Would you want a girl you'd been seeing for 3 months to stay...

Bes said:
Like I said tell me how I am stringing her along... She knows this won't last past the end of my time in Madrid and I don't do anything but treat her well when I am with her.
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Hey Bes, it may be more along the lines of, you think that she knows that it won't last after you leave but that's not really how she see's it. If you are spending as much time with her as you have been saying then she is probably getting the wrong impression. In my opinion you need to tell her straight that the relationship won't be developing. :)
 
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Bes said:
I am pretty confident she knows it will end when I leave.
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Then what does it matter? Why have you bothered to post the issue up here? What did you expect to get out of this discussion? For people here to lessen your guilt? Or to make you change your mind?

I think the responses have been more negative to your decision, but there are a number of people who agree so there is no consensus. Your thread title should maybe read "Would you want the girl you are about to end your 3-month relationship with to stay..."
 
I'm not about to end it though- my time in Madrid is open- ended at the moment and I have already turned down oppotunities to go to South Africa and the States to stay here with her.

The thing is eventually my time here will end- I'll be told I have to go elsewhere.
 
To be fair, for a lot of girls they would swap any number of 'treats' which can be bought for someone that actually wants to spend time with them.. :p

Sounds like you've ballsed it up a bit by being too full-on in the 1st 3 months (through lack of other interests it seems), spending every waking moment of your spare time with a girl just isn't healthy full stop!

She's probably got all sorts of romantic ideas about you given how much time and attention you've been willing to spend on/with her - and now that's been turned on your head by dumping her to be on her own over Christmas, no wonder she was upset :p

Plus her reaction now isn't surprising either, I imagine she thinks that you've changed your mind because you've been guilt-tripped into it and you've reluctantly agreed. Can't blame her for not wanting to be a 2nd-choice...

But by the sounds of it, you've probably thrown a bucket of cold water over the relationship, which'll no doubt help her get over you when you disappear and leave her for good!

On the other hand, there'll probably be some Spanish guy who gets to enjoy your 'girlfriend' over Christmas when she gets picked up, the slightly wistful-looking girls who have ended up alone over Christmas are usually prime targets for sharks in bars/clubs (usually Aussies here in London!)

Merry Xmas!
 
Bes said:
I'm not about to end it though- my time in Madrid is open- ended at the moment and I have already turned down oppotunities to go to South Africa and the States to stay here with her.

The thing is eventually my time here will end- I'll be told I have to go elsewhere.
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If you've already turned down opportunities to be with her, do you think that there is a danger that you're falling for her but trying not to let yourself?
 
Bes said:
I'm not about to end it though- my time in Madrid is open- ended at the moment and I have already turned down oppotunities to go to South Africa and the States to stay here with her.
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Hey Bes, I don't quite understand that. If you don't want the relationship to develop any more then it currently is and want to stay just friends, why have you just turned down the opportunities as you have explained above? :)
 
Spending Christmas with her or without her, to her, is proportional to how much you want to be with her. Now not knowing what the value of Christmas is to her culturally - but assuming it is on a par with you - it is obviously going to be very hurtful for her that she is spending it alone. Flip the situation over onto its head and think about if you were in her country...its not nice, is it?

The other problem compounding this is the guilt trip that Rich L above mentioned. If you feel guilt-tripped into doing it, you will probably just be more P.O'd to have her around, and nobody wants that. So its up to your conscience to decide what is the right thing to do - and that is something that no poster here can understand. The ball is in your court. Hope it works out well for you (and her).
 
Bes said:
....with you and your family over Christmas?

Ok so I work in Madrid and have been seeing this girl for about 3 months... She is basically alone over Christmas in Spain.

Until today, I thought she was working all over Christmas, so would be staying there, but is now telling me she has from the 21-26th off and wanted to come and stay with me (bearing in mind I am with my mother/ siblings who I haven't seen properly for over 6 months now) over Christmas. I did casually suggest it about a month ago, but did not mean directly over Christmas.

She is now very upset because I basically told her she couldn't come.

