Asked for daughters hand over email...

Raymond Lin · 23 Sep 2009 at 08:45

Swampyseifer said:
wow, thats a lot of replies......some unneccesarily harsh.

as I said, I think the concept is outdated and unneccesary, thats why I didnt go to effort of buying him a pint to ask him a question which (as a previous poster pointed out) he has no real say in and even if he had said no the wedding would go ahead anyway. I emailed him just to broach the subject of marrying his daughter and that I would discuss it with him and his wife in more detail at the weekend.

I phrased my post to make a joke of the situation really, something I have tried to keep up as I went along - like the lol after suggesting I was prodding the boundaries of society.

Still, was a good laugh for the first few pages!

I think you missed the point...

floatindolphin · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:02

Maybe you should have played a Call Of Duty type game and asked him over x-box headsets as you pop a cap in his ass!

a1ex2001 · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:04

Personally I don't see the point in even asking so if your going to bother then an email will of course do the job. The whole concept is so utterly outdated as to be ridiculous, in this day and age it is a question that is guarenteed a 'yes' answer as the father in question knows that his answer means nothing as it is his daughters decision. What would actually happen if he said no? Why bother asking questions with only one answer life is too short, plus I'd like my future wife to be the first to know that I'd like to marry her not her old man!

Raymond Lin · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:08

a1ex2001 said:
Personally I don't see the point in even asking so if your going to bother than an email will of course do the job. The whole concept is so utterly outdated as to be ridiculous, in this day and age it is a question that is guarenteed a 'yes' answer as the father in question knows that his answer means nothing as it is his daughters decision. What would actually happen if he said no? Why bother asking questions with only one answer life is too short, plus I'd like my future wife to be the first to know that I'd like to marry her not her old man!

The point is respect, something which a lot of people lack these days. The man brought up his daughter for all these years, is it that wrong to ask him a simple question in person?

SteveOBHave · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:10

Raymond Lin said:
The point is respect, something which a lot of people lack these days. The man brought up his daughter for all these years, is it that wrong to ask him a simple question in person?

I agree - it's not outdated at all - the only thing that is wrong here is the lack of respect shown to someones parent. It's poor form and should be rectified.

Redmelo · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:11

Not that I'm condoning what he did, but... high horse anyone??
Get a grip people.. there have been much worse things posted on this forum.
And I am sure that many here would not even have the balls to send the email, let alone ask a woman to marry them!!

Dugganator · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:13

Raymond Lin said:
The point is respect, something which a lot of people lack these days. The man brought up his daughter for all these years, is it that wrong to ask him a simple question in person?

Well said that man.

SteveOBHave · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:14

Redmelo said:
Not that I'm condoning what he did, but... high horse anyone??
Get a grip people.. there have been much worse things posted on this forum.
And I am sure that many here would not even have the balls to send the email, let alone ask a woman to marry them!!

Having made the effort to talk to my Fiances father before asking for her hand in marraige I don't think that my horse is particularily high... but thanks for your input.

Raymond Lin · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:14

Redmelo said:
Not that I'm condoning what he did, but... high horse anyone??
Get a grip people.. there have been much worse things posted on this forum.
And I am sure that many here would not even have the balls to send the email, let alone ask a woman to marry them!!

It has nothing to do with High horse, its about what is right and what is wrong.

I mean, would you not do this in person? I dare you to do the same and better still, propose to your girlfriend over text. It's just a simple question right?

Dugganator · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:23

Redmelo said:
Not that I'm condoning what he did, but... high horse anyone??
Get a grip people.. there have been much worse things posted on this forum.
And I am sure that many here would not even have the balls to send the email, let alone ask a woman to marry them!!

lol I bet you that a large number of people here have asked the father 'n' law the respectful way and then asked their other half to marry them in a nice down on one knee fashion.

I know I did it that way. Father 'n' law was a simple pop over his house after work asked him face to face that I respected his views and would like to ask for his daughters hand in marriage he said yes. Queue man hand shake and nod. Then I planned the down on one knee surprise in front of family and friends. She also said yes and when she found out from her dad I had the respect to ask him face to face like man she was really proud. To make you laugh that relationship ended up like a French fighter pilot........ shot down in flames and crashed and burned big time a few years later but I still stand by my point

Redmelo · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:26

My point is that not every* 13 year old needs to come in this thread and shout out "FAIL!" like the 50 people before him. I bet most in here have never been in the situation and therefore are just here to "make a funny".

Of course I would do it in person myself

SteveOBHave thanks for taking my post personal. I was talking to you specifically and congratulations that you "made the effort". You are so great!

r3loaded · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:27

Wow, such a long thread. To the OP, I hope you learn from this - don't post anything remotely embarrassing on a forum, or teh internets will come to haunt you!!!

My advice would be to meet him in person now to do it properly.

drunkenmaster · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:29

Raymond Lin said:
The point is respect, something which a lot of people lack these days. The man brought up his daughter for all these years, is it that wrong to ask him a simple question in person?

