Permabanned
ffs this thread has me ticked LMFAO
Amazing!!
This is typical Digital Spy stuff, they are obsessed with body fluids and all things scatalogical, I had thought OCUK was above such inane drivel.
ffs this thread has me ticked LMFAO
Amazing!!
I was caught short once. The bloke at the fairground said I was too small to use the ride.
Few weeks ago I was travelling across the UK when I felt the urge to go. I’d needed a toilet for a while... saw a sign for services in 15 miles but before I could stop, the sat nag asked me to leave the safety of the motorway and I was on A roads heading toward Essex. I was truly clueless about when my next opportunity to stop would come. I must have travelled for 30 minutes before I saw a sign that said “services” and the toilet symbol.
I drove for what seemed like another 45 minutes (in reality 10 minutes) only to get off the A road and find a garage on the crest of the flyover... in panic, I saw lorries parked on the carriageway and failed to compute that it was not a services per se, but rather a small garage with no parking. The stationary vehicles should have given it away but I continued to drive around looking for something more akin to a services only to realise that it definitely was the place the sign referred to and that I’d have to stick the car on the road and walk. **** that, I thought and carried on back up the A road.
So this is what GD has come to.
Must confess to a number 1 accident.
Early morning flying out of Bristol airport on holiday with the missus.
Being the idiot i am, the idea of Stella at 6am is too good to resist.
Logic and reason sorted in my mind , all is fine - the logic being don't get drunk - the reason being - you wont be allowed to fly.
The thing i didn't take into account is i either don't have much of a bladder , or it just hates me.
Generally the first two pints just go straight though me, like flushing out a rusty barrel - straight in > straight out = no problems.
So after the initial flush out i knew i could pace myself for the next couple.
Come 8am and the flight is delayed for 30 minutes, most normal people would just sit back and chill, my bladder took that as a personal challenge ( by which time my head was goading it on ).
Another rushed pint and i was ready, so 5 Stellas in total with an airport cooked breakfast inside me, i was looking forward to a relaxed flight.
Another thing i hadn't taken into account was the sudden drop in temperature when you leave departure lounge and walk to the plane, it was ****ing freezing outside.
All of a sudden my bladder decided that it would punish me.
Got to our seats, remember the missus is with me, we put our baggage into the overheads etc
Still cold i thought i'd take a precautionry pre flight pee just in case, no show from Mr bladder.
Reassured by this, i started to relax in the knowledge that all was safe.
It must have been the ping sound over the intercom that really upset Mr Bladder, he clearly didn't want to listen to the flight crew safety anouncements or have a tight seatbelt put over him, but all hell broke loose.
I'd gone from semi-relaxed and looking forward to a kip to full bladder bursting in 2 seconds.
As much as i willed the cabin crew to skip bits, it didn't happen. Knowing full well that we had started moving anyway and you couldn't use the toilets for atleast another 5 minutes, my fate was set.
That moment when you give up the fight and just submit is reserved to people who have been there, mixed emotions covers it.
Looking back it is quite an achievement i managed to fully pee myself on a Thompson jet, sat right next to my missus and no-one noticed anything.
The covert usage of a jumper over the legs, combined with dark jeans - and i'd pulled it off.
I left my jeans in Turkey and had a nice holiday.
TLDR: It happens
This is typical Digital Spy stuff, they are obsessed with body fluids and all things scatalogical, I had thought OCUK was above such inane drivel.
So this is what GD has come to.
Wow. Just wowSo I spent the next 10mins shamelessly cupping water from the toilet basin to rinse my nipsy
Surely your missus knew what you’d done? I’ve had some uncomfortable flights for all sorts of reasons but that must have been some nastyexperience sitting like that for the next couple of hours?
I filled my britches in a club, on the dance floor once.
I'd had bad guts for a day or two and thought it had all cleared up when my then girlfriend and me went out for a meal with friends. I'd glugged a bottle of red wine and shortly later we were all in a club shaking our thang on the dance floor. It came without warning and I followed through. My underwear seemed able to cup and collect what was really just liquid, a disgusting puddle of a stinking diarrhea. You know how that **** smells, you can taste the smell. I didn't want to give the game away by marching off to the toilet straight away, so I spent another 5 minutes shuffling awkwardly on the dance floor and signalling to my girlfriend and friends "eww, is that you?" and "omg, can you smell that? gross!".
I made my excuses and squelched to the toilet. Once in the cubicle I hastily whipped my trousers and undercrackers down to find that my boxers had cradled this hideous mess perfectly. I had been so eager to dropped my trousers though, I hadn't removed my shoes. I didn't want to pull my kecks back up, so I had to perform this awkward balancing act of untying and removing one shoe at a time whilst not spilling the devil's stew that was swinging between my legs. Finally I had it all off and the "bag" of shame took several attempts to flush. I couldn't then go out and wash my arse and trousers in front of everyone at the sinks. So I spent the next 10mins shamelessly cupping water from the toilet basin to rinse my nipsy and clean the skids in my trousers.
Needless to say, not my finest hour.