The worlds WORST jokes in here please.

LeJosh · 28 Sep 2009 at 01:51

gillywibble said:
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Thread title is WORST jokes.

I was lulled into a false sense of security, you earn 5 points.

MikeHunt79 · 28 Sep 2009 at 03:59

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

dunker · 28 Sep 2009 at 04:42

what's red and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

a royal mail delivery van.

r3loaded · 28 Sep 2009 at 15:08

MikeHunt79 said:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

This is in the wrong thread, it's pretty good

mrbios · 28 Sep 2009 at 18:47

My mate just emailed me this one:

A very loud, fat, greasy, unattractive, chav type woman wearing A Liverpool top walked into ASDA in Manchester with her two umpalumpa kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through The entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning madam, and Welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly fat woman stopped yelling long enough to say,'****** Hell! No way, they're not twins yer ****. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the ****** ell would you think They're twins? Are you blind, thick, stupid or just a ****** Cheese eater?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA

Heavily starred out, hope i didn't miss any

physichull · 28 Sep 2009 at 19:03

Watch Strictly Come Dancing for Bruce Forsyth's jokes. They are just, well....just awful.

manoz · 28 Sep 2009 at 19:07

How many people does it take to change a light bulb?
Fish

biuro74 · 28 Sep 2009 at 21:13

What does it mean when you stop your car in the wood at midnight and see the hanged person's legs at the top of some tree ?
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You must definately lower your car's light.

MowyTone · 29 Sep 2009 at 16:56

Old musicians don't die, they just decompose

dangerstat · 29 Sep 2009 at 17:53

GuRkHa//$PIMP$ said:
Old musicians don't die, they just decompose

that really is bad

Gaygle · 29 Sep 2009 at 18:07

floatindolphin said:
How many kids with Attention Deficit Dissorder does it take to change a lightbulb?

LET'S GO PLAY ON BIKES!!!

FULLY ROFL.

4T5 · 29 Sep 2009 at 18:13

platypus said:
How do the police know that Fred West's victims were female?

They were all wearing foundation.

Say what you like about Fred but he layed a Brilliant patio.

Redz · 29 Sep 2009 at 18:46

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

Marky · 29 Sep 2009 at 18:47

floatindolphin said:
How many kids with Attention Deficit Dissorder does it take to change a lightbulb?

LET'S GO PLAY ON BIKES!!!

HA

I actually laughed at this one

Wizzfizz · 29 Sep 2009 at 22:31

What Bees produce milk?

BOOBEES

MarcLister · 29 Sep 2009 at 22:39

Sean Lock on QI?

Wizzfizz · 29 Sep 2009 at 22:46

No idea, mate just texted me. I thought it was quite bad and thought it deserved to be here

Vampyre · 29 Sep 2009 at 22:53

Do you know why there are no painkillers in the jungle?

Because the parrots ate 'em all

MarcLister · 29 Sep 2009 at 22:57

Sabotaj said:
No idea, mate just texted me. I thought it was quite bad and thought it deserved to be here

Ah right. And yes it does.

The Halk · 29 Sep 2009 at 23:22

Two armed robbers raided a bank yesterday, only to find the vault empty - except for one root vegetable in the middle of the room.

That certainly was a turnip for the crooks.