The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Orcish-Horde said:
If the second date with girl B goes well, end with A or just do A and no longer see B. Thing is, A sounds like she has an A/B/C and lots of D. It doesn't sound very exclusive with A and B will expect that with her.
Click to expand...

Girl A just doesnt seem the type to have lots of D. Thanks, i'll see how date 2 goes with girl B and carry on with A for the time being. If things progress with B I will let her know about A
 
Guest2 said:
Girl A just doesnt seem the type to have lots of D. Thanks, i'll see how date 2 goes with girl B and carry on with A for the time being. If things progress with B I will let her know about A
Click to expand...

As long as you're not misleading or lying to A or B about what you're doing, then everyone can decide if they want to be involved or not, until such a time as things change and you decide to be exclusive. Right now it's all fun and casual, and as long as you don't allow people to think otherwise (until things change) then no one has any reason to be unhappy if they want to get physical.
 
If things progress with girl B quickly, at what point before sex do i mention girl A? It seems daft to bring it up when she is on the way to my place or the 2nd date when neither of us have spoken about who we are dating or seeing

I do want to be honest but at the same time the last girl I was dating she made me agree to be exclusive after 1 date, then proceeded to go on 5 more dates with me over 3 months and didn't even want sex (did other stuff, just no sex)

Is it just the western world that believes its ok for sex / marriage with 1 woman at a time only? Different religions and other parts of the world some guys have 7 wives/women. I know a friend of mine at uni was sleeping with 4 girls all at the same time (not in one session) The 4 girls were all close friends and think they must have guessed something.
 
Guest2 said:
If things progress with girl B quickly, at what point before sex do i mention girl A? It seems daft to bring it up when she is on the way to my place or the 2nd date when neither of us have spoken about who we are dating or seeing

I do want to be honest but at the same time the last girl I was dating she made me agree to be exclusive after 1 date, then proceeded to go on 5 more dates with me over 3 months and didn't even want sex (did other stuff, just no sex)

Is it just the western world that believes its ok for sex / marriage with 1 woman at a time only? Different religions and other parts of the world some guys have 7 wives/women. I know a friend of mine at uni was sleeping with 4 girls all at the same time (not in one session) The 4 girls were all close friends and think they must have guessed something.
Click to expand...

How about just focussing on the one you like most?
 
Personally a friends with benefits situation is good right up until you feel you want to become serious with someone else and be exclusive with them. If you want to be exclusive with someone you don't tell them about you friends with benefits situation, that's going to just cheapen the whole experience for her, especially if you want a future with that person.

I wouldn't expect a new exclusive relationship to start with me being told they've been having a right old jolly with some other guy, I'd think of them differently even though that there's nothing wrong with doing that.

I'd say nothing, you're doing nothing wrong unless you're sleeping with both and either or both are thinking it's exclusive.
 
Guest2 said:
Is it just the western world that believes its ok for sex / marriage with 1 woman at a time only? Different religions and other parts of the world some guys have 7 wives/women.
Click to expand...

You mean ones where women are seen as little more than commodities/bartering tools? :p

Do you know many religions/culture when a woman can have multiple husbands? Do you ever wonder why? ;)
 
Ok to maintain honour and respectability you don't need to tell girl b about girl a.

When you have the exclusive chat that's when it's time to put her on the back burner. (Girl a)

By that point hopefully you will know which one you like better.

By whatever you do...do not tell girl b specifically about girl a. If you have to say anything say you've been on a couple random dates.

Don't let doubt creep into her mind.
 
Guest2 said:
Is it just the western world that believes its ok for sex / marriage with 1 woman at a time only? Different religions and other parts of the world some guys have 7 wives/women. I know a friend of mine at uni was sleeping with 4 girls all at the same time (not in one session) The 4 girls were all close friends and think they must have guessed something.
Click to expand...