As much as anything, I just want a few weeks away from her as I have seen her almost every day for the past 3 months, and eventhough I know she is alone over Christmas, it's not really my problem if I'm going to be really honest about it. She has family (in Brazil), but is staying in Spain as she only gets a few days off. She effectively put herself in this situation, and if it weren't for me, she would be in the same situation she is now anyway.

What do you guys make of that? am I being a ****?
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compromise - make sure she is not alone at xmas but you could have a few days to yourself as well.

atm i imagine she is devastated as she is thinking you dont want to spend time with her and would rather she was alone at christmas. I think you're being a big heartless. But you do need your space though coz as youve said youve been seeing each other every single day is it?

Emphasise to her that you want her to be there at xmas with you but you also want space to yourself and to catch up with family etc.
 
Thing is it doesn't matter what I think so much anyway- like I said if it were just me and her or me and my mates at Christmas, her being there would not be an issue, but I am sure my family don't want a practical stranger sitting there on Christmas day when they are opening present etc- it just all feels a bit uncomfortable to me.

And yeah I did turn down other opportunities- mainly because of her but also partly because I quite like working in Spain compared to other countries- the boss is nice, Spain is relatively pleasant, and I can fly home whenever I want.

TBH whilst I do enjoy her company, part of the reason I have spend almost every day with her is also because I don't really have anyone else when I am there (apart from work people), so it's 'easy' I guess.
 
TBH whilst I do enjoy her company, part of the reason I have spend almost every day with her is also because I don't really have anyone else when I am there (apart from work people), so it's 'easy' I guess.
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Not wanting to be harsh but just how different is this to an escort? You have said you are spending vast amounts of money on her, no doubt its a physical relationship but it will also never progress in to anything. It is simply a relationship of convenience?
 
Gotta say it's a bit harsh of you to leave her there alone... couldn't do that to someone myself.
 
If you thought anything of her you would want to spend christmas with her ,I don't blame her for being upset .I chose christmas with a new girlfriend over spending it with my family as she would have been on her own ,I was not happy about it but it was the right thing to do .
 
I think the real problem is that you are embarrased to bring her into the family Christmas gathering, because you are unsure of family reaction.

Christmas is the season of goodwill in most families and any partner of a family member would be welcome, even if for some reason you have kept your relationship a big secret.

At least let her enjoy the festival season with you even if you plan to end it later.
 
Reading this thread has made me re-evaluate my own situation, I too was going to leave my girlfriend on her own over Xmas. But i now realise that it would be wrong to abandon her at this special time. So I'm, going to speak to my family and see if they wouldn't mind if she spent xmas with us. I'm sure it won't be a problem, I mean, the wife and kids are normally very kind and generous people...
 
Father Ted said:
Reading this thread has made me re-evaluate my own situation, I too was going to leave my girlfriend on her own over Xmas. But i now realise that it would be wrong to abandon her at this special time. So I'm, going to speak to my family and see if they wouldn't mind if she spent xmas with us. I'm sure it won't be a problem, I mean, the wife and kids are normally very kind and generous people...
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~Excellent - reminds me of the Mayor Quimby scene - can I have 1 in wife size and 3 in mistress size.
 
Father Ted said:
Reading this thread has made me re-evaluate my own situation, I too was going to leave my girlfriend on her own over Xmas. But i now realise that it would be wrong to abandon her at this special time. So I'm, going to speak to my family and see if they wouldn't mind if she spent xmas with us. I'm sure it won't be a problem, I mean, the wife and kids are normally very kind and generous people...
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I would hate to be on my own for christmas.

I like being with family and if I was living with someone and they were on there own for christmas I would see if they could come with me or something.
 
Bar said:
Not wanting to be harsh but just how different is this to an escort? You have said you are spending vast amounts of money on her, no doubt its a physical relationship but it will also never progress in to anything. It is simply a relationship of convenience?
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So answer me this:

1. How many relationships have you been in?
2. Of those that lasted more than a couple of months, were you in love with the girl?
3. If the answer to 2 is no, at what point do you say this relationship is null and void?

And there is more to it than just the physical side and going places etc. I just don't think it's enough to last forever. We don't live in a perfect world and not every relationship we have is perfect.
 
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