The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

TrojanWhore · 29 Oct 2019 at 13:36

413x said:
3-4 times?
Hate to say it but that's a massive flag.

Good to vent. Get joining some clubs and stuff like that. Real life meets are better

IKR?! I said to her after the last one that regardless of how I felt about us, I wouldn't go back again as it was messing me around too much, been all good since. Just gotta follow through on it now!

Yeah I need to find something to get me out of my flat now, between moving in to my own place, trying to see her whenever I could and some friend group disintegration last year I've barely been out since Christmas, definitely need to do something about that!

Vidar · 29 Oct 2019 at 13:58

Electroshadow said:
Is it still true that it is pretty non-existant in the UK for dads to be granted custody or primary carer of their children?

I'm facing a situation where the mother wants to leave and take the kids out of school and move to the other end of the country, to say the least im not happy.

legal advice that ive had seems to be a bit vague but essential stacked in the mothers favour regardless...

As someone who's been through this particular mill it is heavily skewed in favour of the mother... however my ex tried this nonsense about moving away and the courts sided with me. She can only move around the immediate area and has to keep me and the court informed.

ChrisD. · 29 Oct 2019 at 14:25

I've asked a girl out on Bumble and she's suggested tonight as she's free, not sure I can be bothered, I've got COD MW to play.

GiraffePencils · 29 Oct 2019 at 14:45

Within 6 hours of tinder I had a date that day
GO FOR IT

Jonnybmac · 6 Nov 2019 at 18:56

So a girl at work who started around 3 months ago and I'd consider an 8/10, who I don't work directly with but she works next to another colleague I visit often. Whenever I'm there she always takes her headphones out, smiles at me or acts quite shy. Weve had a few informal conversations and we've spoke through skype business using emoji chats with what I would consider the very borderline of a professional conversation with regards to how formal the flow was.

She added me on LinkedIn recently and there is a works night out coming up that she got cc'd into the email today about times and location. I've had a notification tonight that she has viewed my profile.

I may be reading signs totally wrong but I also may not be. I'm half tempted to open up a convo with her jokingly asking if she's stalking me and ask about her going out saturday, but not sure if that would make her feel awkward or not? Worst case I could totally be reading things wrong here.

The other part is because we work together, I feel it is a big no no, but being an 8/10 I'm feeling it's worth a punt. I honestly don't think we are really compatible and don't think we would ever work but it's still quite tempting. Not sure if to resist or yolo and drop her a message. I've been told shes only in the business temporary too.

Would you message a work colleague?

breathe3asy · 6 Nov 2019 at 18:59

100% yolo, why do you say you're not compatible? It was all sounding so good.

Also just see how the night goes, if she's sending vibes then go with it, if not play it cool and tread carefully because you know, its your workplace

Jonnybmac · 6 Nov 2019 at 19:03

She's a few years younger than me and from what we've discussed she calls herself a sambuca girl. I'm not really much of a drinker to be honest - I would rather spend a sunday out walking than a saturday drinking. Being honest I'm only really attending this night out cause I think she might be going as I was indecisive about going since it's a 40 min drive from where I live and I'll need to either get an expensive taxi home or a hotel

Mason- · 6 Nov 2019 at 19:04

Jonnybmac said:
So a girl at work who started around 3 months ago and I'd consider an 8/10, who I don't work directly with but she works next to another colleague I visit often. Whenever I'm there she always takes her headphones out, smiles at me or acts quite shy. Weve had a few informal conversations and we've spoke through skype business using emoji chats with what I would consider the very borderline of a professional conversation with regards to how formal the flow was.

She added me on LinkedIn recently and there is a works night out coming up that she got cc'd into the email today about times and location. I've had a notification tonight that she has viewed my profile.

I may be reading signs totally wrong but I also may not be. I'm half tempted to open up a convo with her jokingly asking if she's stalking me and ask about her going out saturday, but not sure if that would make her feel awkward or not? Worst case I could totally be reading things wrong here.

The other part is because we work together, I feel it is a big no no, but being an 8/10 I'm feeling it's worth a punt. I honestly don't think we are really compatible and don't think we would ever work but it's still quite tempting. Not sure if to resist or yolo and drop her a message. I've been told shes only in the business temporary too.

Would you message a work colleague?

Why bother with the potential awkward 'are you stalking me' line. Just start casually chatting to her on the Saturday instead. Seems like the perfect opportunity to see if it can go somewhere. Also casually chatting on a works drink can never be construed as awkward, it's the whole point.

