(
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You have to admit though, her account (according to the op) is pretty patchy in terms of credibility. That's certainly not to say that she's not telling the truth, but again, in a way it would be easier if she was lying, because if she wasn't, then she was at least in some way responsible (maybe not the 1st time, or even the 2nd, but the 3rd, 4th, 5th etc..), as a grown adult and so on. Rape is hardcore, and one of the very worst acts of brutality. So here's hoping it's not the case.
 
Her letter reminds me of situation I had with a girlfriend I went out with many years ago.

Total pack of lies, she's been caught in her own web of deceit and is trying to find a way out of what she has done.

I would get out of this as soon as possible, I did and have never looked back.
 
Don't be a mug, get out whilst you still have a modicum of sanity, what are you hoping you will achieve in this relationship, where do you see it going, how will you get to a happy stage again?

You have plenty of time to find someone who doesn't get into such situations (true or otherwise) and who you can trust wholeheartedly instead of destroying yourself over one person who you've only been with 2 years.

That's my two cents.
 
I really don't think this forum is the place or the media to be discussing this. Although I do think posting that letter from her was a mistake though, and is a clear breach of trust on your part.
 
Whoo, heavy. I would personally have a hard time believing her account. I don't know her nor can I begin to understand the mentality of a rape victim though so my opinion is squat.

Talk to some family/friends and possibly get some counselling. Good luck buddy.
 
Dup please try not to post anymore revealing information it will not help your situation seeing it in black and white if i were to read the same posts 3 times you could derive atleast 2 meanings and thats what peeps do on forums or they don't (in most cases) read the whole thread but read the last post only and follow suite (not aimed at anyone) the word "sheep" come to mind ;)

I was in the army for nine years and married for 4 of them and being away you hear stuff about guys wifes sleeping about etc etc and you end up watching some of your friends rip themselves apart. this is indeed a serious situation for you both and my heart is with you mate but you need Professional help.

None of us are in any position to judge regardless of what has been posted all we can do is steer him in the right direction to get help as it's pretty obvious he needs it and his partner.

and those that post o'h dump her etc etc it really is not helping the situation it can take but one word to puss a person over the edge and i know i have seen it!!!!!!

Unless you have a decent comment and advice please backoff!!!!!!!!

Mods/dons please keep an eye on this or atleast put a defining post on here :)
 
I think, Dub at the end of the day, it could be either way, like you said, she said she did want to break up at some point, or at least thought she did, it could be guilt, but it could be guilt from cheating, or from feeling like she let you down by letting this happen, if it did happen as she said, the thing you've really got to do, as much as it might not seem a rational reasoning, is to be there for her, if she did cheat, and did lie about it, thats something that does happen, more nowdays than ever, but at the same time, if it did happen, as she said, either way, I honestly think she needs your support, and thats all you need to give her, don't go chasing this other guy up, you really need to focus on her, and get her back to a confidence level and get her eating normally and feeling normal again. To make this sort of stuff up after an affair, or to have it actually happen, makes, requires, and obviously creates a big psychological trauma for her, and either way, I get the feeling you love her to bits, and really want to be with her. Just be there for her as much as you can, try and get her to see someone, maybe on her own for a start and then with you, and just do what you can to aid her to regaining normality. As much as people say it could be a lie and cheating, it could be, but to have the weight loss, stress, trauma etc.. that you have said she's been going through, thats a LOT for someone who merely had a quickie affair with a colleague. Worst comes to worst, when she's feeling better you end up going your seperate ways, but if it was me, i'd be trying to make sure she was ok, no matter what, as said above, one thing can push someone over the edge, if she is in a mentally unstable state, you dumping her and leaving could be the final straw for her. Not that you should stay in any guilt of "What if i leave.." circumstances, but you seem to love her to bits, just do what you can do, be there for her, don't go chasing that guy, whatever he's done, the damage has been done, any contact with him, isn't good, just move forwards, try to help her regain some normality, and let her know you're there for her.

Just my 2 cents mate, REALLY hope it can all work out for you both.
 
Having read the OP it sounds like a hard situation to make a judgement on.

My personal opinion is that something is not quite right with the explanation given by the girlfriend, because it seems extremely difficult to understand someone repeatedly putting themselves in a situation where they would be sexually assualted. My girlfriend can be extremely submissive (due to a series of dominant male boyfriends) but even she would not put herself in that position. The only situation I can see it arising is if the abuser was a partner rather than an office colleague.

My gut instinct on this situation is that she had an affair with this guy, after all she admitted to kissing him and for most women thats not something that happens without some attraction, and after she realised he wasn't going to leave his partner she tried to end it but he attempted to continue to relationship and probably did corner her for gratification at times after her willingness ended.

I believe that it is possible that she now feels extremely guilty about what occurred and told you a story so you knew the bare essentials (i.e. she had sex with another man) so she would feel less guilty about it, but also saying it was non consensual she removes blame from herself.

Personally I believe that your best bet is to get off the forums and go and see a specialist in this kind of thing, because whilst I believe your girlfriends behaviour is very strange and it might be best to walk away, the chance that she is telling the truth is something you cannot ignore. If she is being totally honest with you then you leaving would destroy her, but equally it is obvious that this is destroying you, therefore as I said seek better informed help than a light hearted computer forum.
 
No offence but I wouldn't trust her and if somebody ever dared having an affair on me and me finding out, I would never talk to them again or take anything they said seriously, she obviously can't be trusted and if she values sex above your relationship she doesn't seem like 'the one'.

The other guy should surely be innocent until proven guilty? Your girlfriend has made a pretty wild sounding allegation which is dubious to say the very least (repeated rape at her own will? Am I missing something here?)

Meh, this just isn't adding up to me. Maybe I am strange.

My advice is to stop hassling the other guy.
 
Kudos to the last 2 posts by M0T and TimBrad like i have said lets steer this towards them getting real help by Professionals :)
 
Ah I just read the letter, I skimmed the post and hadn't seen that before.

Wow. You both really need to seek some professional help and if what she is saying in the letter is true (which I would be extremely sceptical about given it's wording) then the police are the next stop for sure.
 
Also a rape crime is about power not sex, so her colleague was in a position of power and he could have exerted it, or it could be made up, but please talk to a professional, together or individualy, this is important.
 
IMO she cheated on you... I've seen exactly the same thing happen to a mate of mine. It's not nice, but it may be worth thinking about how much you can trust her...
 
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