The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

fredwi · 14 Feb 2017 at 08:35

The back store is before Christmas she said that we was not going anywhere which was true we stopped talking for like a week then we met up and she said she would give it another go clue one is I never got anything for Christmas. The first few weeks we met up more done more stuff together then we stopped talking as much and she said that she was not bothered about valentines day so I asked her how she felt about us and she said that we are going no where.

Lessons learned don't go back and plus I don't want to be like that other members on here who is just on the roundabout. We certainly won't be staying as friends just need to block her and I'm all set

fredwi · 14 Feb 2017 at 08:36

I will be still making use of her Netflix account though

malachi · 14 Feb 2017 at 08:44

fredwi said:
The back store is before Christmas she said that we was not going anywhere which was true we stopped talking for like a week then we met up and she said she would give it another go clue one is I never got anything for Christmas. The first few weeks we met up more done more stuff together then we stopped talking as much and she said that she was not bothered about valentines day so I asked her how she felt about us and she said that we are going no where.

Lessons learned don't go back and plus I don't want to be like that other members on here who is just on the roundabout. We certainly won't be staying as friends just need to block her and I'm all set

Yep, live life to move forwards not backwards.

JonnyT · 14 Feb 2017 at 13:31

Ended things with my girlfriend last week after almost 3 years. It hadn't been working or 'right' for a while, for me at least, and I felt any spark had gone. Been out with friends a couple of times since and realised how rusty and low on confidence I am, any advice?

Hades · 14 Feb 2017 at 13:40

JonnyT said:
Ended things with my girlfriend last week after almost 3 years. It hadn't been working or 'right' for a while, for me at least, and I felt any spark had gone. Been out with friends a couple of times since and realised how rusty and low on confidence I am, any advice?

Self improvement. Look at areas in your life you can improve (e.g. fitness). Grow other areas of your life (hobbies). Also take any opportunity you can to talk to other people (men and women) so chatting becomes second nature and talking to women becomes natural and less significant than it is at the moment.

krooton · 14 Feb 2017 at 13:40

JonnyT said:
Ended things with my girlfriend last week after almost 3 years. It hadn't been working or 'right' for a while, for me at least, and I felt any spark had gone. Been out with friends a couple of times since and realised how rusty and low on confidence I am, any advice?

Given it's just a week after a long term split (and it sounds like it was amicable), I wouldn't expect you to be ready for 'pulling' yet. I did couples counselling for a year before splitting up with my ex of 5 years, and still needed a 6 month break before I starting looking for new love.

ChrisD. · 14 Feb 2017 at 13:41

Read 'The Game'.

Honestly just dress well, go to the gym and talk to people. A lot of the hot girls you see out never get approached because most men automatically assume 'out of league' or 'boyfriend'.

krooton · 14 Feb 2017 at 13:44

ChrisD. said:
Read 'The Game'.

Don't do this.

DrToffnar · 14 Feb 2017 at 14:01

krooton said:
Don't do this.

I second this. Don't abide by any of that 'alpha beta' nonsense either. I'm an average looking fella carrying a little extra baggage and my lady friends an absolute stunner!

There's no nonsense psychology behind approaching women, though I'm sure many will claim certain 'tactics' have worked for them. All ladies are different and I've always felt that's important to understand, despite that being BLATANTLY obvious. Just be interested in what they have to say and don't be overly pushy or suggestive.

malachi · 14 Feb 2017 at 14:21

JonnyT said:
Ended things with my girlfriend last week after almost 3 years. It hadn't been working or 'right' for a while, for me at least, and I felt any spark had gone. Been out with friends a couple of times since and realised how rusty and low on confidence I am, any advice?

https://www.youtube.com/user/TrippAdvice

Been watching this guy videos for over 2 years. Big improvement in my life since then. I know what to do when I'm out and about when talking to women.

Vidar · 14 Feb 2017 at 15:52

ChrisD. said:
Read 'The Game'.

Honestly just dress well, go to the gym and talk to people. A lot of the hot girls you see out never get approached because most men automatically assume 'out of league' or 'boyfriend'.

krooton said:
Don't do this.

Actually, do read "The Game" I did and what I took from it is that manipulating women into pasty smashing is entirely hollow. When you meet the right woman you're compatible with she won't be impressed by cheap tricks. Yeah there are things to do to improve yourself, exercising, regular grooming etc etc and learning to be more confident are all good things but don't solely do it to pick up women.

KillBoY_UK · 14 Feb 2017 at 17:10

Ayahuasca said:
They are but it doesn't matter.

Step 1: Be attractive
Step 2: Don't be unattractive

If you're not good looking you're relying on other traits to form attraction like intelligence, status, humour or wealth. None of them outweigh being a 6ft 4 chiselled Chad though as right from the off you're attractive without the need to prove anything. It's life on easy mode and has been proven by various studies to help you in other areas than the opposite sex.

