The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
I know, I just wish she had said something earlier then we could have addressed it together. She is fixated on it being her problem though and not mine and thus nothing I could have done to change it. I disagree but there you go, I don't want to argue with her at this point.
In terms of sorting the house out, I really don't want to move back home or move elsewhere or go and rent. I've just done a quick tot up and can afford the mortgage payments and bills and still have 50% of salary left per month (exc food). iirc I fronted pretty much all of the deposit so am I right in thinking to "buy her out" i'd just need to pay her 50% of whatever mortgage payments have been paid thus far?
How would you split savings up? Would you do a straight 50/50 or go off a percentage split based on our incomes as we pooled 95% of both of our wages each month and took a set amount out for wedding savings?
How would you split savings up? Would you do a straight 50/50 or go off a percentage split based on our incomes as we pooled 95% of both of our wages each month and took a set amount out for wedding savings?
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R.O.S.S.I...., I have been through the EXACT same thing a few years ago. 12 years together, engaged, young son. Things were all good and happy as far as I was concerned - and out the blue one day like being hit by a truck I got hit with the "I don't feel the same way..." conversation. I also had (her exact words) the "its not you its me...". When I asked how long she felt like this she then came out with "a few years". I felt strung along, lied to... just absolutely shell shocked that we had been going about our daily lives for "years" with her feeling this way.
That was it. Same day we split, lost my best friend, and I have barely spoke to her since. We had to share a house for two months - living out of separate rooms while I found somewhere (that was torture....I would advise against it). I felt horrible for a few months but I slowly built back up my confidence and got myself settled again and took a few years to myself to go on holiday, plenty of nights out and just do whatever I wanted etc. When you look back in a few years you might just see it as shes done you a big favour.
That was it. Same day we split, lost my best friend, and I have barely spoke to her since. We had to share a house for two months - living out of separate rooms while I found somewhere (that was torture....I would advise against it). I felt horrible for a few months but I slowly built back up my confidence and got myself settled again and took a few years to myself to go on holiday, plenty of nights out and just do whatever I wanted etc. When you look back in a few years you might just see it as shes done you a big favour.
Soldato
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on a side note.
my decree absolute came through last week (dated 14th Feb). ive a new girlfriend, getting my life back together. i couldnt be happier although the ex is still being difficult when it comes to my son making out i dont care etc.
my decree absolute came through last week (dated 14th Feb). ive a new girlfriend, getting my life back together. i couldnt be happier although the ex is still being difficult when it comes to my son making out i dont care etc.
Available to pm if you want rossi. I'm sure many have been through similar.
Absolutely get her out of your life. Better to rip a plaster off fast than slow.
It'll hurt more at start but having a quasi relationship friend thing is never going to let you move on.
And yeah I thought it sounded dead. No doubt she's been battling with it a long time. People don't generally talk abo issues until its beyond solving.
It'll be hard going coming home to an empty house, all sorts of nasty dark things will probably go on in your mind. Least you have friends etc and hopefully family and hobbies? Especially hobbies you have on your own?
I think mine was dead a couple of years prior too.
Absolutely get her out of your life. Better to rip a plaster off fast than slow.
It'll hurt more at start but having a quasi relationship friend thing is never going to let you move on.
And yeah I thought it sounded dead. No doubt she's been battling with it a long time. People don't generally talk abo issues until its beyond solving.
It'll be hard going coming home to an empty house, all sorts of nasty dark things will probably go on in your mind. Least you have friends etc and hopefully family and hobbies? Especially hobbies you have on your own?
I think mine was dead a couple of years prior too.
Cheers mate, appreciate the offer.
Yeh I dont think that can work either, it has to be all or nothing really.
Hopefully she will be gone by the time I get home tonight but i don't want to keep WhatsApp'ing her seeing what she is doing if she is gone etc, i want contact to be as minimal as possible. I told her as we were going to sleep last night to take whatever you need from the house, all of her bits, any food etc and to go to her mums (today). If she is still there when I get home tonight not sure what I can do as I can't go back to my parents house really.
but your counseling ended up in your 5 year relationship ending anyway...
I agree. Once it's gone its gone
Solicitor asap mate, even for a fre consultation.
doesnt mean you're getting vindictive or anything but it's best you are fully advised and aware of the process.
it will not be long before her mum and friends tart whispering in her ear abiout how that house is rightfully hers.
Everyone said my ex would, she didn't.
She told me she wanted to move out but still be together, after we'd lived together for 5 years. I told her all or nothing, so she said she wants to move out so she did. The next weekend her and her mate came and took all her stuff while I was out on the beer with my mates. It was all amicable, I trusted her and still do.
Only you can make that call, I wouldn't listen to the internets on how she may or not behave because you know her more than most.
She told me she wanted to move out but still be together, after we'd lived together for 5 years. I told her all or nothing, so she said she wants to move out so she did. The next weekend her and her mate came and took all her stuff while I was out on the beer with my mates. It was all amicable, I trusted her and still do.
Only you can make that call, I wouldn't listen to the internets on how she may or not behave because you know her more than most.
like i say, nothing wrong with getting the advice before you're on the backfoot.
after al klisnt "he didnt seem the type" or "he was a quiet man" the most common thing said after someone does something extreme?
Definitely be prepared. You thought she wouldn't break up. You just n never know. And it does no harm
You need to break all contact with her, forget the beta idea about friendship. The best way is to get another girl asap to get over your oneitis, use the pain to motivate yourself and any anxiety about approaching new girls will feel like nothing, you'll be surprised how easy it is once you get the ball rolling.
Soldato
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Really sorry to hear about your breakup R.O.S.S.I 
I remember splitting with my partner of nearly 9 years when it was me that didn't feel the same and that was hard enough
All you can do is try to keep yourself occupied and busy doing things you enjoy to try to keep your mind off things. It will get better in time.
I remember splitting with my partner of nearly 9 years when it was me that didn't feel the same and that was hard enough
All you can do is try to keep yourself occupied and busy doing things you enjoy to try to keep your mind off things. It will get better in time.
I'm just saying it how it is. Spark lost = I'm not attracted to you anymore. The reason for this generally is that you were a bit too soft, didn't make decisions, weren't very challenging and didn't really lead the relationship as a man should. It's kind of like how most men wouldn't be attracted to a masculine woman, we're attracted to femine women generally. Women are attracted to masculine men, when they don't have that there's just no attraction.
But at least we understood why, ended it amicably, and got closure. No "what ifs?", regrets, and unanswered questions.
The fact that actually trying to fix a relationship with someone you love is seen as a waste of time speaks volumes about modern society.