Do you really have a relationship where you work out things to such a granular level?
Selfishness
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Caporegime
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You make it sound like it was difficult to work out 
She pays for a few things and I pay the rest...
She pays for a few things and I pay the rest...
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Soldato
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Yeah wtf!! Ours go into a joint account, everything is paid from it, we both have the same spending money. I wouldn't want her to be living a different lifestyle because she earns less money than me!
Also, that just sounds incredibly complicated.
Been with my wife for 15 years almost and we do it in a similar way. We do have a joint account but dont really use it. We split the bills and control our own money.
It works for us so that is what we do.
Caporegime
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It's not complicated at all.
When she gets paid her wages, she pays me the same amount every month (£450)
All the bills come out of my account.
When we go shopping for food, I always pay for it and she pays me half with a bank transfer.
The rest of the money that she's earned, is hers to do as she pleases with....
When she gets paid her wages, she pays me the same amount every month (£450)
All the bills come out of my account.
When we go shopping for food, I always pay for it and she pays me half with a bank transfer.
The rest of the money that she's earned, is hers to do as she pleases with....
Soldato
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Nailed it. How could anyone have excess cash to spend on things like PCs, motor bikes, nights out with the lads... And the wife gets to sit and watch because she works minimum wage, so all out of funds.
You could argue that's a form of abuse. The same man would probably think he was entitled to the house upon divorce, because he pays the bills etc.
When I moved in with my ex about 9 years ago I was on pretty much minimum wage, she was on a bit more - not a lot but enough that she could afford a few luxuries that I couldn't, I didn't feel entitled to part of her wage (I've since got promotions at work and earn more than she does). Obviously it's a different situation if the wife has made career sacrifices in order to raise a child, but otherwise I don't really see why one partner should massively subsidise another. Is the low earning partner making efforts to progress in her career, or is she just chilling in a relatively easy job when she's capable of more because her partner is effectively bumping her wage up each month? I know a few women who's children have grown up yet they're still working the same part time hours they took on when they were young, or they've simply not bothered to try and get a promotion at work because why bother?
On the flip side it forces those (man or woman) on minimum wage to do something about it if they want nicer things.
Personally i like spending money (holidays, gifts etc.) on my girlfriend.
That said, she’s also working hard with her career so she will have a better salary (and can buy nice things herself and for me) in years to come.
I couldn’t be with someone who was happy plodding along on minimum wage / low paid job. There needs to be a reasonable match of personality and salary. Guess its fine if both parties are on an equal wage, be it low or high
Soldato
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Yea, to be fair kids do change things. I also think some see themselves as a partnership whereas others consider themselves as individuals?
How would you view things if your wife made 3 or 4 times your salary and socialised with her friends regularly, while you didn't have enough left over to socialise in the same way with your friends? I'm not framing that as a rhetorical question, I'm genuinely interested in how you view that. Personally, I would feel marginalised and, dare I say it, unequal/inadequate.
I wouldn't put myself in a situation where I was unable to go out and see my friends because of my living expenses, but I don't think a reasonable partner would leave you sat inside bored if they've got ample money spare either. I did encounter situations where I'd just not have money to do certain things, or would rather not spend that money, where as my ex didn't mind so much because she had more. I sucked it up and got a better job. It's not like you can't do anything on a lower wage as long as you aren't living above your means.
For me it's more about splitting the essentials fairly, if after that one partner has more money and pays for more of the luxuries then that's up to them as it's their money to spend on whatever they like.
There's also talk from men on here about women earning less than men, and this is proof that companies are sexist, but if they're subsidising their wives earnings - and I bet this happens a lot - why would women chase those high paying stressful jobs rather than just work part time in an easy going job?
Soldato
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My wife just happens to earn less than me. We don't work for the same company, she didn't pursue a career path that would necessarily net her more income. I'm sure she'd like to earn more money, but the job has to be worth it.
I'd be very uncomfortable if I were better off than her, though. We're a partnership. The reality is, she is often better off than me because she's much more frugal than I am, but we had exactly the same opportunity at the beginning at least. Along the same lines, I got a decent bonus at Christmas. I paid off both of our credit cards with it - not just mine.
I'd be very uncomfortable if I were better off than her, though. We're a partnership. The reality is, she is often better off than me because she's much more frugal than I am, but we had exactly the same opportunity at the beginning at least. Along the same lines, I got a decent bonus at Christmas. I paid off both of our credit cards with it - not just mine.
Soldato
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Interesting points in your post there, I've quoted one section I would like to expand on briefly.
I wouldn't say it's proof of companies being sexist per se, it could well be that they just have completely different jobs with a big pay discrepancy? I think your approach can work with 2 salaries that are similar, but the bigger the gap then the harder it would be to keep things amicable, IMO.
Anyway, interesting conversation for sure. I'll step out and observe replies as I'm sure others have various opinions on how they manage things.
Not going to happen, but she’s a little hottie and id say i was punching. Fair play to me i guess
If you don't pay equally for everything then no, it doesn't sound selfish at all.
I'm fortunate that from the first date the Mrs has split everything with me. I wouldn't be paying for everything Tbh, even if there was an income disparity.
I don't get balancing what you pay for against income, unless one of you can't physically afford it is unable to work. If you're paid more you likely; work more hours, stay later, have a harder job, require more expertise for which you've made sacrifices, have more demands, are under more stress etc
I wouldn't ask mates at a meal to pay more because they earn more, so I certainly wouldn't do that to someone I respect above all others.
Different strokes I suppose.
I'm fortunate that from the first date the Mrs has split everything with me. I wouldn't be paying for everything Tbh, even if there was an income disparity.
I don't get balancing what you pay for against income, unless one of you can't physically afford it is unable to work. If you're paid more you likely; work more hours, stay later, have a harder job, require more expertise for which you've made sacrifices, have more demands, are under more stress etc
I wouldn't ask mates at a meal to pay more because they earn more, so I certainly wouldn't do that to someone I respect above all others.
Different strokes I suppose.
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