Also if you have a kitchen or something where you might bump into her, just strike up a conversation and see how it goes. "How are you settling in now?" "Are you coming to drinks Saturday?" To me, they're way better than the stalker line.

breathe3asy · 6 Nov 2019 at 19:07

Jonnybmac said:
She's a few years younger than me and from what we've discussed she calls herself a sambuca girl. I'm not really much of a drinker to be honest - I would rather spend a sunday out walking than a saturday drinking. Being honest I'm only really attending this night out cause I think she might be going as I was indecisive about going since it's a 40 min drive from where I live and I'll need to either get an expensive taxi home or a hotel

How much of a gap are we talking? I mean, younger girls are usually an attraction unless you are talking crazy numbers

Jonnybmac · 6 Nov 2019 at 19:10

Mason- said:
Why bother with the potential awkward 'are you stalking me' line. Just start casually chatting to her on the Saturday instead. Seems like the perfect opportunity to see if it can go somewhere. Also casually chatting on a works drink can never be construed as awkward, it's the whole point.

Also if you have a kitchen or something where you might bump into her, just strike up a conversation and see how it goes. "How are you settling in now?" "Are you coming to drinks Saturday?" To me, they're way better than the stalker line.

Some wise points made - just when I was about to push the button listening to ceaton haha

ceaton88 said:
How much of a gap are we talking? I mean, younger girls are usually an attraction unless you are talking crazy numbers

I'm 32 and she's 22 lol.

breathe3asy · 6 Nov 2019 at 19:16

Without knowing what you both look like its difficult to be prejudice against age gaps. I say keep your options open

Jonnybmac · 6 Nov 2019 at 19:24

ceaton88 said:
Without knowing what you both look like its difficult to be prejudice against age gaps. I say keep your options open

She looks very much like Meghan Markle I would say. I would consider myself average at best lol. Just going to wait and see what Saturday brings- possibly bing it up tomorrow with her face to face to see if she's going. If I message I'll have to spend the rest of the week backing it up and potentially through work which I really don't want to do and would be potentially awkward

LuckyBenski · 6 Nov 2019 at 19:33

Honestly just see how it goes. That would be safer than potentially making a move and her not being interested - which in this context is the difference between "shot down at the bar" and "unwanted advances in the workplace". You have the chance to just give it time then a situation that allows for more. Especially considering you aren't sure about long term prospects, keeping it away from planning and (work-hosted!) chat history is sensible.

That sounds sneaky but it's the truth, just see how things pan out.

ChrisD. · 7 Nov 2019 at 09:15

I wouldn't bother with someone I work with, that can end up all kinds of awkward.

Roar87 · 7 Nov 2019 at 11:34

Yes attend the night out, make efforts to speak to her and be friendly, maintain eye contact with her and smile, see what types of vibes you're getting from her. If she's interested, smiles, makes an effort to speak to you, isn't disinterested and generally goes along with what you say she probably likes you. For the love of god don't ask her if she's been stalking you because the actual thought of you saying that is making me cringe

GiraffePencils · 7 Nov 2019 at 11:59

So, coming out of a ~10year relationship. How do you know if you like someone or your just latching to the first person who's shown you affection? haha

ci_newman · 7 Nov 2019 at 12:01

GiraffePencils said:
So, coming out of a ~10year relationship. How do you know if you like someone or your just latching to the first person who's shown you affection? haha

Why do those things need to be mutually exclusive?

You've been hurt, so it's expected that you'd be apprehensive. But do you get excited when you receive messages from them, are you looking forward to seeing them / going on dates etc?

Or are they just someone to talk to?

GiraffePencils · 7 Nov 2019 at 13:27

I'm just a bit wary to throw myself into a relationship, that might be ill-fitting.

I really enjoy talking with her, we have an unbelievable amount in common, been talking every day since we matched (tinder)
First date was really relaxed and we just seemed so be really comfortable around each other

Roar87 · 7 Nov 2019 at 13:37

It's okay, there's no commitment, if things don't work out you haven't bought a house together or got married, you can both just move on.

ci_newman · 7 Nov 2019 at 13:52

GiraffePencils said:
I'm just a bit wary to throw myself into a relationship, that might be ill-fitting.

I really enjoy talking with her, we have an unbelievable amount in common, been talking every day since we matched (tinder)
First date was really relaxed and we just seemed so be really comfortable around each other

Roar87 said:
It's okay, there's no commitment, if things don't work out you haven't bought a house together or got married, you can both just move on.

Exactly, you aren't proposing to her, you're just having coffee

See where it goes, you aren't making a commitment at this stage.

She might not be "the one" either but there's no reason you can't enjoy each others company while you figure it out.