What's the worst that could happen?

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MikeHunt79 said:
IMO she cheated on you... I've seen exactly the same thing happen to a mate of mine. It's not nice, but it may be worth thinking about how much you can trust her...
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Trust cannot always be easily assessed any time, right now from the sound of it, his girlfriend is in a bad way, its not a case of cheating and feeling bad, cheating and no remorse or anything like that, she's obviously mentally distraughty by something that has happened, the OP has said how much he cares about her and wants things to work, before he can really assess the situation on a proper, level headed standpoint, he really needs to do as advised, try and get her to see someone to talk about the issues, with him if thats what she wants, and he should see someone as things like this can affect the partnering male too, not to the same degree, but certainly pulls at different heart strings. Once she's back on track to having a normal life, it'll be easier for them to see if they are meant to be or not.

Again mate, best of luck to you in all this, to you both.
 
TimBrad said:
Trust cannot always be easily assessed any time, right now from the sound of it, his girlfriend is in a bad way, its not a case of cheating and feeling bad, cheating and no remorse or anything like that, she's obviously mentally distraughty by something that has happened, the OP has said how much he cares about her and wants things to work, before he can really assess the situation on a proper, level headed standpoint, he really needs to do as advised, try and get her to see someone to talk about the issues, with him if thats what she wants, and he should see someone as things like this can affect the partnering male too, not to the same degree, but certainly pulls at different heart strings. Once she's back on track to having a normal life, it'll be easier for them to see if they are meant to be or not.

Again mate, best of luck to you in all this, to you both.
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I could not have put it better myself
 
To me it sounds as if the 'accused male' seemed to think that the female wanted "it". He mightve thought she was playing hard to get and that her reluctant behaviour was an act. This might be why he continued to force himself on her.

However, for a rape-victim to go back to the guy who allegedly raped her, alone, in his car, is almost unbelievable.

Like someone said earlier, rape is a brutal act. Probably as bad or worse than being physically tortured. If someone tortures you, the last thing you would do is go back to that person, alone, giving him the opportunity to do it all again (and again and again) to you. There might be a reason for this, but you will have to ask her. There might be a reason, so dont dismiss her.

I dont think you should judge the guy in question, as you havent heard his side of the story.

With the limited facts available, I am more inclined to believe 'the accused man', than the female.

Going to the Police and seeking retribution, IMO will make life difficult for the both of you and the 'accused' will certainly get away with it, as there doesnt seem to be any evidence against him.

Personally, I would try and get over this. Its obvious that you love her and dont want to lose her. Talk about it. Accept that it has happened. And try and build up your relationship (and trust) up again. Start off with a clean slate and promise that after you have talked the incident through, it shall never be mentioned again and will be forgotten. If you truly do love eachother then you can absolutely get over this. However, you have to explain to her that should she ever cheat on you (kiss, fool-around, sleep with another guy, etc), that you will leave her.

Good luck man. Remember, the only way you can clear your mind is by talking to her about the incident.
 
sounds so suspect, either your both characters from a jerry springer show,

or she slept with another guy, got really guilty cos it was messing up your relationship with her and then dreamed up and started to believe it was rape so that you could both vent anger at the other guy, and not your girl...
 
Z][GGY;10927051 said:
how on earth is advice like that going to help!!!! grow up springs to mind
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I don't think anyone would take it seriously.

And remember laughter is the best medicine, its often better to make light of a situation, rather than haring on at the person about how serious and bad and **** their situation is.
 
Slinwagh said:
So after she had been raped, she went and met him?
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It's plausible - she stated a believable reason for doing so in that letter. Not sensible, but believable. When something bad happens out of the blue, "why me?" is a common reaction and people can get so wrapped up in that question that they feel they must find the answer, they must make sense of what happened.
 
Angilion said:
It's plausible - she stated a believable reason for doing so in that letter. Not sensible, but believable. When something bad happens out of the blue, "why me?" is a common reaction and people can get so wrapped up in that question that they feel they must find the answer, they must make sense of what happened.
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And to put yourself in that position a further 3 times?
 
sunama said:
With the limited facts available, I am more inclined to believe 'the accused man', than the female.
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I think that your choice of language indicates that sexism plays a large part in the inclination you have. You refer to the man as a man (a person) and the woman as a female (a non-person, a breeding animal).

That's the first time I've seen that sexism that way round. It's usually "women" and "a male" or "males".

With the limited facts available, I don't know who's lying and/or deluding themself.

Maybe she cheated and after 9 months of hassle from the OP being "in her face" all the time, she made up a story to get him off her back and then made it worse and worse. These things can rapidly escalate.

Maybe she cheated and has retro-fitted a rape explanation that she's deluded herself into believing.

