Nearly a decade after quitting smoking in September this year i joined the ranks of vapists in an attempt to get my long craved nicotine fix and shed some of the weight I gained over the years without creating as much destruction to my lungs. I decided to use uneducated fix of low nicotine, high flavour solution to control "munchies" after vivid recollection on how I could go on with single meals and pack a day throughout my student and early adulthood years. So far, so questionable, but it seems to work as expected. I effortlessly shed 7kg across 6 weeks without feeling particularly hungry or angry, with itaste MVP as a handy tool to achieve some instant zen carried with me at all times.
That said however, I found technological aspect of vaping frustrating to say the least. The following are my notes:
- Whichever of you motherlovers decided to start using essences that make plastics brittle and whichever manufacturer decided to keep making their POS atomizers, clearomizers, whathaveyoumizers from plasitic that reacts to self implosion with chemicals used in vaping juices, both of you need to be shot. You motherlovers owe me at least 5 atoclearowhathaveyoumizers and at least two bottles of juice, two washing cycles and dry cleaning bill for my wool jumper. It's also fantastic advertisement to anyone who considers picking up vaping as a method to give up smoking. Try having "do you mean to tell me the juice you put in your lungs eats through plastics?!!!" in public places several times a month you extrement eating, cheapskate penny pinchers. Stop it. Stop the madness now. I'm looking at you joose-juice, I'm looking at you vivi nova V-core 2.0. I'm looking at you Kanger MT3. Tank makers. Stop making polycarbonate tanks. If not because of cracking then because of BPA. It's really bad for us. It's illegal to use in some countries by now. And it's highly reactive, as you can see from reaction with some juices. WTF is wrong with you?
Juice makers. Stop using benzyl acetate based flavourings in such high ratios that they react with plastics. Yes, they have food industry approval, but if you already concentrated it to the point where people mail you with reports of it melting through 2mm tops of their Kangers, you have probably gone several times over safe consumption limits. Stop it. WTF is wrong with you?
- The tech is nowhere near consumer ready. It's a comedy of alpha testing. You buy pack of three iclear 16's, two are nice and tight, the third has a thread that keeps on rotating on the mount. You buy pack of two X10 protanks, one needs chernobyl powerstation voltage to get going, the other has thread quarter of a mm too short to make a contact with plate on standardised mount and fire up at all. You buy a pack of two EGO pens, one works for 2 minutes and charges every second time, the other works for 30 minutes but loses charge within 48 hours even when off/not used. You buy pack of two iClear 30's, one makes slurping noise like sucking on a straw in empty milkshake tub, the other leaks from the mount hole all over the table. You pack of two Kanger Pro Tank II's and one takes forever to get going on 4V, the other is harsh like swallowing Wilkinson's Sword finest on 3.4V. Then you have those shoddy silicons tops inside that make a loud pop every now and then and spit bubbles of juice back into your mouth on a second draw. Oh my god people. How hard hard is it to do your measurements precise and make this tech less embarrassing to use. Amateur hour. This stuff ain't cheap. Stop the madness.
- E-liquids. Juices. Man, oh man alive. Can we just please agree to stop using cheapest off the shelf cake flavourings for stuff that we inhale? Prime example - irish cream flavours. Everyone use the same terrible Enumbernumber stuff that tastes like Monin Coffee syrups. Just buy a bottle of Baileys and see what it supposed to taste like. Try separate ingredients instead of off the shelf flavour. Dekang. Stop. Just stop. It's quite clear alcohols are not your forte. Vaping King, darling, yours is miles better than anyone else's so far but double choco cream tasting of spearmint? Really? What metrosexual bar do you get your cocktails at? Joose Juice, Irish Coffee is not supposed to taste like anti freeze. And while we at Joose Juice. I liked their cheesecake flavour but something is reacting badly in Joose Juice nuts favours. I had pecan, and two pistachio samples from them, within two weeks they all taste like licking insides of old hoover bag. Pina Colada sample bottle after a month smells like pipe cleaner. I'm not brave enough to even try it. Alchemist Cupboard. Probably best flavours so far. Gran's Trickle Tart, Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie, American Apple Pie, their banana thing, all were good, but the samplers only come in maximum strength. Whoompf enducing and trippy stuff. Few puffs on empty stomach on my way to work in the morning and I swear I can hear radio traffic at Heathrow Flight Control tower and my eyes are glowing in the dark. Love the taste, but I have to mix Chocolate Peanut Butter with some 0 strength caramel. All I'm saying is - it's a 10ml sampler - roll out some strengths for regular people or it might be difficult for some of us to come back to your till in one piece.
And then there is the lack of info. Oh my god. It's worse than engine mods. You need to embark on days of research and geekiness to complete the quest with right equipment the first time around. Threads, sizes, types, mizer this, mizer that, battery number differences of one digit, ohmometers involved, "Samsung Galaxy" like model assignment malarky, you buy one iClear and one Pro Tank, then second iClear and second Pro Tank, they are all different animals, in different shape and size, one with wicks one without, one with metal tip, one with plastic, one with sticky surface, one with wings to attach to underwear (oh, what's my wives shopping list doing in my notes?). Oh, and the next a-hole to call anything Vivi Nova something, I swear I'm going to take a large battery modding device and whack you across your Ego stick so hard you will see your first pack of cigarettes iClearly.
I seem to have gone all Lewis Black on this thing, let me retire for short vaping session.
