This is where I am at now.. (well I made pointed text about it all late last night when I found out she was on her way to her mates house having already organised to meet up then in a very similar way to tonight.)
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The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
This is where I am at now.. (well I made pointed text about it all late last night when I found out she was on her way to her mates house having already organised to meet up then in a very similar way to tonight.)
If it was me, and I genuniely wanted to see you (speaking as a fellow woman) this evening, i'd sure as hell have text you by now, either to say something had come up, or to come round. Even if it was just an "I'm knackered, and going home to bed" crap excuse.
Sorry but she's messing you about if you ask me. Maybe thats just because I am up front and honest with people but why would she said she would let you know and then not, unless she was trying to make excuses in a backhanded way.
(sorry if this isn't helping, tell me to shut up if you want)
Not to sound all 'Game-like' but that just sounds quite... weak, for the lack of a better word.
I get it's been 2 months and you're probably comfortable with each other, but 'If you'd like to see me' type of mentality comes off very needy, even at this stage.
Appreciate yourself and your time, if she doesn't explicitly ask to see you then screw it, go do something awesome or hang with some mates whatever.
hmm...she only needed to plug it in before calling/texting you not 'wait for it to charge'...all sounds a bit dodgy to me to be honest
I didn't extrapolate that very well.
She put the phone on charge and then went to put her daughter to bed and fell asleep with her..
Now I'm here I've found out why she's falling asleep.
The mate she went to babysit... Didn't come home til 4 am, then she got her car stuck and had to be towed out, got home circa 5:30 am.
But still.... If only she'd have said I could have seen the dilemma and showed some compassion for the situation!
She put the phone on charge and then went to put her daughter to bed and fell asleep with her..
Now I'm here I've found out why she's falling asleep.
The mate she went to babysit... Didn't come home til 4 am, then she got her car stuck and had to be towed out, got home circa 5:30 am.
But still.... If only she'd have said I could have seen the dilemma and showed some compassion for the situation!
I don't know what to recon to my place in the relationship spectrum at the moment.
With a new girl who is just the polar opposite to my ex, does anything i tell her, absolutely mad about me, cant do enough for me, but trouble is i am just not feeling it and i feel terrible because she is so nice to me and my ex was such a cow.
She has bought me a right stack of christmas presents, don't get me wrong i have bought her a few things but i barely feel interested in the situation.
With a new girl who is just the polar opposite to my ex, does anything i tell her, absolutely mad about me, cant do enough for me, but trouble is i am just not feeling it and i feel terrible because she is so nice to me and my ex was such a cow.
She has bought me a right stack of christmas presents, don't get me wrong i have bought her a few things but i barely feel interested in the situation.
So just over a year & she's gone from wanting to move in together to "its not you, its me"
Single for Christmas then...
experiencing the whole works with the emotions right now, hurt, lonely, angry, etc... The worst bit is that I lost a few friends who didn't fit in with the life I was leading & now when I could really use them... Yeah, any advice welcome & think I'm going to stay single for a while now...
Single for Christmas then...
experiencing the whole works with the emotions right now, hurt, lonely, angry, etc... The worst bit is that I lost a few friends who didn't fit in with the life I was leading & now when I could really use them... Yeah, any advice welcome & think I'm going to stay single for a while now...
Try picturing yourself without the new girl and see how you feel about that. People don't tend of appreciate what they've got until they lose it.
Keep yourself busy with other things in your life. Your job, hobbies, family maybe?
Saw your post in the forum email on my phone so been slowly typing this out while working away but...
When you say lost a few friends what's stopping you from reconnecting with them?
You probably don't want it to seem like the sole reason you're attempting to get back in contact with those friends is because you're single now either in-case they get the wrong impression but if they used to be good friends then you'll know them better than anyone else anyway so will know how to approach it from a different angle.
I had a similar experience a long time ago and back then I was rubbish with and around people in general which didn't help matters but it did give me a learning experience and some of those friends are still around me today (although I don't get to see them as often as I maybe would like) so it can work out
The most balls part about being single and male in your 20s (I assume form your username!) though is that some friends will most likely have settled down or be in long term relationships so the stuff you used to do together with the freedom you once had isn't possible any more and when it is it has to be arranged waaaay in advance because of their other halves etc. It's not as apparent to them because they don't see it from this point of view.
For me I've gotten too used to the single way of life now because it's been so long but in a way it's also a good thing (well for the time being anyway), more freedom to do other things and all that
Use your money saved and go somewhere nice, or start doing something fun to meet new people as well
None of the above probably helped but hey ho
Hmmm,incoming stream of thoughts from last week. Wanted it out of my head 
I found it stifiling being in a relationship in my mid 20's. My longest was 5years (immature breakup+my fault). Then from 26 years till now (38) have not had a 'serious' relationship, but a fantastic string of mildly average 6month long misadventures. I'm easy going and understanding in general. I can play the games if i have to.
