When should I be a Dad?

MontyMike · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:32

I’m new to this forum but I need some advice. Been lurking for a bit and think you’ll give me some decent advice.

Basically my girlfriend wants a kid and I’m totally scared to be honest. I don’t mind admitting it. I just don’t know how to decide whether we should do it or not.

We’ve been together for 8 years, I’m 30 she’s 28. We have ok jobs, own a 2 bed flat & earn about 48k between us but we live in an expensive area. We will get married when we get around to it, she wants to more than me. I think I want a kid, definitely some day but she is gettin so obsessed about it it’s doing my head in. I think I’ll have to give in sooner or later. I guess I’m just terrified I won’t be any good. Never even really seen a baby. Can any guys out there tell me about being a Dad ( the truth pls, highs and lows). Is it really as bad as some people make out? Do you really not have time for anything else once you have a kid? I worry I won’t be able to play with my car or xbox! Maybe it’d be the best thing I ever did I just don’t know. Should I be a bit older, get a better house and car etc?

Would appreciate some advice guys.
Cheers.

Throrik · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:34

If your not comfortable with the thought of having a child, then maybe don't have one?

Martini1991 · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:35

I'd say you're at the right age for a kid tbh..
She doesn't want to be too old as a mother I'm assuming..

Andr3w · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:37

When it feels right.

alexthecheese · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:37

Run.

Run for your life.

Do it now.

Seriously.

TheCrow · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:39

Seems like a very good ages, long term relationship etc. Good solid base to bring a kid into. I dont think there will ever be a "good" time to have one as nothing is going to prepare you for it.

If you want kids some time then unless there is something definite standing in your way then go for it.

memyselfandi · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:39

Andr3w said:
When it feels right.

This. Don't just do it because you think you have to by a certain age.

Westie · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:40

**** kids cant even look after myself and im 26 looooool

Ahleckz · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:40

Having a kid would be amazing if they popped out aged 7. Up until that age they are horrible...Probably not very helpful eh?

DB_SamX · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:42

MontyMike said:
I’m new to this forum but I need some advice. Been lurking for a bit and think you’ll give me some decent advice.

Basically my girlfriend wants a kid and I’m totally scared to be honest. I don’t mind admitting it. I just don’t know how to decide whether we should do it or not.

We’ve been together for 8 years, I’m 30 she’s 28. We have ok jobs, own a 2 bed flat & earn about 48k between us but we live in an expensive area. We will get married when we get around to it, she wants to more than me. I think I want a kid, definitely some day but she is gettin so obsessed about it it’s doing my head in. I think I’ll have to give in sooner or later. I guess I’m just terrified I won’t be any good. Never even really seen a baby. Can any guys out there tell me about being a Dad ( the truth pls, highs and lows). Is it really as bad as some people make out? Do you really not have time for anything else once you have a kid? I worry I won’t be able to play with my car or xbox! Maybe it’d be the best thing I ever did I just don’t know. Should I be a bit older, get a better house and car etc?

Would appreciate some advice guys.
Cheers.

Have you actually told her all of this for a start? I'd probably second that there never seems to be a right time for kids, not that I would know personally.

Skidder · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:42

The highs are high and the lows are low! Having a kid is the best experience in life (presumably spreading our dirty seed..........I mean passing on our genetic material is what life is all about?) and can be extremely satisfying. It is hard work too, no doubt about it. At least we don't have to get the thing out of us or carry it around for 9 months.

Thing is, I didn't want a kid when I was 30 but I did want one when I was 33. You'll know when you are ready and your GF will know about 3-4 years before that as a rule of thumb. Be certain you will provide a happy home, don't worry too much about how large that home is.

britboy4321 · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:44

Make her take her pill in front of you.

My younger brothers girl wanted a kid but he wasn't ready. Suddenly 'oops I'm pregnant, guess I forgot to take my pill for 6 weeks - oops -- now DEAL WITH IT (!!)'

Skidder · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:44

britboy4321 said:
Make her take her pill in front of you.

My younger brothers girl wanted a kid but he wasn't ready. Suddenly 'oops I'm pregnant, guess I forgot to take my pill for 6 weeks - oops -- now DEAL WITH IT (!!)'

There's only one way to be certain with birth control and that's up the wrong way.

Dinomania · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:45

It's a hard balance. Yes, you want to be ready, but there's a lot of health issues associated with a woman waiting too long before having a baby: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article567189.ece

My mother was 35 when I was born, I turned out OK *twitch twitch* but not everyone's so lucky.

meths · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:47

MontyMike said:
I’m new to this forum but I need some advice. Been lurking for a bit and think you’ll give me some decent advice.

Basically my girlfriend wants a kid and I’m totally scared to be honest. I don’t mind admitting it. I just don’t know how to decide whether we should do it or not.

We’ve been together for 8 years, I’m 30 she’s 28. We have ok jobs, own a 2 bed flat & earn about 48k between us but we live in an expensive area. We will get married when we get around to it, she wants to more than me. I think I want a kid, definitely some day but she is gettin so obsessed about it it’s doing my head in. I think I’ll have to give in sooner or later. I guess I’m just terrified I won’t be any good. Never even really seen a baby. Can any guys out there tell me about being a Dad ( the truth pls, highs and lows). Is it really as bad as some people make out? Do you really not have time for anything else once you have a kid? I worry I won’t be able to play with my car or xbox! Maybe it’d be the best thing I ever did I just don’t know. Should I be a bit older, get a better house and car etc?

Would appreciate some advice guys.
Cheers.

Some first post that for a computing forum.

You sure you're in the right place?

As for the question:
-My daughter is coming up on 9 months.
-I don't have enough time to myself.
-My wife is emotionally unstable.
-We're constantly skint, even though we both work full time in decent paid jobs.

I love it.

Skidder · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:47

sara said:
It's a hard balance. Yes, you want to be ready, but there's a lot of health issues associated with a woman waiting too long before having a baby: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article567189.ece

My mother was 35, I turned out OK *twitch twitch* but not everyone's so lucky.

The NHS guidelines suggest higher risks after 35, OP's GF has plenty of time to churn a few out before then.

RDM · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:48

I wasn't overly keen on the idea of kids but it really is one of those "No compromise" areas. Of course now I wouldn't be without her and she is possibly the second best thing to happen in my life. Highs and lows are pretty much the same thing to be honest, it is the responsibility of raising another human being, so everything they do well and many of the things they do badly will bring a smile to your face but at the same time you have an awful lot of worry about if you are doing the right thing and doing the best you can for them. Sure you will have sleepless nights and at least one trip to A&E but that stuff passes and is pretty minor compared to the sense of responsibility.

Also your social life will change completely and you will have much less in common with your friends that don't have kids!

Dogoid · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:51

it will probably grow up to a be a sex offender or traffic warden. leave it be.

Ziggy · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:51

If you have to ask, then you aren't ready.

mollymoo · 12 Jan 2010 at 17:52

MontyMike said:
I’m new to this forum but I need some advice. Been lurking for a bit and think you’ll give me some decent advice.

Basically my girlfriend wants a kid and I’m totally scared to be honest. I don’t mind admitting it. I just don’t know how to decide whether we should do it or not.

We’ve been together for 8 years, I’m 30 she’s 28. We have ok jobs, own a 2 bed flat & earn about 48k between us but we live in an expensive area. We will get married when we get around to it, she wants to more than me. I think I want a kid, definitely some day but she is gettin so obsessed about it it’s doing my head in. I think I’ll have to give in sooner or later. I guess I’m just terrified I won’t be any good. Never even really seen a baby. Can any guys out there tell me about being a Dad ( the truth pls, highs and lows). Is it really as bad as some people make out? Do you really not have time for anything else once you have a kid? I worry I won’t be able to play with my car or xbox! Maybe it’d be the best thing I ever did I just don’t know. Should I be a bit older, get a better house and car etc?

Would appreciate some advice guys.
Cheers.

Sounds to me that your only reason in that explaination to not have a kid is you don't think you will be any good at being a dad, none of us are it's something you learn about after you've had the baby.

Babies cost quite a bit initially but after grandparents buying prams and wot not it isn't so bad plus you have nine months to do it so it isn't so bad.

They can disrupt one of your careers which is something to think about so look into how much paternal leave either of you can take. They are tiring at first but not for long and they become rewarding very early on, blah blah blah and so on

I didn't particularly want a child but to be honest and I think any dad on here will back me up, as soon as they arrive and get popped into your arms your feelings change immediately.

You don't seem to me like you would hate having children so I say just go for it and enjoy it, it's very rare that people regret it.