haha, that confession about crabs reminded me of this
I worked as a chef in my youth and had an unfortunate infestation of crabs at the time, when i was bored i would sneak off and pluck one or two of the pesky little nippers and put it in the next order that interrupted the quiet time. This happened on more than one occasion....
There was nothing worse than a table ordering 2 minutes before the kitchen was due to shut and I'm not ashamed to say but I've also spat in food and had no issues in picking food up off the floor.