Initially, you think its because 'you' have the problem.
You do come to realise as I have that people enter into relationships with a heap of emotional baggage.
Case in point, my recent girlfriend and I were on and off since she had to go find herself by leaving her well paid job at Reuters to travel around the world. We met a few months prior to her setting off. Gets to a point where she asks me to drop my responsibilites and go away with her for 6months. I said no, cannot do it.
So she goes off, and if im honest, for me that would be the end of it, out of sight and out of mind.
So her 6month jaunt turns into 2years away! She spends those years hopping back and forth across to the continent, occasionally we meet up in Uk, and again don't invest as she states that there is job offer in Spain, or Germany etc.. ( she takes up the Spanish one for a time) all in all probaly see her for a few days in total over those years.
Now at this point, i don't consider investing any serious emotion as well, she isn't about.
So, she finally comes back to Uk and she calls out of the blue, I'm surprised at this. start hanging out, thing is the jobs have all dried up for her, so she is twiddling her thumbs till the New Year. I even use my own contacts to get her work. ( no luck)
She contacts me, we kick things off, usual stuff, meals, cinemas etc..
Still at this point, I'm unwilling to really invest as im waiting for the ' im off ' to go find ....something!
Last few weeks, i start noticing the occasional dig at me. Things like, not spending time with her, etc.. ( i would see her few times a week, and foot the bill for dates, im old school and have always paid) She even has a serious emotional panic one night and calls me up all teary eyed, hyperventilating, so I pick her up, feed her Jaffa Cakes and ice cream to cheer her up. Let her stay at mine and am a total gentleman (fool?)
Then, Friday just gone, we have a nice meal, and as we are leaving, another dig!
So I politely ask what's up?
Responses;
- That I didn't contact her or make much of an effort while she was away for 2 years( yeah because I really want to hear about the great times your having while I graft and keep my businesses afloat through a recession)
- That had I asked her to stay, she would have. ( that's right, because asking her to stay and not go and follow her dream to train in Thailand with kickboxing school is my place to demand)
-That she was 'in love' with me before she left, and had I but asked she would have stayed (hindsight is a sweet thing an you imagine if I had selfishly asked her to stay...it's a trap!!!
- that she doesn't feel for me now as she did then.that we are more like 'friends with Benefits. (who makes up these silly terms, FWB,bro-mances, ####buddies, NSA, hook up seems so schoolground childish )
-That I'm trusted (the hyperventilating panic call, as I'm trusted!, or that im an emotional punchbag for her drama...who can tell?
-that there isn't a future for us. (okay)
-that my only chance with her was the initial 6months we met prior to her 2year sabbatical ( just wow, your dealing in absolutes, self absorbed much honey?)
- that this was her just being 'honest' with me (heh heheh hahahahahah!)
I drop her to hers, and she does the ' don't hate me' tag line that women love to pull on men. I don't 'hate' anyone I reply. I state I chat to her in week or so as I need to digest everything that's been said.
She leaves solemnly.
I call up one of my ' friends with benefits' (seriously sounds like something that chancellor Osbourne would talk about) go around and spend the night healthily
We have a chat about what happened with the other woman.
My mate Is bi and I like to believe she has a good grasp of women.
After talking over it, my mate nails it in one...
' She is a nutter!'
...and relaaxx!
If you read this far, bravo!
P.s. Lying here typing this in early hours, the point im trying to make, is that things can't be forced.A healthy relationship is mutually beneficial to both of you. you also have to make sure that both of you are 'in' the relationship.
You just need to learn to get on with your own life and live that to the fullest and if it happens then it happens. If not, well then ...
Have a Merry Xmas !
I found it stifiling being in a relationship in my mid 20's. My longest was 5years (immature breakup+my fault). Then from 26 years till now (38) have not had a 'serious' relationship, but a fantastic string of mildly average 6month long misadventures. I'm easy going and understanding in general. I can play the games if i have to.
Initially, you think its because 'you' have the problem.
You do come to realise as I have that people enter into relationships with a heap of emotional baggage.
Case in point, my recent girlfriend and I were on and off since she had to go find herself by leaving her well paid job at Reuters to travel around the world. We met a few months prior to her setting off. Gets to a point where she asks me to drop my responsibilites and go away with her for 6months. I said no, cannot do it.
So she goes off, and if im honest, for me that would be the end of it, out of sight and out of mind.
So her 6month jaunt turns into 2years away! She spends those years hopping back and forth across to the continent, occasionally we meet up in Uk, and again don't invest as she states that there is job offer in Spain, or Germany etc.. ( she takes up the Spanish one for a time) all in all probaly see her for a few days in total over those years.
