The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
So the daughter is old enough to be over the constant-attention baby stage, and your ex has been separated from her husband for long enough that you aren't a rebound.
Seems like the ideal time to me (if there were such things).
Ok well I think this is the best place to ask for advice on this.
My ex and I split up a long time ago - 8/9 years ago. Nothing wrong, parted on good terms, still talked on and off (And when ever we did talk it wasn't akward or anything daft)
She and I have always been able to talk about anyting, and offer each other help, advice etc.
I freely admit I still have some feelings for her - but I've also accepted we are just friends. Untill recently.
My Brother is getting married soon, and I wasn't going to take a +1, as I'm not seeing anyone and wasn't feeling all that great about being on my own at that point.
We had been talking for a while, I now she has had a few things change - well for 1 she is a mum now. I should add that doesn't bother me in the slightest.
So out of blue, I asked her if she'd like to go. She's said yes, which is fantastic!
Now I'm staying all weekend for the wedding, room booked etc. And we are sharing the room.....
We talk every night, every morning, snatched conversation's throughout the day - it's almost like we are back as before.
My parents, brother and his missus are really happy she's coming, so no issues there.
I just don't know were she is at, I now she is single, I now she has said she want's to get herself settled and sorted for her and her daughter, which is fine. I know I'd really like to try again with her, but I also now that she might not be there or in that sort of space (AKA fully friend zoned with her end of)
ANyone make any sense of the above inchorrent rambleing..... I now I can't
TLR - Me and ex going to wedding together, feel's like we are a couple again in everything
Thing you have to ask is why did you split in first place is the reason you split still there? Also tell her how you feel.
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Soldato
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Ok well I think this is the best place to ask for advice on this.
My ex and I split up a long time ago - 8/9 years ago. Nothing wrong, parted on good terms, still talked on and off (And when ever we did talk it wasn't akward or anything daft)
She and I have always been able to talk about anyting, and offer each other help, advice etc.
I freely admit I still have some feelings for her - but I've also accepted we are just friends. Untill recently.
My Brother is getting married soon, and I wasn't going to take a +1, as I'm not seeing anyone and wasn't feeling all that great about being on my own at that point.
We had been talking for a while, I now she has had a few things change - well for 1 she is a mum now. I should add that doesn't bother me in the slightest.
So out of blue, I asked her if she'd like to go. She's said yes, which is fantastic!
Now I'm staying all weekend for the wedding, room booked etc. And we are sharing the room.....
We talk every night, every morning, snatched conversation's throughout the day - it's almost like we are back as before.
My parents, brother and his missus are really happy she's coming, so no issues there.
I just don't know were she is at, I now she is single, I now she has said she want's to get herself settled and sorted for her and her daughter, which is fine. I know I'd really like to try again with her, but I also now that she might not be there or in that sort of space (AKA fully friend zoned with her end of)
ANyone make any sense of the above inchorrent rambleing..... I now I can't
TL
*Know
Friend Zone, or temp Friend with potenial benefits.... Move on! The fact she's got a child now means she's searching for stability and she obv see's you as that. Which isn't good. You could get sucked in for years and then down the line she realised why you broke up in the first place.
Which is my next question, under what circs did you spilt up... The most important part you left out.
No, you've developed feelings for her when all you know is she wants to continue FWB. You'll get hurt a lot more by continuing.
It really doesn't, it sounds like a 1 sided story of reminiscence of a relationship that no longer is.
Unless she has said she wants to try again you should walk away, you have feelings and she hasn't. If you've not even talked about it (can't remember if you said you had) then that's worth trying otherwise and as hard as it will be, she doesn't feel the same way about you.
Seems to soon to be looking for a relationship, she also won't be the same person as she was 9 years ago. Sounds like you never really moved on and she did. Sorry, I could be wrong and things might rekindle, it happens I'm rather stating that she won't be the same person with a daughter any more. Best of luck at the wedding, hope you and your ex have a lovely time.
Cheers all
There was a never a reason for us to split up, neither of us know why we did, she said I was the best BF she's had, and she was a awesome GF aswell.
I'n answer, I did move on, had a few dates etc, and I've been fine with being single and just getting on with life. But with the way we are both now, we are older, we both want stabilty, a real relationship. I know she won't be the same person, but well, she sort of is and she is also way better then she was in some cases
It's hard to explain properly
There was a never a reason for us to split up, neither of us know why we did, she said I was the best BF she's had, and she was a awesome GF aswell.
