The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
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Soldato
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Are you a fatty?
Nope. Don't know how to describe it, but everyone says I am a good cudler. Its probably the soft touch
Lol, I don't know.
I 6ft/6ft 1in and weigh some 70 kgs.
Hey was hoping for another opinion on this situation:
Heres the thing - i'm away in Taipei for a few months. (been gone 1 month so far). Before i left i spent a lot of time with a close friend of mine (female ofc) e.g. we went away to Edinburgh for a few days twin beds.
She has left messages (and in comments on stuff which everyone else can see) for me on facebook saying she misses me and when am i coming back. She has also started putting Love at the end of these messages (she didnt before and yeah i know loads of women do this and it doesnt mean diddly squat) She also stated she would visit me if im still here in March/April. I thought hrmm ok (not thinking she was serious).
Anyway the situation now (december) is she wants to come over for christmas or new year (a few weeks away). And basically hang out with me and if possible stay at my place (which admittedly is probably big enough) Although there is another dilemma of where she sleeps...there is a spare room but no bed. I have a double bed....thing is we have slept in the same bed before (no hanky panky) and she said its fine for friends to sleep in the same bed in a nonsexual kinda way.
To muddy the waters yet further - she is one of these ones who got away. I made a play for her ages ago. At the time she said whilst she liked me she was still involved with her boyfriend (a complete psycho). Anyway she has apparently broken up with him for about 2 months (though more like 4 months as she had a weird on/off relationship with him)
My friends, who i have bored literally to tears talking about this woman, have said shes a nutter and not to get involved.
Anyway after all that - my question is:
Is it usual for a friend to fly halfway across the world at great expense just to see you for a few weeks when in all likelihood i would be back after another couple of months. Why is she doing this? Does she harbour feelings for me?
Heres the thing - i'm away in Taipei for a few months. (been gone 1 month so far). Before i left i spent a lot of time with a close friend of mine (female ofc) e.g. we went away to Edinburgh for a few days twin beds.
She has left messages (and in comments on stuff which everyone else can see) for me on facebook saying she misses me and when am i coming back. She has also started putting Love at the end of these messages (she didnt before and yeah i know loads of women do this and it doesnt mean diddly squat) She also stated she would visit me if im still here in March/April. I thought hrmm ok (not thinking she was serious).
Anyway the situation now (december) is she wants to come over for christmas or new year (a few weeks away). And basically hang out with me and if possible stay at my place (which admittedly is probably big enough) Although there is another dilemma of where she sleeps...there is a spare room but no bed. I have a double bed....thing is we have slept in the same bed before (no hanky panky) and she said its fine for friends to sleep in the same bed in a nonsexual kinda way.
To muddy the waters yet further - she is one of these ones who got away. I made a play for her ages ago. At the time she said whilst she liked me she was still involved with her boyfriend (a complete psycho). Anyway she has apparently broken up with him for about 2 months (though more like 4 months as she had a weird on/off relationship with him)
My friends, who i have bored literally to tears talking about this woman, have said shes a nutter and not to get involved.
Anyway after all that - my question is:
Is it usual for a friend to fly halfway across the world at great expense just to see you for a few weeks when in all likelihood i would be back after another couple of months. Why is she doing this? Does she harbour feelings for me?
Short answer : No, that is not usual behavior.
It sounds like she either likes you, or is messing you about. If it was me, i'd step back and ask her exactly what's going on and what her intentions are.
I hate playing games and prefer to be told straight up.
This +100.
Just have it out with her and tell her you don't want to be a BF-subtitute, either lets have a proper relationship or just be normal frends.
At the moment she's treating you like a bf without the sex. Which isn't on
Soldato
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I would assume your friends know you/her better than we do, meaning they know better than us. So why did you come here?
Not trying to be rude, but I would follow your friends tbh. They know the situation perfectly, and if they feel that you should stay away, then my suggestion would be, stay away.
Oh that's one of the worst mind ****s imaginable. Been there, done that. Horrible.
Sometimes its good to get a fresh perspective from people neutral from the situation to provide an objective view on things.
Soldato
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Fair enough. Maybe they were just telling him to steer clear to get the situation over and done with (as he said he bored them to death with the topic).
Still feel you need to steer clear.
True. I think they've heard so much (probably negative things) about this chick and being good friends don't want to see him get hurt, consequently advising him to steer clear.
It's a tricky situation to be in, Surfer. Tread carefully dude....
I'd have to say actions speak louder than words. Why the flipping heck would she be flying half way across the planet to see you if she wasn't harbouring some feelings for you.
I don't think she's messing you about, but you said yourself you only spent time together just before you went away, and so maybe now after time has gone by and you've been communicating online etc, she wants to come and see you to see in person if there might be a future here.
Why do your friends say she's a nutter?
I don't think she's messing you about, but you said yourself you only spent time together just before you went away, and so maybe now after time has gone by and you've been communicating online etc, she wants to come and see you to see in person if there might be a future here.
Why do your friends say she's a nutter?
Soldato
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- Fareham
What a strange carry on this is...
I get there, she's in bed in that half awake half asleep state, tried to have a short conversation but it was mostly, what, huh..
I said I should go home and let her sleep, as I don't know why she she said come round if she's that knackered.
Oh but you're here now, may as well stay...
To which she then rolls away from me and goes back to sleep! No hug, no kiss, no explanation.
Should have just got back up and left!
Sounds like a very one sided relationship to me, you're doing all the leg work here and she doesn't seem interested, I would suggest you're wasting your time!
Sounds to me like she just wants a free holiday!
You're being used!
Euology..
Yea I was, not any more, I've stopped asking now. If she wants to see me she needs to tell me from now on. We're still texting (not as much as we were and it does feel very stale) So far that hasn't happened. I went to bed because the convo wasn't going anywhere and fell asleep
You're being used!
Euology..
Yea I was, not any more, I've stopped asking now. If she wants to see me she needs to tell me from now on. We're still texting (not as much as we were and it does feel very stale) So far that hasn't happened. I went to bed because the convo wasn't going anywhere and fell asleep
She has some issues (only one friend has outright said she is a nutter but other friends just say she has "difficulties". For example she had a tough time in her childhood and with her most recent ex. Dont want to go into details.
I have spent time with her so i know what she is like. For me the good outweighs the bad..i have been with her during bad times and managed to hang in there. I treat it like how i view a thunderstorm...i know at some point the sun will peek through the clouds again.
So i should ask her something like "Its an awful long way to fly just to see a friend?" or something else?
Yes - possibly. Before i moved away i was there for her emotionally and physically as she had a tough break up. I think me moving away has possibly made her rethink her feelings for me maybe.
At my leaving party one of my friends kinda had a go at her as he thought she had led me on a bit for a while. She is the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve all the time. She blurts out things without meaning to cause offence or without thinking things through.
However she has said to me that she was sorry if she had inadvertently led me on. She is extremely cautious about men and getting involved etc.
She has also said that if it wasnt for her emotional entanglement with her bf (ie the breakup) then yes she wouldve started a relationship with me.
What about sleeping in the same bed but as platonic friends is that normal?
Sorry if these are weird questions
Fuzz said:
Yeah but she still has to pay something like £800 for a return flight to Taiwan. She could go plenty of places for 2 weeks much if she wanted a holiday.
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