Crazy exs.

kaffe · 23 Aug 2011 at 10:56

naefeart said:
How long were you together, did you get a heads up this was coming?

It's not asking too much to get some sort of explanation as to why he's dumped you, but you may have to get used to the idea that there possibly isn't a real reason - what I mean is, a reason that will remedy the screaming 'What did I do wrong' question in your head.

How old is your ex?

It's unlikely this is a spur of the moment thing, he has probably been mulling it over for a while. What you might be able to ascertain, is what brought this to a head - e.g. were you about to get: engaged/married/a dog or move in together?

Perhaps things just didn't feel 'right' for him, or is it possible he's dealing with other 'issues' and is pushing you away?

We were together for just over a year, which in the grand scheme of things isn't that long but ya'know, still long enough for it to suck. He'd been grumpy with me for about a week but he's always tired (which makes him grumpy) so I thought nothing of it.

He's 21, I'm 19. He told me he'd been unhappy for a while (not sure how long a while is) so feeling a little stupid that I was all "oooh i love you" while he was thinking "get the **** out of my house".

We didn't have anything planned (I had some in my head but I kept them to myself, no one likes a girl who's planned a future

).

4T5 · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:01

kaffe said:
and let him know that if he changes his mind I'm still game.

what would you think if you're ex told you this?

I'd think Sweet I can still **** her when I want to. :cool:

Viper² · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:02

Should've made him a sandwich.

kaffe · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:03

Viper² said:
Should've made him a sandwich.

Made him sandwiches. Sometimes steak too.

A.N.Other · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:05

kaffe said:
He told me he'd been unhappy for a while (not sure how long a while is) so feeling a little stupid that I was all "oooh i love you" while he was thinking "get the **** out of my house".

Don't beat yourself up over it. Everything is obvious in hindsight.

He may never give you a clear answer, as there probably isn't one in the first place. More importantly, would you even want to know - what's wrong in one situation is right in another, what's wrong for one guy is right for another. Don't let him knock your confidence. Move on and put this one down as experience

PS. 20% caffeine is insufficient.

Gackt · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:06

He's a bit of a **** for upping and leaving you like that. Sounds like you're actually going to be better off without him.

Just do the same to him, cut him out of your life as much as possible, don't answer calls, don't reply to texts, just get on with your life.

kylew · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:08

Viper² said:
Should've made him a sandwich.

You spelt sammich wrong, especially if it's a steak one.

An actual serious reply from me though would be to say he's probably not worth it if he's not willing to tell you why, or even if he doesn't know why himself.

Zefan · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:08

kaffe said:
no one likes a girl who's planned a future ).

Negative, I think it's nice.

Anyway, you do deserve to know the reasons as to why really. If you're getting that "he's not being himself..." feeling then I'd say it's likely that he's in a bit of a weird place and isn't ready to talk about it yet.

Most of the time with breakups it comes down to the fact that the person doing the dumping just doesn't find it exciting anymore, it's become boring/dull/a chore to them for some reason. If it is this then my advice would be to make sure they know your feelings and then back right the **** off and get on with your life. By that I don't mean "cut them out and ignore texts and calls" as I think this is a really immature thing to do. Be an adult about it and reply to them if they talk to you, that's what grown ups do. If they miss you (which they are likely to do if they notice you're getting on with your life despite the downer of a breakup) then they'll approach you again, and if they don't then **** them - you've already been preparing yourself for life without them.

kaffe · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:11

Gackt said:
He's a bit of a **** for upping and leaving you like that. Sounds like you're actually going to be better off without him.

Just do the same to him, cut him out of your life as much as possible, don't answer calls, don't reply to texts, just get on with your life.

I would love to but he's not talking to me. So feeling a little bit foolish. I know it's not going to happen, but I can't help but still get excited that we might.

p.s. A.N.Other, will 30% do?

Narj · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:14

kaffe said:
no one likes a girl who's planned a future ).

Haha, reminds me of a couple of times when a girl has started going on about marriage, kids, house, dog etc after a few months together and I've had to make a sharp exit.