Actually yes it is, its a tradition and NOTHING more. You bring up respect but the idea is that the father is allowed to control their daughters and tell them who to marry, thats when it first started way back when. So while it might be a sign of respect to the father, is it at all respectful to the woman you want to marry? I'd argue no, not at all.

Likewise, not every father in the world is a good person, not every person out their deserves respect.

Again its a tradition, because the tradition says you ask the father for permission even if he's a drunk abusive rapist convict in jail who doesn't deserve any respect at all.

It might be respectful, but I'm fully of the opinion that people earn respect, showing respect, unearned, means NOTHING. You're asking for the tradition not to show respect, infact you're only respecting the tradition not even the person.

THe idea is archaic, saying that I would ask the father IF that was a great person who I already respected and liked. If I was involved with a woman who I wanted to marry whose father was an a-hole who I didn't like, didn't get on with and was a pratt, I'd feel no need to pretend to respect him and fake the whole thing purely for a tradition.

Just doing it blindly, because everyone else does it and its a tradition, with no care at all into who you're asking and why, makes it worthless and stupid.

It always amazes me how people will blindly do anything without a second thought just because other people do it.

I still wouldn't do what the OP did, if I respected the father already I'd go and see them in person, if I didn't respect the father I wouldn't ask at all, e-mailing was just weird.

SteveOBHave · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:29

Redmelo said:
My point is that not even 13 year old needs to come in this thread and shout out "FAIL!" like the 50 people before him. I bet most in here have never been in the situation and therefore are just here to "make a funny".

Of course I would do it in person myself

SteveOBHave thanks for taking my post personal. I was talking to you specifically and congratulations that you "made the effort". You are so great!

Public forum, you challenged the responses, I chose to respond from a personal perspective - get over it.

PiKe · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:31

Go the whole hog and propose to her over email too?

Redmelo · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:32

SteveOBHave said:
I chose to respond from a personal perspective.

SteveOBHave said:
thanks for your input.

z0mbi3 · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:34

PiKe said:
Go the whole hog and propose to her over email too?

Why waste a good e-mail when a short & sweet text will do the job?

Raymond Lin · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:36

drunkenmaster said:
snip

Now you are adding variables with the bad father thing. You might as well asked what he he's dead, what if he can't speak English, what if he's a convict on the run?

And my question to you is not if you would ask your wife's father in person. Rather, how do you feel if your future son in law do this to you or didn't ask you at all?

p.s. I know full well where this tradition has come from, but just because the date on the calendar doesn't start with 17, it does not mean it should be dropped entirely.

Richdog · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:40

drunkenmaster said:
Actually yes it is, its a tradition and NOTHING more. You bring up respect but the idea is that the father is allowed to control their daughters and tell them who to marry, thats when it first started way back when. So while it might be a sign of respect to the father, is it at all respectful to the woman you want to marry? I'd argue no, not at all.

Likewise, not every father in the world is a good person, not every person out their deserves respect.

Again its a tradition, because the tradition says you ask the father for permission even if he's a drunk abusive rapist convict in jail who doesn't deserve any respect at all.

It might be respectful, but I'm fully of the opinion that people earn respect, showing respect, unearned, means NOTHING. You're asking for the tradition not to show respect, infact you're only respecting the tradition not even the person.

THe idea is archaic, saying that I would ask the father IF that was a great person who I already respected and liked. If I was involved with a woman who I wanted to marry whose father was an a-hole who I didn't like, didn't get on with and was a pratt, I'd feel no need to pretend to respect him and fake the whole thing purely for a tradition.

Just doing it blindly, because everyone else does it and its a tradition, with no care at all into who you're asking and why, makes it worthless and stupid.

It always amazes me how people will blindly do anything without a second thought just because other people do it.

I still wouldn't do what the OP did, if I respected the father already I'd go and see them in person, if I didn't respect the father I wouldn't ask at all, e-mailing was just weird.

A typical drunkenmaster long-winded rant, based on probably based on you knowing full well you will never be in that situaiton. To be honest from your posts I think you must have a distinct lack of charisma and social skills.

Raymond Lin said:
The point is respect, something which a lot of people lack these days. The man brought up his daughter for all these years, is it that wrong to ask him a simple question in person?

Exactly. It's not an outdated pointless tradition disrespectful to your future bride, it's a gesture and mark of respect to the man who not only will be there with you throughout your marriage, but who is one of the most important people in your future wifes' life, and she is his princess who he would die to protect and only wants to know she will be happy and looked after. If he is not happy, you can expect a LOT of grief, and really... does it take THAT much effort to meet up with him and ask him what he thinks? No, only if you're a lazy and insensitive git. I find it amazing how people don't understand this... oh wait, actually no I don't.

Mucky_Pup · 23 Sep 2009 at 09:44

It's very outdated to me, wouldn't ask my gf, or any future gf's dad beforehand, she would be the first one to know.