Bad Joke.... How Do You Get

Early is relative, surely?

I could be back home from work early, which is 6pm rather than 8pm...

I could be up early, which would mean I'm up at 5am to be in work before 7am...

:)
 
William said:
A family of four is driving behind an Ann Summers lorry when the back door swings open and a huge pink vibrating ***** falls out the back and hits the windscreen of the family car driving behind.

The father preoccupied with maintaining control of the vehicle leaves the job of distracting the children to the wife who says:

"My that was a big insect!"

The seven year old son in the back pipes up:

"I'm suprised it could fly at all with a **** that big".
Click to expand...
LOL :D
 
Little Timmy was desperate to go to the toilet at school;
"Please Miss I really need the toilet"
"Ok Timmy but before you go, you have to say the alphabet"
So he takes a deep breath
"A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z"
"Very good Timmy, but where was the P?"
"It's running down my leg Miss!"
 
Following on from the title of the thread, bad joke:

An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."

The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"

The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.

Then he quietly explained.

"Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Sword Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn't find any ******* Frenchmen to show it to" :p

(Really hope Freefaller doesn't read this) :p
 
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This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside.
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This drunk also demanded a cocktail stick if he was to leave quietly. There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barman obliged and the old drunk quietly left.
Soon after, a third wino came into the barman and without hesitation the barman offered him a cocktail stick to leave. This time though the drunk turned him down and said he would only leave if the barman gave him a drinking straw.
Curiosity finally got the better of the barman and he asked the old drunk why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two drunks had asked for cocktail sticks. The wino said "Well, someone was sick outside and all the lumpy bits have gone now!"
 
Simmz said:
This old wino staggers into a bar and the barman immediately told him to get out. The tramp said that he would only leave if the barman gave him a cocktail stick. The barman, thinking this was a fair exchange, gladly gave the man a cocktail stick and watched him stagger back outside.
A minute later another old wino walked into the bar and got asked to leave by the barman. This drunk also demanded a cocktail stick if he was to leave quietly. There had been no trouble the first time so, once again, the barman obliged and the old drunk quietly left.
Soon after, a third wino came into the barman and without hesitation the barman offered him a cocktail stick to leave. This time though the drunk turned him down and said he would only leave if the barman gave him a drinking straw.
Curiosity finally got the better of the barman and he asked the old drunk why he wanted a drinking straw when the other two drunks had asked for cocktail sticks. The wino said "Well, someone was sick outside and all the lumpy bits have gone now!"
Click to expand...

:eek:
 
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