In my experience its

Step 1: Be rich and have a good/powerful job or position
Step 2: Don't be poor or being in a "uncool" job
Step 3: Be attractive
Step 4: Don't be unattractive

Lost count of how many lady's and female mates I've seen have dated or married rich fat/ugly morons

malachi · 14 Feb 2017 at 17:24

KillBoY_UK said:
In my experience its

Step 1: Be rich and have a good/powerful job or position
Step 2: Don't be poor or being in a "uncool" job
Step 3: Be attractive
Step 4: Don't be unattractive

Lost count of how many lady's and female mates I've seen have dated or married rich fat/ugly morons

If you don't have confidence then non of those matter.

Vidar · 14 Feb 2017 at 17:55

Mate, between leaving the psychotic ex and meeting my fiancee I slept with 27 different girls, this was achieved while suffering with depression, mostly unemployed due to my health, and barely being able to afford to eat. Some of you I'm sure can remember just how desperate I was.

It doesn't matter what you have or don't have, if you can fake confidence and put in the leg work you will bed women if thats what you want.

malachi · 14 Feb 2017 at 18:53

Yep, need to get up there and take action. Instead of sitting there waiting for things to happen, while other guys scoop the women up.

People who do nothing, get nothing.

Hades · 14 Feb 2017 at 19:00

Vidar said:
Yeah there are things to do to improve yourself, exercising, regular grooming etc etc and learning to be more confident are all good things but don't solely do it to pick up women.

Agreed. Build a great life for yourself. Improve yourself. Everything else will follow naturally.

Any person (man or woman) is more likely to be attracted to someone who is naturally confident, fit, dresses well, has a purpose in life, has direction and a potential to improve their life even further. People follow "winners". These are attractive qualities in any person. Yes there are some fundamental differences in what men and women look for. But if you get your own life in order first then you'll find other people naturally gravitate to you. Think about anyone in your life that you consider to be a leader. Are they quiet, nervous and worried what others think? No. They have the confidence to give their opinion without worry of what others think (within reason obviously).

For years I avoided self improvement books and blogs, thinking they were just for people who didn't have enough ability to improve themselves without help. But in recent years I've been on a programme of self improvement including watching and reading as much information about it as I can. It's had immeasurable improvements on my life.

Vidar · 14 Feb 2017 at 19:02

Hades said:
Agreed. Build a great life for yourself. Improve yourself. Everything else will follow naturally.

Any person (man or woman) is more likely to be attracted to someone who is naturally confident, fit, dresses well, has a purpose in life, has direction and a potential to improve their life even further. People follow "winners". These are attractive qualities in any person. Yes there are some fundamental differences in what men and women look for. But if you get your own life in order first then you'll find other people naturally gravitate to you. Think about anyone in your life that you consider to be a leader. Are they quiet, nervous and worried what others think? No. They have the confidence to give their opinion without worry of what others think (within reason obviously).

For years I avoided self improvement books and blogs, thinking they were just for people who didn't have enough ability to improve themselves without help. But in recent years I've been on a programme of self improvement including watching and reading as much information about it as I can. It's had immeasurable improvements on my life.

Could you recommend any material?

Hades · 14 Feb 2017 at 19:14

Vidar said:
Could you recommend any material?

I initially started watching youtube videos from Elliot Hulse when I wanted to lose weight and get fit (back in about 2014). There is no way I have the time and dedication get get his body but it was motivational to get down the gym (well, build my own gym). That led on to an interest in clothes and style (youtube again - realmenrealstyle, Alpha M, teachingmensfashion, Tanner Guzy). For emotional/well being improvements I follow actualized.org, TED and TEDX).

There is a great video from actualized.org about how to stop caring what others think of you. I think it's this one:
EDIT: There might be swearing in it so I've removed the direct link. But search for actualized.org How To Stop Caring What People Think Of You on youtube.

I can't really say any one video is a complete solution. But my approach is to just watch as much as I can from various sites. Some of it I agree with. Much I don't. But immersing yourself in it means that after a while it starts to rub off on you.

Roar87 · 14 Feb 2017 at 19:45

I'll never understand discouraging guys to spend time researching the best way to pick up women. I'm glad I did all those years ago. I've been in a relationship for a long time now but I still know exactly how female attraction works, what type of behaviour is off putting and what isn't. Why would a single guy not want to know why they can't get laid

413x · 14 Feb 2017 at 21:18

The gym helped me. It brought confidence, health and have new a tangible goal.

I also don't subscribe to the alpha beta stuff. Between my ex and my amazing gf I slept with 1 girl lol. I've never been a player. Never wanted to. Never been alpha. But confidence helps. And the gym did help more than anything. More than counselling, anti depressants etc etc

Personally, I went in a few dates when I was ready, but ended up with a new friend who I only met by putting myself into new social situations, which I only had the balls to do after getting more confidence and going '**** it'