Can't speak for the rest of the world but I figure on basic thought that people the world over are not much different. Its not that people believe or think it is OK, it is that some people will have sex with anyone they like and can. Most people believe in exclusive relationships as relationships to them are more than just sex. If the person you are in a relationship with is sleeping around, you run the risk of harm to your sexual health or end up with children that are not of the relationship and the relationship ending as they have decided to end with you for another party. For exsample, you go with B and very quickly you and B start trying for a family. Unknown to you A is pregnant and B has just told you that she is and in 3 months time A is going to dump your new born on you. At your first scan, you get word that B has an STI, the same STI that has harmed A's baby which she is going to dump on you. You see A had looked after her sexual health and you were the only one she had sex with after last getting tested after being cheated on and she was all clear. Not saying this will happen to you but these things do happen. Its why people much value on exclusive relationships. Remember its not just men that can and do sleep around.
 
I'd say you probably like one more than the othwe. If you feel the exclusivity talk coming then ditch the other.
Nothing wrong at this stage but as said by previous poster don't think I'd like it of a girl I was really wanted to date was sleeping il with other guys. Wouldn't be wro, just wouldn't like it.
 
Sorry but I've got a much less interesting dilemma.

Basically my kids are 8 and 6 and they treat their mum like dirt. They talk to her like something off their shoe. I don't know where this has come from (my suspicion is from school) but I only have to lower the tone of my voice and the kids know that they've crossed a line and to behave.

For my wife they will play up and play up, tell her to shut up and often times I will come home from work to a full scale riot. To top matters off my wife is unwell, she is losing her eyesight and suffers from M.E.

I've told her to toughen up around the kids and have some bite to go with her bark but I think that when I'm not there that she doesn't follow through with her threats (confiscation of toys/tablets, sent to bed etc).

It's just frustrating, I work in construction with some utter morons so I come home exhausted and have to play UN peace keeper. We are both at our wit's end, if she goes out the kids are great, no problem, do their teeth themselves, do their homework, eat all their dinner etc. As soon as mum is around it completely changes.
 
TallPaul1878 said:
Sorry but I've got a much less interesting dilemma.

Basically my kids are 8 and 6 and they treat their mum like dirt. They talk to her like something off their shoe. I don't know where this has come from (my suspicion is from school) but I only have to lower the tone of my voice and the kids know that they've crossed a line and to behave.

For my wife they will play up and play up, tell her to shut up and often times I will come home from work to a full scale riot. To top matters off my wife is unwell, she is losing her eyesight and suffers from M.E.

I've told her to toughen up around the kids and have some bite to go with her bark but I think that when I'm not there that she doesn't follow through with her threats (confiscation of toys/tablets, sent to bed etc).

It's just frustrating, I work in construction with some utter morons so I come home exhausted and have to play UN peace keeper. We are both at our wit's end, if she goes out the kids are great, no problem, do their teeth themselves, do their homework, eat all their dinner etc. As soon as mum is around it completely changes.
Click to expand...

Why can't you punish your kids for behaving like little ***** to their Mum? You can send them to bed and confiscate their toys can't you?
 
Steampunk said:
Why can't you punish your kids for behaving like little ***** to their Mum? You can send them to bed and confiscate their toys can't you?
Click to expand...
Funny you should bring this up. I've just done exactly that in the last few minutes. My daughter was rude to her mum so I sent her to bed. She refused to go so I took her iPad away for the night until she went. She was then rude to me. So I told her if she was rude to either of us again then it would be taken away for a week...... She quietly went to bed.
 
TallPaul1878 said:
Sorry but I've got a much less interesting dilemma.

Basically my kids are 8 and 6 and they treat their mum like dirt. They talk to her like something off their shoe. I don't know where this has come from (my suspicion is from school) but I only have to lower the tone of my voice and the kids know that they've crossed a line and to behave.

For my wife they will play up and play up, tell her to shut up and often times I will come home from work to a full scale riot. To top matters off my wife is unwell, she is losing her eyesight and suffers from M.E.

I've told her to toughen up around the kids and have some bite to go with her bark but I think that when I'm not there that she doesn't follow through with her threats (confiscation of toys/tablets, sent to bed etc).