I'n answer, I did move on, had a few dates etc, and I've been fine with being single and just getting on with life. But with the way we are both now, we are older, we both want stabilty, a real relationship. I know she won't be the same person, but well, she sort of is and she is also way better then she was in some cases
It's hard to explain properly
Soldato
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I personally would go in with no expectation and hold no real hope… That way there’s nothing to lose, if you go on all strong it’ll prob put it off.
Cant understand how there was no reason for you to slip up but you still did… Good luck either way. I personally wouldn’t ever look back once I’ve moved forward.
Soldato
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Got shot down pretty much. *Sigh* 
Bit confusing as I've edited my OP. She has told me she does not want FWB, but is happy to carry on seeing me. Yet she doesn't want a relationship. Knowing her, she wants to take things very slowly. We shall see.
So you broke up with her, most likely initiated by her, she then goes and has a kid with a guy, most likely a ******** - and now she wants you back to help raise another guys kid after it didn't work out with him, and you're the one who's worried it might not work out. Wow.
Been doing a lot of thinking
Decided I don't like my job, it was always for the money that I needed to keep ex happy (dog, house with garden)
I don't like the area (which job keeps me in)
I'm the worrying type (and now will probably always worry even more in any new relationship)
I liked the thought of unconditional love (another thing I'll never believe I'll have)
Decided I want,
A dog as they don't let you down
A job that doesn't randomly take me places (thus I can't have a dog)
A job that doesn't worry me
Think the security and permancy of unconditional love was what I thought (naively) I had
I also am not keen on people and love Animals
This obviously isn't going to be a quick process. So it will give me a chance to think about it.
Main things are, not happy with job
And
Loss of trust/belief in people
Decided I don't like my job, it was always for the money that I needed to keep ex happy (dog, house with garden)
I don't like the area (which job keeps me in)
I'm the worrying type (and now will probably always worry even more in any new relationship)
I liked the thought of unconditional love (another thing I'll never believe I'll have)
Decided I want,
A dog as they don't let you down
A job that doesn't randomly take me places (thus I can't have a dog)
A job that doesn't worry me
Think the security and permancy of unconditional love was what I thought (naively) I had
I also am not keen on people and love Animals
This obviously isn't going to be a quick process. So it will give me a chance to think about it.
Main things are, not happy with job
And
Loss of trust/belief in people
Soldato
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- 5 Feb 2006
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- 3,524
right alex. i can't remember if i've said this in the past or what. but see some one. the reason i say it as you remind me of my self. ive been speaking to some one lately and it has helped me immensely. i dont mean a doc, i have been seeing a pyschotherapist. there are things in your writing etc which make me think you have some stuff you need to work out. probably things you might not even be aware of but if you want a happy life. get it out.
It may be impossible to know
But try to make sure she actually wants you rather than seeing you as a soft touch
Not saying anything obviously
But I would be concerned myself
Now might be a better time than before
I'm fairly clear in my feelings, but can't make sense of how to handle them
I'm sure about the job though, that was an issue when I was with her
Soldato
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honestly. speak to some one. for you but also for this thread 
the first step to recovery is like an alcoholic. you have to first admit and accept you might have a problem and seek help. theres no cowardliness in it whats so ever, exact opposite.
if you want a new job go get one. do things for you. it reads as though a lot of happiness was channeled through your ex. not your self and also seems like youre blaming your self. takes 2 people dude. Any way. speak to a doc, they might suggest people or areas to find local help, NHS do provide assistance but you might get it quicker if you pay. Can cost though. meds might help but thats for a doc to speak about.
ultimately. give your self a break
the first step to recovery is like an alcoholic. you have to first admit and accept you might have a problem and seek help. theres no cowardliness in it whats so ever, exact opposite. if you want a new job go get one. do things for you. it reads as though a lot of happiness was channeled through your ex. not your self and also seems like youre blaming your self. takes 2 people dude. Any way. speak to a doc, they might suggest people or areas to find local help, NHS do provide assistance but you might get it quicker if you pay. Can cost though. meds might help but thats for a doc to speak about.
ultimately. give your self a break
Oh ok, yeah I noticed your earlier post about things being to personal.
Has she met someone? FWB can stop when this happens, it's really hard to give advice when not knowing much. Frankly if you need to post here for advice (or was it for just get it off your chest?) I would say your better off remaining simply as friends and finding someone who doesn't start things off with so many questions. You deserve to be happy too don't go out of the way for her if it's not going to be worth it.
The same situation can be read completely differently though.
They broke up, but they have stayed in regular contact. She met another guy and had a kid with him but she never really got over her ex, and now wants him back.