Maybe the other man raped her and manipulated her psychologically afterwards, and lied about it to the OP.

Maybe the other man raped her and has retro-fitted a consensual sex explanation that he'd deluded himself into believing.

What I am sure of is that the OP would be well advised to seek professional mental help, for himself. He's suffering because he can't do something and fix the problem, which is what men in particular are conditioned to do - to act and to solve problems. Combined help for the OP and his girlfriend would also be a good idea, but that has to be left up to her to make her own decision (both of them have to agree, but the OP obviously does). Being in her face about anything isn't going to help.
 
it's imho this thread should be locked i don't want flaming for this i just think it's not really the place for this sort of thing.

but i will say all the best to you DUP and i hope things get better for you :)
 
Z][GGY;10927358 said:
it's imho this thread should be locked i don't want flaming for this i just think it's not really the place for this sort of thing.

but i will say all the best to you DUP and i hope things get better for you :)
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I think you're right there, just really hope they can work it out and all will be ok in the end :)
 
Slinwagh said:
And to put yourself in that position a further 3 times?
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Well, maybe. People do not always act rationally and sometimes do repeatedly put themselves in abusive positions. I can't say that I understand it at all well, but I have spoken at length with people who've done it and I am sure that it happens.

As an example, someone I used to work with was in a very abusive relationship. He was beaten often, and I mean often. Dozens of beatings and hundreds of lesser assaults, unsurprisingly coupled with massive psychological abuse. That went on for several years - so why didn't he leave? Granted, she threatened to make things even worse if he left, but it hardly made sense to stay. Especially after the first time she injured him so badly that he had to be taken to hospital. Let alone the second time she did so. Being a man, he had nowhere to go, no domestic violence support services, no shelters, but I would have sheltered him until he could get his own wages back (she manipulated him into having his wages paid into her account) and find somewhere he could rent. I've sheltered people before and if need be I'll do it again. Had they known, coworkers would have sheltered him and clubbed together to pay a deposit on somewhere for him - he was a good man and very popular. He might still be with her now, if someone else hadn't called the police because of the noise she was making while attacking him, which resulted in him being arrested for being a man and a victim of domestic violence (feminism has had a lot of success in the field of domestic violence).

I don't really understand why people do it, but I have observed that they do, and not just 4 times.
 
Angilion said:
I think that your choice of language indicates that sexism plays a large part in the inclination you have. You refer to the man as a man (a person) and the woman as a female (a non-person, a breeding animal).
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If I really was sexist, I wouldnt be implying that the OP would do well to put the past behind him and start fresh with the female, woman, or whatever you want to call her. I'm effectively telling him that there is harm in forgiving her, if she is guilty.

In fact, if I was sexist, like a few already have said, I wouldve said that he should dump her, beat her, leave her, etc, etc.

Z][GGY;10927358 said:
it's imho this thread should be locked ...
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Sorry man, but its the OP's thread and he has posted to get opinions on his situation before he makes his next move. If he didnt want opinions then he wouldnt have posted. If he wants it closed then he can email a Moderator to do so. Its his choice, not anybody elses.

Angilion said:
As an example, someone I used to work with was in a very abusive relationship. He was beaten often, and I mean often. Dozens of beatings and hundreds of lesser assaults, unsurprisingly coupled with massive psychological abuse. That went on for several years - so why didn't he leave?
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Aaaah, but that isnt the same as this situation. In this situation the woman isnt under any pressure to travel in cars, alone with her former attacker. If she was married to the guy then it would be a lot more difficult to leave the guy, but in this case, she has no forced association with him and doesnt even have to speak to him ever again. Yet, she does so. In fact, she goes in a car alone with him, knowing what has happened in the past.
 
sunama said:
If I really was sexist, I wouldnt be implying that the OP would do well to put the past behind him and start fresh with the female, woman, or whatever you want to call her. I'm effectively telling him that there is harm in forgiving her, if she is guilty.

In fact, if I was sexist, like a few already have said, I wouldve said that he should dump her, beat her, leave her, etc, etc.



Sorry man, but its the OP's thread and he has posted to get opinions on his situation before he makes his next move. If he didnt want opinions then he wouldnt have posted. If he wants it closed then he can email a Moderator to do so. Its his choice, not anybody elses.



Aaaah, but that isnt the same as this situation. In this situation the woman isnt under any pressure to travel in cars, alone with her former attacker. If she was married to the guy then it would be a lot more difficult to leave the guy, but in this case, she has no forced association with him and doesnt even have to speak to him ever again. Yet, she does so. In fact, she goes in a car alone with him, knowing what has happened in the past.
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anyone in the right mind would lock the thread this is not the place for this sort of thing but if you had looked closer at my post i did state "imho" so no need to say sorry i'm fully aware how a forum works!
 
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