Asked for daughters hand over email...

Again, it's not about posession of a woman, and i suspect you should think of marrying your partner of more than just "posessing a woman".
 
Sorry, I mean it totally the other way. I my opinion, the whole father-in-law / son-in-law chats about "asking to marry" stink of passing the women over which is why I did not do it.. I personally think it has no place.
 
I phoned my now fiancee's father to ask him...

I could never get him alone in the house... and if i took him out of the house for a drink lets say... it would be super fishy and I'd be sussed in an instant... better than an email though, but still moderate fail..

He still said yes, and has thanked me numerous times, as have her brothers for doing them a favour :p... everyone's a winner.

You however, have taken it to the next level and i now feel less bad :D!
 
Richdog said:
it's a gesture and mark of respect to the man who not only will be there with you throughout your marriage, but who is one of the most important people in your future wifes' life
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This really. While I understand the view point that it's a mark of respect to the father I dont really agree because I his answer really is not going to have any bearing on my decision to pop the question. Rather i see it as a mark of respect to my future wife, that I care about her and want to be involved with her life, family and all. That i would put myself through the possible uncomfortable 'man moments' and follow outdated traditions because i wantn to make all these gestures for her.
 
DampCat said:
Who said it's anything to do with approval? It's just a mark of respect. It's just showing the father that you consider him an important part of your partners (and your own) life to include him in your plans. I suspect any man who is asked these days is well aware it's not about permission, it's just a conversation, man to man, about someone very important to you both.

I would expect a guy to come to me should he marry my daughter. Again, not for permission, because i have no doubt that it's not required, but because this man will be replacing me as the most important man in my daughter's life... therefore he should be able to address me as an equal.
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Spot on.
 
If it is such a mark of respect, why not ask the mother too. Why should the wife not ask the grooms mother and father?

It is an archaic throwback.
 
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On the same par as when I got made redundant by text ....... Wouldn't want my daughter marrying a spineless wimp ! Know what my answer to that email would be
 
Skully said:
I asked her Dad and I think he said something along the lines of,

'I'll ask the wife'

:/.
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lol!

My Aunt's partner (who's a tool!) asked my 85yr old Grandmother if he could marry my Aunt earlier this year.

My Grandmothers reply was "You bloody well cant,over my dead body and i plan to live another 85 years!"

I cried with laughter when she told me what she said lol



Back to OP

Im curious if the email subject was

"Enl4rge Your P..........otential family"

Lucky it didnt get sent to the junk folder lol
 
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snail1 said:
If it is such a mark of respect, why not ask the mother too. Why should the wife not ask the grooms mother and father?

It is an archaic throwback.
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Archaic or not your giving the father a gift/privilege he can only receive very few times in his life. It's a long running tradition, and by not asking your robbing him of it. You're not robbing the mother, or the grooms parents of of it as the tradition was never theirs to have. If anything by not doing it your possibly robbing them of a little respect for you.

Now you can defend your stance all you like, but at the end of the day your avoiding a short encounter that would probably make the dad feel honored.

edit:

On the flipside if no one concerned actually cared then obviously it's not doing any harm! :D
 
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DampCat said:
Who said it's anything to do with approval? It's just a mark of respect. It's just showing the father that you consider him an important part of your partners (and your own) life to include him in your plans. I suspect any man who is asked these days is well aware it's not about permission, it's just a conversation, man to man, about someone very important to you both.

I would expect a guy to come to me should he marry my daughter. Again, not for permission, because i have no doubt that it's not required, but because this man will be replacing me as the most important man in my daughter's life... therefore he should be able to address me as an equal.
Click to expand...

So why would you want him to ask you to give your daughter away to him? That's the framework being talked about here, although it was often also about money (dowry) and politics.

There is a difference between what you refer to and asking a woman's father for her, which is the custom in question. Although nowadays it's actually just pretending to ask him, since he doesn't have the authority to make the decision. So I say it's disrespectful to pretty much everyone involved.
 
HybridX said:
[..]
Back to OP

Im curious if the email subject was

"Enl4rge Your P..........otential family"

Lucky it didnt get sent to the junk folder lol
Click to expand...

:)

Or maybe an advance fees lottery scam email. Subject header "Congratulations, you are a winner!" and the content explaining that
he has won a son-in-law in a lottery in Luxembourg that he never entered,
just send £500 to cover administration fees :)
 
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