Divorce

I was married for a short period of time. The strongest advice I could ever offer anyone is to try and sort things without it getting ugly and lawyers involved.

My ex was naive and did whatever the Solicitors told her to do. In the end we spent £350,000 on solicitors fees, And my ex-wife ended up getting around 65% less than I offered her in the first place Plus I got a cost order (which is Very rare in family Court)
 
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My ex hired a Barrister during the property settlement to represent her. An expensive mistake. It got her 3 properties, but not the 'crown jewels'.

Mind you, her decision to hire a Barrister was probably in reaction to my having a Queens Counsel represent me in the child custody case.
 
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Jean-F said:
Agree with that, after reading all of the posts, particularly the well informed stuff, from those who presumably have been through it, I dropped to my knees, and thanked the good Lord that I somehow dodged all those bullets when I left my wife around 1970-1971.
I’d been married for ten years, and we had two young sons, when I walked into a bar, and was struck by a weapons grade coup de foudre, as I laid eyes on a gorgeous Polish girl.
My wife subsequently divorced me, and asked for nothing but maintenance for her and our sons.
Bear in mind that the divorce was around 1973, she was awarded £4.50 per child, per week, and £9.00 per week for herself.
I met her, and her father, in a pub opposite the High Court in Strand, after the case, and told her that I’d set up a standing order for the maintenance right away, plus, if she kept quiet about how I earned my money, I’d pay her the same amount in cash, every week.
She hated my guts, but she knew that I wouldn’t lie about the money, as I loved my kids, and would die before I’d let them go short.
I kept the arrangement up, right up until she remarried some 5 or 6 years later, and kept paying double for the boys, until they reached 18.
Didn’t make me a hero, I should have been wise enough to have stayed with her, and worn blinders when I went out with the guys for a drink that night.
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Have to ask... how did you make your money back then?
 
RxR said:
My ex hired a Barrister during the property settlement to represent her. An expensive mistake. It got her 3 properties, but not the 'crown jewels'.

Mind you, her decision to hire a Barrister was probably in reaction to my having a Queens Counsel represent me in the child custody case.
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What movie is this from?
 
A2Z said:
Have to ask... how did you make your money back then?
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Okay, obviously it wasn’t legal, but nobody got hurt, bottom line, I diverted merchandise
from where it should have gone, to someone else, who wanted it more.
 
FoxEye said:
Well you did just post to admit leaving your wife and kids for a prettier, younger model. So hard to disagree with your assessment there :p
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I know, I know, my boys are both in their fifties now, I’ll meet them for a drink after they’ve visited their mother, and they’ll say, “How the **** you could have been such a mug to have walked away from her, I don’t know.”
 
TBirdUK said:
its strange how the system is designed to go down the adversarial route - my wife and I are agreeing at the moment, because we want to maintain a civil relationship as we will always be in contact due to the kids, but everyone is advising her to go for more, the most she can. Luckily she is a lot younger than me, and as such, her earning potential is greater in the longer term, and I have limited means of getting another mortgage due to time left in employment etc and although I earn quite a bit, I have less time to re-build.

Still, it seems from her solicitor advice that it doesn't matter that I 'need' to have a house, so my kids have somewhere to stay with me, that's what gets me. Lets just hope I get a judge that is fair, the mediator is already appearing bias towards her, and that is annoying!
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It is worrying if the mediator is showing bias. You might want to switch. Or if you two are ok talking together then just relay to a solicitor what your agreed terms are. There’s no requirement for you both to have a solicitor. Where there kids, a Judge will always say that both parties need a house to accommodate them for overnight time (and that usually means both housing needs are equal - it’s just a case of how to meet that need - how much cash and how much mortgage), which is a really positive shift in the approach to cases over the last 10-15yrs.

10-15+ yrs ago it was usually the case that the primary carer would be prioritised and that the other parent has a lesser property.

To answer your question of earlier - a “lawyer” is a collective term for someone practicing law - can be a solicitor or a barrister. I tend to use lawyer as although I’m a solicitor, I do a lot of my own advocacy and so overlap with the barrister’s role as well.
 
Lonewolf said:
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I’m not wealthy, but I do own my own apartment, wife never contributed to the mortgage either before or since we have separated, but I am aware that she is still entitled to half. Last thing I want to do is sell my home and lose all I have and potentially end up on the streets...
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Is she entitled to half though?

I was under the impression it was by degrees. e.g. If you owned your property for 10 years, she moved in between year 10 and 15 and then left. The calculation would be based upon contributions between year 10 and 15 only; irrespective what those contributions were, whether for mortgage, services, household etc.
 
My ex very long term partner and mother of my grown up kids owns half the house that i live alone in ,we are still great friends though and that helps ,had 6 weeks in spain together recently (friends only basis)
shes happy for me to stay here and shes obviously free to come and go as she likes ,plan to put some extra value (ie attic room ,conservatory ) so she gets compensation for her not living here
 
Dr House said:
I was married for a short period of time. The strongest advice I could ever offer anyone is to try and sort things without it getting ugly and lawyers involved.

My ex was naive and did whatever the Solicitors told her to do. In the end we spent £350,000 on solicitors fees, And my ex-wife ended up getting around 65% less than I offered her in the first place Plus I got a cost order (which is Very rare in family Court)
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£350k on solicitors! Lol is that for real?

Mine cost £2.5k and hers about the same. Divorce took 8 months from start to finish.
 
Been through this. Quite honestly the money is less important than the children.
Focus on them (I am sure you are), as maintaining access and being there for them is what's really critical.
 
so here's my story and subsequent divorce:

Wife one day, got up and left, without warning. Stripped the house bare and left. She then went after 50% of the house, half of my pension, and due to a snake in the ranks - whenever I was out having a good time with the boys, she'd message telling me she wanted more money, or higher cut of pension, more of this and that. I had enough one day and gave her both barrels and followed it up by a detail of everything which she contributed. She paid towards the house (mainly fixtures and fittings), and did pay some towards bills and mortgage.

I worked it out that I paid the deposit, she paid some of the mortgage, and the house had increased in value (which she also tried to increase further, despite three separate valuations from independent companies). So she also took half of the equity. But ultimately it worked out not THAT bad. I told her, no pension. She took all of this further, until i pointed out that her pension is worth more than mine (Civil Servant). She quickly forgot about pension after that.

We had agreed a monetary valuation for everything (equity, mortgage payments up until the day she left, any goods she didn't take when she ****ed off etc) and I told her that I'd happily give that money to my solicitors - which I did. It was sat in their account until a clean break order went through (which I insisted on, as she clearly can't be trusted). She fought this, but ultimately agreed to it.

For me, a clean break order is a must. If I were to win the lottery, without a CBO she'd still be entitled to half even years after the divorce. A CBO will protect you and is pretty cheap to get (max £250). It works both ways, you're entitled to nothing if she wins the lottery - but in my case, I'd never want to see or speak to the **** again, so that works for me! :)
 
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