The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Haha, no, it went alright.
She was very nice, laid back. I get the feeling she was 'being nice to the new guy'
She was intimidatingly confident in herself, and I'm usually very outgoing, but this is an unfamiliar space to be outgoing in and I'm second guessing everything I said haha.
 
GiraffePencils said:
Haha, no, it went alright.
She was very nice, laid back. I get the feeling she was 'being nice to the new guy'
She was intimidatingly confident in herself, and I'm usually very outgoing, but this is an unfamiliar space to be outgoing in and I'm second guessing everything I said haha.
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Not a bad first go. It's a weird thing and if you're new take a while to find your feet.
 
I swear I'm far more flirtatious in casual conversation, than I was with someone who might have been interested.
And that's probably why I wasn't.

Well we got talking about Brazilian Jiu-jitsu, saying she'd always wanted to go and I've invited her along on Sunday to our open class..... who knows :P
 
I'd be careful inviting dates to something you enjoy. Don't jump in feet first incase it goes wrong or she doesnt suit. I've been bitten once before with online dating and having a stalker. Drip feed your personal life into theirs once you know them a bit more.
 
Gotta open your minds guys, you might miss something beautiful ;)

That's a good point about stalker people, tbh she seemed from what she told me as a really flakey person, lots of activities she started/wanted to do and then stopped etc. So I've got reservations as to whether she'd come
 
On the subject of Tinder and stalkers - I once matched with a girl in October 2017 and exchanged numbers, when we were arranging a date via WhatsApp I got the "she's actually a bit crazy" vibe so called it off. This is a girl I've never dated, never met face to face but merely spoken to on WhatsApp.

I last heard from her in September of 2019 (and hear from her pretty much monthly) saying "I'm still thinking about you every day." I've not blocked her, or responded in close to 2 years, as my friends find the messages I receive quite entertaining.
 
Is it still true that it is pretty non-existant in the UK for dads to be granted custody or primary carer of their children?

I'm facing a situation where the mother wants to leave and take the kids out of school and move to the other end of the country, to say the least im not happy.

legal advice that ive had seems to be a bit vague but essential stacked in the mothers favour regardless...
 
PermaChanged said:
On the subject of Tinder and stalkers - I once matched with a girl in October 2017 and exchanged numbers, when we were arranging a date via WhatsApp I got the "she's actually a bit crazy" vibe so called it off. This is a girl I've never dated, never met face to face but merely spoken to on WhatsApp.

I last heard from her in September of 2019 (and hear from her pretty much monthly) saying "I'm still thinking about you every day." I've not blocked her, or responded in close to 2 years, as my friends find the messages I receive quite entertaining.
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It's all fun and games till you come home one day to find your pet rabbit in the saucepan!
 
Are we using this thread for Internet dating?

Recently split with GF after 4 and a half years. Had a quick sniff around Tinder and PoF (met GF on PoF) and pickings are slim.
 
EddScott said:
Are we using this thread for Internet dating?

Recently split with GF after 4 and a half years. Had a quick sniff around Tinder and PoF (met GF on PoF) and pickings are slim.
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Saturated market now with dating apps.

You have to get out there back on the field for better success.
 
Electroshadow said:
Is it still true that it is pretty non-existant in the UK for dads to be granted custody or primary carer of their children?

I'm facing a situation where the mother wants to leave and take the kids out of school and move to the other end of the country, to say the least im not happy.

legal advice that ive had seems to be a bit vague but essential stacked in the mothers favour regardless...
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I'd be surprised if there isn't a limit on how far she can move away. At least in Australia the family court limits that to 1.5 hours by car travel - the law being that children have the superior right to a relationship with both their mother and father. And equal time with each parent, barring serious complications. Also, depending on the age of the kids, the decision sometimes requires (as in my case) that the kids not be removed from their current school to maintain stability. I'm one of the few fathers (about 15% of cases) that got granted primary carer status.

e: It can be very useful to have your solicitor to arrange that both you and the mother agree to an independent interview and report process with a family court psychologist, each at separate times with the kids in attendance. The purpose is to assess the kids bonding and relationship with each parent (eg. while doing a given cooperative activity / game) and thus how emotionally and developmentally disrupted they may become if they are prevented from having that parents care. As part of the process, each parent usually fills out a test which scans for major psychopathology (and lying answers).

e2: Btw it is very common for women to (falsely) imagine they can up and leave and take the kids as far away as they please without being stopped by the law, or having the kids forcibly returned by the law. Mine threatened to take them out of the country. That was prevented by my family law lawyer contacting the federal police and getting a border stop placed on their passports. Get a female family law lawyer - they are suitably fierce and know how to block
'tricks' that can appear to your detriment. Including getting such things as injunctions / interim court orders to prevent the kids being moved far away. Doing so can reduce your stress considerably. The law is not always an ass.
 
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So I'm back on the single pile after 4 and a bit years. She has kids and felt like she didn't have the time to give me the relationship I wanted/deserved (although I half expect there was more to it...).
We'd split 3-4 times before over the years but she'd always messaged me after a few days and said she regretted it...not this time.
I think it may be best to leave it as I had been having doubts about the longevity of it for at least the last few months. She was almost 10 years older than me and I did at times think I was maybe missing opportunities to meet someone that would be a better fit for my life.
Went for a few drinks at the weekend and a friend's GF suggested introducing me to her friend who is quite a bit younger than me, so will see how that goes. Also re-ignited tinder, got one match so far but again think I could probably do better IRL, she also unmatched me within around 10 minutes so I'm really seeing the power balance thing in action online!
Going to take a few months out (assuming the friend connection doesn't pan out), try to get in better shape and get back in touch with friends more socially then take it from there.

Feels good to get that off my chest :D
 
TrojanWhore said:
So I'm back on the single pile after 4 and a bit years. She has kids and felt like she didn't have the time to give me the relationship I wanted/deserved (although I half expect there was more to it...).
We'd split 3-4 times before over the years but she'd always messaged me after a few days and said she regretted it...not this time.
I think it may be best to leave it as I had been having doubts about the longevity of it for at least the last few months. She was almost 10 years older than me and I did at times think I was maybe missing opportunities to meet someone that would be a better fit for my life.
Went for a few drinks at the weekend and a friend's GF suggested introducing me to her friend who is quite a bit younger than me, so will see how that goes. Also re-ignited tinder, got one match so far but again think I could probably do better IRL, she also unmatched me within around 10 minutes so I'm really seeing the power balance thing in action online!
Going to take a few months out (assuming the friend connection doesn't pan out), try to get in better shape and get back in touch with friends more socially then take it from there.

Feels good to get that off my chest :D
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3-4 times?
Hate to say it but that's a massive flag.

Good to vent. Get joining some clubs and stuff like that. Real life meets are better
 
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