Sorry to hear about your aunt, one of the things I remember about my mum's wheelchair was how we had to remove the bottom 50cm or so of the lips on the door frames, the wheelchair would catch them at times otherwise, and the amount of repair work needed to fix dings and gauged plaster from doing things like turning the chair to get it into the living room from the hall.
I dread to think how much worse it would be in some of the new builds, which whilst meeting building regs that theoretically take into account disabilities, do so with not a millimetre to spare, so the door is standard width, but the hall is no wider than needed for the doorway meaning there is no room to turn a wheelchair, whilst the door isn't wide enough for a self propelled one to go through easily
My Aunt also had to have the majority of walls cut away into arches making it easier to manoeuvre. Practically the whole house was redone internally, except upstairs as she was limited with the space and floors.
It has been a heck of a past decade that just seems to keep pilling up of death. First it was my one of my Uncle's that passed away to diabetes and obesity in 2010, then it was another Uncle who passed away to Cancer in 2012. Then it was his wife, my Mother's sister who also died to Cancer in 2013. Then it was my Gran that died of natural causes in 2014 at the age of 90. Hadn't seen her since the mid 90s. Then it was 2016 when my other Aunt who died to Cancer. Then it was I think back end of 2018, my Father's brother also died to Cancer which was the ongoing effects of him losing the will to live when his wife died in 2016.
Then it was my father who took not well Christmas 2018/January 2019 when he collapsed in the bathroom and 999 was called which he was in a pretty bad shape. Luckily he survived but with severe medical complications that has been ongoing. Things looked to be easing for a while until August 2021 when my Mother's brother died from Cancer and a heart attack. Then it was my Mother that collapsed and died February 2nd 2022 late at night. The ambulance was just 5 minutes too late, which is no fault I hold against them. They did all they could. It was a good 20 minutes working with her but you could see, it's not going to happen. It ended up it was a blood clot. Then it was my other Aunt to my Uncle that died in August 2021 with the wheelchair that died April this year to also Cancer. I think she also was losing the will to live because she had full dependancy on her husband for helping her with everything.
Then when the Queen died on September 8th. It was like 50 trucks kept hitting you. All the great Christmas memories that you had with your Aunts and Uncles over for Christmas and to theirs being watched getting destroyed. All the Queen's speeches through the late 80s, all of the 90s and most of the 2000s as she spoke at 3pm just after her speech. As then everyone all got around the table into the Christmas feasting. That's when it really hit home what you've lost.
It's the same when you keep seeing more deaths of actors and musicians. People you've grew up with through their movies as in the aspect of creating memories with your families. Films and music you've watched and listened with them to the same gifts from Christmas. This is where all the bond in relation to gifts has come from to films you've watched with relatives and family during decades of Christmases. Music you went to sleep with and woke up to going to School, College and University that all relate to memories and the bonds to loved ones. Sometimes it's hard letting go because the memories and great memories are so powerful of that bond.
Things in the past were only memories. Nothing more. Just dates and times. Now they seem to feel even stronger with a meaning when they were alive. When you were with them. From baby, child, teenager and to adult.
Then it didn't end there, just Friday there my Father took not well, chest paints, feeling queasy, tingliness moving up and down his arms. Had to phone 999, they were obviously short of ambulances as one of the ambulance cars was sent up. Great guy though, ex-Police Officer. He done all the tests checking everything that was possible but he still wanted my Father down to the hospital to make sure. I drove him down to A&E with the Medical car behind me, as he said, if there were any issues with my Father to hit the hazard lights, pull over quickly and he would take it from there. Luckily it never came to that. We got him safely to A&E and booked in. Taken quite quickly because of what was taking place with him. His arteries to his heart was starting to tighten up and close.
Once they got him hooked up with morphine, they got him to the next hospital where they have the heart clinic and it was dealt with Friday/Saturday night there. He's now in good health and back to the normal hospital this morning for more checkups and diagnosis. All pains he was having are now gone but you couldn't help think of the worst. I almost broke down to the floor with joy when I got the news of clearance. As they keep saying on those nights when they're in A&E that no news is good news.
So he's being kept in maybe Monday or Tuesday before being cleared to go home.
Sometimes it feels like it keeps getting harder and harder when you've seen everyone you've bonded with die around you and everything is disappearing. To this day what remains of Aunts and Uncles, 2 Aunts and 1 Uncle no longer wants to be in contact or be able to be contacted. The knife keeps twisting.
You don't really realise with your relatives that you only get one chance with this. You get up, you go to school or work, it's just another day and you're back home to do whatever it is that is required. So many people don't respect their elders or old people they don't know. Or even appreciate the issues they're now starting to experience. You can look at old people in the street and they don't realise, that's someone's Great Grandmother, Great Grandfather, Grandmother, Grandfather, Uncle, Aunt, Father, Mother, Sister or Brother. People don't know/care or appreciate what state or what they're now going through.
I've started appreciating more older people now that they're holding a queue up or slow at the ATM instead of being impatient myself.
It always felt different when you see Ambulances coming your direction pulling over, stopping and letting them by and thinking nothing of them. Now I see it as that was me waiting on that vehicle arriving up the road. Now you cannot help seeing them as both hating seeing Ambulances and loving to see them at the same time. The look on Paramedics faces and Police Officers when you know there is nothing else that can be done. Complete helplessness that you know how they feel, you can see it in their faces. What you're feeling and the helplessness and what you don't know what to feel. Except when you start to feel lost. You cannot bring it back.
That second or minute can cost. Especially when it's you when it feels like a lifetime on that waiting versus seeing other people's paths.
Death and age was something I never ever thought of until these recent years until you've walked your own path with it.
Reminds me of that segment I saw 3 - 4 nights ago with Mark Dolan and the Marathon Runner, Ken Jones. The way how people treated him. Which sadly I cannot seem to find. He's 88 now.
The biology for women hasn't changed much even with medicine.
That upper limit to the clock is still there.
But the reasonable time to start a family (financial stability, many would say own your own home) has gone up massively.
Now you're left with well under a decade of time to have kids.
Also. You have huge debt in that time. You may want to have a life, work on career etc etc.
The time grows shorter.
There isn't time to have more than 2 kids and be financially stable for an ever increasing number of couples.
Everything in life is now later. But biology is still the same.
Then you've got the other issue I never thought of. You choose to not have any family, as in children. Who do you hand over your inheritance, your belongings, everything you own. There never seems to be an easy answer to it all.