Zefan · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:14

If you know he's ignoring you then let him know, give him the "Ok so you're ignoring me, I'm sure you have your reasons. If you want to talk you know where I am, etc etc etc....". That'd be the last text I'd send them before getting on with my life.

A.N.Other · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:14

kaffe said:
p.s. A.N.Other, will 30% do?

Now you're talking

kaffe · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:16

Zefan said:
If you know he's ignoring you then let him know, give him the "Ok so you're ignoring me, I'm sure you have your reasons. If you want to talk you know where I am, etc etc etc....". That'd be the last text I'd send them before getting on with my life.

That's what I was thinking. But I don't want to seem to needy/desperate/etc.

hood1971 · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:19

kaffe said:
I'm a nice girl and deserve to be told if I've done something wrong. I don't mean to be unrealistic but just hoping that there is a little chance of reconciliation.

Doubtful it is something you have done wrong - people rarely break up for that (unless it is an affair). Even if you manage to have a chat with him it is unlikey the true reasons will come out. He will either try and justify himself, or blame himself to try and make you feel better.

Could be as simple as he wants more time for himself.

ChrisJSY · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:20

Sometimes people tend to not really tell the truth or twist it so they don't hurt the other person more than they already have. As well as them trying to sever it as easy as possible.
Chances are he's just had enough, my last two ended like that, as much as it was okay at first it just became something I did not want or like, it doesn't matter if you're a good person.

Would you rather hear what you have or "I'm tired of this monotonous relationship, the constant nagging, the psychotic rampages, <insert any reason you don't want to hear>.
That or he just doesn't feel any spark left, there's no good way to leave someone.

It doesn't help, but it can explain why, I should know this because I did it twice and it was far more preferable than listing what they had no idea they were doing.
But I was also part to blame because I am totally not the right person to be in a relationship, as much as some people exist in the world to be in one, I exist to not be in one, this I made sure they knew.
I couldn't have possibly known until I had tried though.

krooton · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:20

My first long term gf just went off me over the course of 2 months, then dumped my ass.

Second I was unhappy with for the last 9 months of our relationship, but didn't really discuss it and dropped the bomb when I had had enough and had developed a crush on another woman.

That woman became my (very rushed) fiancee, who subsequently dumped me out of the blue 2 months after saying yes to my proposal, lol.

Sometimes there isn't a specific reason though. The old adage of "you just know" when you fall in love? It works the other way too, sometimes you just know that the person you are with isn't the right person for you, even if there isn't a specific reason.

It's when a relationship ends on those terms that people get a bit messed up trying to find answers to unanswerable questions.

Sorry to hear about it, but onwards and upwards, ye be a young filly after all.

Substance · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:20

If a woman ever told me "if you change your mind I'm still game" It would sound to me like "go sleep around, do what you want, My legs are open whenever you need it"

I know that probably isn't what you meant but that's how some blokes will see it, If he does come back there is a chance that he just want a roll in the sack then will be off again

I would cut all ties and find yourself someone nice,

kaffe · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:20

hood1971 said:
Doubtful it is something you have done wrong - people rarely break up for that (unless it is an affair). Even if you manage to have a chat with him it is unlikey the true reasons will come out. He will either try and justify himself, or blame himself to try and make you feel better.

Could be as simple as he wants more time for himself.

He tried to tell me I'm unhappy...

MaX_PoWah · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:22

Just give him a bit of space, let him know your still there, when he starts examining the situation he might find that he was unhappy with other things in his life and not particularly the relationship or you, however if you hand on heart can say there was some rot in the relationship (maybe you were not making enough plans for him) then you need to be ready to give him some faith the direction of the relationship will change if you get back together.

Abraham · 23 Aug 2011 at 11:24

kaffe said:
He tried to tell me I'm unhappy...

While you may not see yourself as unhappy he might think that you should be happier, it might be obvious to him that it's just not working as a happy ever after between you. It's very easy to brush over imperfections and annoyances, even things that at the time infuriate you