The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Doonhamer said:
I can totally sympathise with where knip is coming from. I'm also relatively recently single, also 33 and its a terrible age to be on your own. Such a huge percentage of people around you are settled, getting married, having babies and sometimes circumstance can almost leave you locked out of things with no way of getting back without a chance meeting or other slice of luck.

I'm told once you get closer to 40 it all changes though as the divorces start to kick in, hope I dont have to wait that long though!
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Well, I'm 36 and recently single (October), and too can relate to this situation. Virtually all of my friends are now married and having children and are not that interested in going out anymore. I do stuff; I go to the gym, am a member of a cycling club - however, I don't see much potential here.

It's a pain, if I go back 2/3 years - there were other women in my social group who there was definitely potential with, however, now there is nothing (probably sounds recentful, and probably is).

I know it's only been 3 months, and I know that I'm not properly over the relationship (which was 8 years long), however, it's a concern that plays on my mind at times.

In addition to this, I've been left with 4 cats so am building up a reputation as a mad cat man! ;)
 
The problem I've found is that once you turn 30, lots of the women you meet want to settle down and have kids. That's fine unless you're like me and don't want to do all that stuff! I'd rather travel and do interesting things.

I've had opportunities but I'm not prepared to waste someone else's time because I know what will happen when the "chat" comes (I've already had to bail twice previously). :rolleyes:
 
I find going out on the town solo ok 50% of the time when you get chatting away to anyone talkative (anyone im not talking about trying to chat-up the opposite sex just general chat). The other 50% you end up looking like billy-no-mates because even engaging people in polite conversation these days is hit and miss and because most people are in groups it can be even harder just to talk to anyone.
 
Have to agree sometimes going out solo can be okay at times as most times you can find some people who are talkative think I have done it a few times as I couldn't get anyone out due to as knip said earlier either people in relationships or have kids

Would prefer to go out in a group though but sometimes that’s not always possible
 
PardonTheWait said:
Of course, but a building with the primary purpose of getting paralytic and rubbing up against strangers, in which you can't really hear or see people properly isn't perfect.

It's perfect for rubbing up against strangers in though.
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There are lots of ways to meet people and if you don't want to rub up against strangers then there are so many other ways to meet people.
 
Doonhamer said:
I'm told once you get closer to 40 it all changes though as the divorces start to kick in, hope I dont have to wait that long though!
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i'm 33 too and finished with a girl over the summer as we'd only been seeing one another for 3 months and she was really nice, ticked a lot of boxes but she was way more keen than i was etc but the main reason i halted proceedings was because of the realisation that if i stayed with her, i could be blowing away some more party/socialising years. this would be unfair on her and me.

33 is nothing, you're still in your prime and you may not be at your fittest but your body is likely at its strongest and most importantly, so is your mind. use both to full effect to get the most out of your life and make sure you spend your time looking for the right person and not settling and ended up one of the divorce stats.

a lot of girls i meet now are 24/25/26/27 which is great because they've got the partying out of their system and are mature in mind. whereas now i look back to girls i was meeting 10 yrs ago, they were all about partying and naive.
 
Crikey, had a bit of a mare tonight... one of my best mates is feeling down. His GF had their baby about a year ago and now she has apparently turned into a right hateful cow. Looks like a split is on the cards, even though he despises the idea and wants to make things work for the sake of the child... Two sides and all but I know him well and he's not an idiot by any stretch of the imagination. :(

Hugs to him. Poor sod. Many people get dramatic over splits but it's a whole new ball game when a baby is involved. :(
 
For those with no idea where to start meeting people..

http://www.meetup.com/

I've had some awesome fun in the Bristol extreme adventures meet up group. And I don't even live in Bristol!

I've also joined local social groups that organise things via Facebook.
The GF before last only happened via someone in that meet up group mentioning my name outside in her own social circle!!
Boom. :D
 
Fuzz said:
For those with no idea where to start meeting people..

http://www.meetup.com/

I've had some awesome fun in the Bristol extreme adventures meet up group. And I don't even live in Bristol!

I've also joined local social groups that organise things via Facebook.
The GF before last only happened via someone in that meet up group mentioning my name outside in her own social circle!!
Boom. :D
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That site looks a really good site to create groups not only just meeting (as I can see there is a developers one). Looks fantastic and the navigation is great.
 
It does cost a little money to run your own page, some group organisers wear that cost, others pass it on to the members (like £2 a year each or something)

I've done a daft thing... :(
Gone and text the ex that I was feeling a bit down and lonely tonight. Oops.
I was feeling a right bit better this weekend having spent it down south with my brother going out to a gig and a pub.. Soon as I get home I'm thinking about her again...
FFFFFUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
 
Fuzz said:
It does cost a little money to run your own page, some group organisers wear that cost, others pass it on to the members (like £2 a year each or something)

I've done a daft thing... :(
Gone and text the ex that I was feeling a bit down and lonely tonight. Oops.
I was feeling a right bit better this weekend having spent it down south with my brother going out to a gig and a pub.. Soon as I get home I'm thinking about her again...
FFFFFUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
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BUT YOU WERE DOING SO WELL

Argh. :p
 
mrbell1984 said:
That site looks a really good site to create groups not only just meeting (as I can see there is a developers one). Looks fantastic and the navigation is great.
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Yeah that site looks really good - there are a few groups around my way I might be interested in joining. Thanks for sharing, Fuzz!
 
Next time you are about to text an ex, put on some adult Internet material.. Have yourself a private 10 minute hand shandy. Then reassess your message situation.

Any time I ever text exes was cos I had the horn and fancied the convenient option.

But overall you are definitely weaker than most folk fuzz.
 
It was New Year's Eve, I had previously shelved all my plans because I thought I'd be with her.
I didn't have the horn, I was just feeling lonely.
She stabbed me with it in the end anyway, she contacted me after my text, said she was going somewhere but should be back before midnight and she'd let me know....
So once again she left me hanging, didn't contact me before midnight but had the gall to text me "happy new year" at quarter past twelve.

I asked for that really!
That's it... No more, I have no ounce of care left in me after that.
 
Fuzz said:
It was New Year's Eve, I had previously shelved all my plans because I thought I'd be with her.
I didn't have the horn, I was just feeling lonely.
She stabbed me with it in the end anyway, she contacted me after my text, said she was going somewhere but should be back before midnight and she'd let me know....
So once again she left me hanging, didn't contact me before midnight but had the gall to text me "happy new year" at quarter past twelve.

I asked for that really!
That's it... No more, I have no ounce of care left in me after that.
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Fuzz, you need to cut this one off mate, you are making yourself look like a fool! Stop all contact with this girl and take some time to yourself, reassess your priorities, sort your head out, figure out what went wrong this time and do better next time.

From reading your posts it sounds like you were/are really attached to this girl, and there was little/no reciprocation of these feelings from her.

I'll be honest here and say that you sounded a little too needy, even when you are in a relationship you need to be able to take a step back, realise that you are your own person, and you need to be able to function without being too clingy.

Best of luck to you!
 
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