It's just frustrating, I work in construction with some utter morons so I come home exhausted and have to play UN peace keeper. We are both at our wit's end, if she goes out the kids are great, no problem, do their teeth themselves, do their homework, eat all their dinner etc. As soon as mum is around it completely changes.
Click to expand...

Your children are at the age were they start to challenge, it sound like they know they can play up with their mum. They know she is soft and there will be no punishment, also sounds like they are bored. Are they able to play outside with friends? That can help defuse a conflict between mum and children, its also good for punishment. Ground the little buggers or go out and play it sunny. Its a hard one with your wife being ill but it could also just be the nature of your children. They don't stay little 2 and 4 years olds forever. My four year old has a mouth like the gutter and loves to hit, her mum took great joy in having her say bad words when younger. Calling daddy an a##hole was her party trick, now she crying that she can't coup with her as she hits and threatens. In all truth she is just an ineffective parent, with your wife being ill it is likely that she in ineffective parent. Have you thought about giving up work to care for the children and your wife? Its a hard one to deal with and there may be no answer, it could just be their nature.
 
.perhaps increased of taking it away for short times when they are bad (and this get caught)

take it away now for good and tell them they can have it back when they earn it back by behaving properly.

something to work towards may be more effective than something to avoid

like say you get caught speeding all that happens is we get annoyed at the officer we don't really think "oh yeah speeding is bad" or wr wouldnt have done it.

but my bike I appreciate that a lot as I had to earn it.
 
TallPaul1878 said:
Yes I have thought about giving up work but I have a mortgage and I don't know what would happen to the house. People who care for sick partners or relatives are on the poverty line
Click to expand...
Your morgage or at lest the interest on it would be payed, your wife would get DLA(what ever its called now). You, carers allowence and the children child tax tredits and child benefit. You would not be on the poverty line, but that would depend on your wife getting disablity benefits. Take a few years out of work till the children are a little older and more help than hinderence. I would always put family before work and money, you can always get more work and money once the family side of things are sorted. When your wife's sight is gone you will have to make real life choices that are likely going to mean you leave work to care for the children and her.
 
malachi said:
If that was me, I would have got a joy good hiding.
Click to expand...
In a family court that would mean a box of tissues and no contact with your children, these days you need to tread carefully. It was never that effective in dealing with children than people make out, understand what is up with the child and taking away things they value is more effective. A long with them understand the effect of their behavour on others is having and the the effect(punishment) on themselfs. Giving a child a good hiding because it bored out of its mind and playing up is an example of bad parenting.
 
Not been in this thread for a while, but thought I'd come in to get some stuff off my chest.

I've been seeing a girl for about 3 months, I can only really see her at weekends as I work away during the week and come back to my parents at weekends to see them, friends, my dog etc. anyway, for the time I've been seeing her I've just been going with it, expecting some sort of a spark to flourish as she's basically the female equivalent to me (Loves festivals, Nintendo stuff, Music). But after 3 months I decided to let her down last night, as nothing was happening. I often got the thought she was just agreeing with everything I liked and everytime we made plans it was always me that had to think of something which became too boring. This just gave me the impression I wasn't too into her so it ended badly last night.

logged back into the dating platform and just browsing at the moment. noticed a missed message from 2 months ago and sent a reply as she seemed lovely, but I'm just in the zone of casual dating at the moment. I feel as if I'm rushing things, so I want someone to just see without the pressure of getting into any form of a relationship, as I had a pretty horiffic experience with someone last year which I feel is just giving me some sort of a commitment problem.

I've forgotten how much I enjoy meeting new people, which is kinda making me slow down. through age or experience, I feel a bit wiser when it comes to any sort of love life.
 
Yeh, dating is fun :)
I was always nervous but not sure why.

Slightly different relationship query -

On the NHS website it says the average time for a man to 'finish' is 5 and a half minutes. This to me seems very quick - The last girl I was seeing it would last over an hour and sometimes i wouldn't finish at all.
The girl im seeing now im done in 10 minutes or so, very quick in my opinion.

Does 5 minutes seem very 'early' to everyone?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom