woke up this morning wanting to die

[Ilikeitblackplease]

Also forgot to add that cortisol peaks in the morning and falls throughout the day. Having high cortisol in the morning can make you feel edgy, anxious and nervous for an utterly unexplainable reason. I get it most mornings. Go get a bloodtest and ask for a thyroid check along with liver function test and vitamin D3 levels checkup. Do you get much sunlight and/or feel lethargic during the day?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol_awakening_response

went to the GP for a blood test for the above and for testosterone.
Been crying today thinking about death thinking about my parents aging , thinking about getting old.

 

[SkodaMart]

went to see someone last week , received a copy of a letter she sent to my gp and there something I dont like about it.

"he denied alcohol or drug use" now to me this implies "refuses to admit" need to go back and make sure the wording is corrected. As I dont drink or use drugs, dont need this on my record.

Haha!
Found your problem.

Go and get parcelled lol!!

I would be depressed if I didn't have the occasional blow out with the lads.

 

[SonniLombardi]

OP, why wake up stressing, when waking up is a blessing?

 

[Ilikeitblackplease]

OP, why wake up stressing, when waking up is a blessing?

not when you have panic attacks in the morning.

 

[itchy]

Life is easy mate, its the people around you that make it hard!

Not sure why you care so much about death of you or others.

Jesus Christ me and the missus been through the meat grinder. Lost loads of family not many left all within 10- 15 years.

Life and death etc its all relative. You just sound lonely and depressed, been there!

Open the bottle, do not keep it in, just let go and tell everything and I mean everything to a Mental health professional.

And when I say everything I mean everything, even them shadey mad thoughts we all have, that a little beyond WTF! If you open up enough hopefully they should be able to help.

Stay strong and beautiful, as most humans are!

Takes off tree hugging kaftan, I need a drink!

 

[StoutMeister]

 

[CREATIVE!11]

Don't worry op, there was a study linked from journal of psychology recently on reddit and they found couples who have kids were on average unhappier than those that don't. So much for the lie that kids make your life worth living.

So at least you have your freedom. Sounds to me like you're on a rut, i've been there myself and it'll always get you down no matter what. You need a shake up of some sorts, for me it was getting job abroad.

But for you it can be anything that takes your fancy.

Don't be too down on yourself dude, seriously. Age really is just a meaningless number, all the emphasis placed on age is just constructed by society. If we didn't have people going on about it it wouldn't matter.

I assume hitting 40 has upset you.

If it's any consolation i'm 27 and pretty much have realised I may not achieve my dreams either, but I'm not actually that worried. I try to live in the moment and take things as they come. Read the book by eckhart tolle called a new earth. Game changer for me. Also the power of now.

This was me last year happy.

Lmao, least you're not ugly (no homo). And you don't look 40, so you've got that going for you.

 

[413x]

went to the GP for a blood test for the above and for testosterone.
Been crying today thinking about death thinking about my parents aging , thinking about getting old.

This must be hard.
You can't think about things you can't control. But I'm sure you have been battered with that line 100x.
I had to really teach myself not to worry. Because I worry a lot. (family trait).
I did succeed, for years. I'd loose something expensive, wouldn't care, something went wrong at work, life goes on. Family dying is something coming up for me, but as long as I talk to and see those family I'll be content I've done what I should/can.

Incidently all my hard work has been undone I've gone all the way back to worrying about things I can't control recently (because there's a tiny bit of me that thinks I can combined with blaming myself)
Just shows I was masking it, not fixed

How did I do it I don't know. I suppose just truly accepting I'd done all I could. And understanding.. Really understanding when I couldn't do anymore.
Kind of like an exam, once I was in the room, I couldn't change the outcome
I'd still worry all the way up to the point I could control it!

Hopefully for you it is some sort of hormone imbalance and can be fixed to great degree with medication

Do you see your parents much?

 

[Hades]

Of the trillions of sperm and eggs that could have turned into people since humanity began, but didn't, we are the lucky ones. We won the jackpot to be born. The overwhelming majority of "people" didn't get the chance we have. It doesn't matter how good or bad things turn out in life we should realise that we got first prize. Don't throw it away.

 

[mid_gen]

What do you do for a living? Don't know if it's been mentioned.

Seriously if you want to feel alive, and you're single....go live in Hong Kong for a while. Amazing place.

 

[russell664]

I have been through some Manic depressive stages fairly recently.
Resorting to cutting.
Suicidal thoughts.
Nothing meaning anything
Even moving to get a drink was a chore.

That aside, things do look up. I hit rockbottom, crappy job, no friends...

But now, 6 months on, I have a new job which I love, still not many frineds, but who cares? It is all about self worth, think of the things you know you have had success with, the things you love also.

I went to a mental health unit, but didn't do anything for me, actually made me worse as the people I have seen I just didn't like and couldn't open up to. (Seen three in total! )
So it doesn't work for everyone, but is always a good starting point, do you have anyone you can talk to at all? Samaritans maybe? I have before and proved to be a great help.

Sometimes talking to someone you don't know helps.

You only have one life, live it.

 

[easyrider]

Are you drinking?

 

[[TFU] Thegoon84]

* Tinder/PoF
* !£!""hub
* Box of tissues
* Mountain Bike (Join a group)
* Travel..... travel ..... Travel.

I'm fortunate that i've never felt the way you do, cant imagin. But i've always told myself no matter how bad it gets there's always the option of ******** off and starting again.

 

[murah]

Talk to someone, go see health in mind (or whatever they may be called in your area). They generally have really good people and it can help to talk about your problems and possible options to move past it IE: CBT
Life throws you some hard balls sometimes, hold ones head up high and wade through the **** with dignity. Remember there is no shame in talking about ones issues or seeking help that is the mark of strength that often gets confused for weakness.

 

[Bluecube]

Depression is a nasty business. You will fight your way through it but it is a fight. This may sound strange but have you tried singing? Just by yourself - a couple of your favourite tunes. You may be surprised at how you feel after belting a song out!

 

[[TFU] Thegoon84]

This may sound strange but have you tried singing? Just by yourself - a couple of your favourite tunes. You may be surprised at how you feel after belting a song out!

 

[Bluecube]

Shows how much you know...

 

[thenewoc]

Matdom, I think you're over analysing everything, in the sense it sounds like you've got several ideas going round in your head that something should be a certain way because that's how you think it should be for everyone. You can't take on all of the things you've spoken about all at once. Try figure out what stuff in life has made you happy. For a lot of people the summer weather helps to lift spirits, is there some decent parks nearby to get out in the sunshine? Do you like comedy, sometimes a good stand up comedian can help you laugh at life and not take it so seriously. If you can find the irony and funny side of all sorts of things and realise well, thank blimey I don't have that issue to deal with. You're not old at 40 anyway, still tons of time to do so many things. As you've said you're looking for some volunteer work so that sounds positive as this could help with a sense of purpose if that is something you desire. I think the work thing is the key, since a lot of the other stuff will flow in time from having an income, work colleagues to converse with and / or socialise with as that can lead to making new friends. Have you considered getting a pet, ideally a dog? Not for everyone but pets, especially dogs are very loving and having a dog to walk forces you to get out and about, meeting other dog owners whilst walking or dog training classes. Once you're working you should make a point of treating yourself to setting aside some time each week that is your time to do what you want to do. Don't wait for someone else to suggest some event and invite you but instead make whatever you want that event to be happen because you chose it and if it means going by yourself then still do it. Others you speak to at work or where ever when they ask what you've been up to you'll have something positive to talk about, and sometimes it might come up in conversation prior to something you have planned and you might want to invite the person or persons asking. If people get to know you as the outgoing type they'll be more interested in striking up a conversation with you as they'll be more interested to find out what you're up to next. You're in a good location for variety of things to do, culture, museums, architecture, people, scenery, jobs, the arts, food, pubs, nightlife, live music.

I just think things have built up for you, maybe you've had too much time to dwell on things whilst not having a job so I think you should try and shelve some of the other desires for the time being and concentrate mainly on finding work and then making some time to do some stuff you enjoy. I think in time you'll then end up thinking about stuff less and just getting on with doing what you want to do.

 

[dunker]

Are you drinking?

oh yeah, it definetly helps my inner 5 year old to shut up and mtfu and deal with the divorce.

find something you like doing and do it more.