Now at this point, i don't consider investing any serious emotion as well, she isn't about.
So, she finally comes back to Uk and she calls out of the blue, I'm surprised at this. start hanging out, thing is the jobs have all dried up for her, so she is twiddling her thumbs till the New Year. I even use my own contacts to get her work. ( no luck)
She contacts me, we kick things off, usual stuff, meals, cinemas etc..
Still at this point, I'm unwilling to really invest as im waiting for the ' im off ' to go find ....something!
Last few weeks, i start noticing the occasional dig at me. Things like, not spending time with her, etc.. ( i would see her few times a week, and foot the bill for dates, im old school and have always paid) She even has a serious emotional panic one night and calls me up all teary eyed, hyperventilating, so I pick her up, feed her Jaffa Cakes and ice cream to cheer her up. Let her stay at mine and am a total gentleman (fool?)
Then, Friday just gone, we have a nice meal, and as we are leaving, another dig!
So I politely ask what's up?
Responses;
- That I didn't contact her or make much of an effort while she was away for 2 years( yeah because I really want to hear about the great times your having while I graft and keep my businesses afloat through a recession)
- That had I asked her to stay, she would have. ( that's right, because asking her to stay and not go and follow her dream to train in Thailand with kickboxing school is my place to demand)
-That she was 'in love' with me before she left, and had I but asked she would have stayed (hindsight is a sweet thing an you imagine if I had selfishly asked her to stay...it's a trap!!!
- that she doesn't feel for me now as she did then.that we are more like 'friends with Benefits. (who makes up these silly terms, FWB,bro-mances, ####buddies, NSA, hook up seems so schoolground childish )
-That I'm trusted (the hyperventilating panic call, as I'm trusted!, or that im an emotional punchbag for her drama...who can tell?
-that there isn't a future for us. (okay)
-that my only chance with her was the initial 6months we met prior to her 2year sabbatical ( just wow, your dealing in absolutes, self absorbed much honey?)
- that this was her just being 'honest' with me (heh heheh hahahahahah!)
I drop her to hers, and she does the ' don't hate me' tag line that women love to pull on men. I don't 'hate' anyone I reply. I state I chat to her in week or so as I need to digest everything that's been said.
She leaves solemnly.
I call up one of my ' friends with benefits' (seriously sounds like something that chancellor Osbourne would talk about) go around and spend the night healthily
We have a chat about what happened with the other woman.
My mate Is bi and I like to believe she has a good grasp of women.
After talking over it, my mate nails it in one...
' She is a nutter!'
...and relaaxx!
If you read this far, bravo!
P.s. Lying here typing this in early hours, the point im trying to make, is that things can't be forced.A healthy relationship is mutually beneficial to both of you. you also have to make sure that both of you are 'in' the relationship.
You just need to learn to get on with your own life and live that to the fullest and if it happens then it happens. If not, well then ...
Have a Merry Xmas !
I'd agree with your other mate, she sounds like she wants to believe an alternate reality. She asked you to go abroad with her, so I doubt she would've stayed in the UK if you'd insisted on it.
Best rid, pal. Good on you for not being a doormat for 2 years. Sounds like she just wanted a backup plan in Blighty for when it all went awry.
What a strange carry on this is...
I get there, she's in bed in that half awake half asleep state, tried to have a short conversation but it was mostly, what, huh..
I said I should go home and let her sleep, as I don't know why she she said come round if she's that knackered.
Oh but you're here now, may as well stay...
To which she then rolls away from me and goes back to sleep! No hug, no kiss, no explanation.
Should have just got back up and left!
I get there, she's in bed in that half awake half asleep state, tried to have a short conversation but it was mostly, what, huh..
I said I should go home and let her sleep, as I don't know why she she said come round if she's that knackered.
Oh but you're here now, may as well stay...
To which she then rolls away from me and goes back to sleep! No hug, no kiss, no explanation.
Should have just got back up and left!
If she'd stayed, she'd have resented you for it, which would have eventually resulted in the relationship ending and her going off to travel anyway.
I've been in a similar situation and agree that no one in their right mind would snuff out or put someone else's dreams on hold. She is just plain mental.
What a strange carry on this is...
I get there, she's in bed in that half awake half asleep state, tried to have a short conversation but it was mostly, what, huh..
I said I should go home and let her sleep, as I don't know why she she said come round if she's that knackered.
Oh but you're here now, may as well stay...
To which she then rolls away from me and goes back to sleep! No hug, no kiss, no explanation.
Should have just got back up and left!
Women: indecipherable!
Should have just got back up and left!
But you didn't, you came running after waiting ages, only to be treated like ****, and she wins this round yet again.