Divorce

[koolpc]

50 / 50 split for us. Sold house, divided all assets 50/50. Her solicitor wanted me to give up loads including pension. No chance! We were together 31 years.

I see my daughter every day too as she is the most important part of our lives. We both agreed that her needs come before anything else. She needs a mum and a dad. She is our number one. Her needs were put first right from the beginning. Access to both mum and dad, whenever.

2 years since divorce absolute and she is a massive part of my life.

 

[TBirdUK]

how did you get her solicitor to agree to that?

 

[rubberduck]

Have to ask... how did you make your money back then?

Thanks for your great input but someone already gave a decent answer

No worries, happy to help.

 

[JaWalks]

I must be one of the rare cases where my ex tried to force me to have more access to my kids. She wanted 50/50 so she could live this lifestyle she had planned with her new partner. Whereas I was happy having them 2 nights a week fit around my shifts.

This worked in my favour when it came to the financial settlement as when she started asking for more than I deemed fair I threatened to reduce contact to one night a week and she backed down.

 

[eviled]

Half the comments in this thread are beyond reason, hard to imagine people harbour such views and behave in such ways.

Women accept lower wages, slower career progression, career breaks, small pensions pots to have children.

Where children are involved that sacrifice needs to be taken into account in all assets.

From what I’ve heard the french system only takes into account asserts from the point of marriage and tries to work out the sacrifices made so they can be compensated fairly rather than an arbitrary percentage

 

[NVP]

I honestly find it amazing there's not a lot more spousal "accidents" when they try this sort of thing on.

Holiday to south Africa anyone?

 

[BigT]

Have you got her consent to divorce due to separation for two years are you going for the rarely used desertion grounds?

My ex wife wouldn’t consent to divorce after two years separated to spite me so in order to move on with my life then I either had to wait another three years and go for separation without consent or let her have the house. I chose the latter and have never regretted it, albeit there wasn’t a huge amount of equity in it.

 

[Malevolence]

And to think, people question how I can be happy living the single bloke lifestyle with zero intentions of ever getting hitched.

 

[TBirdUK]

@eviled, have you been through this, I agree things should be fair in life, but they are not, and that should not influence the law but it is weighted heavily against the man in this case (although things are getting better). I would happily have full custody of the kids, give up work to look after them, provide them a home but I just don't get the choice - in my case I will aim to give her a fair part of what was gained during the marriage but the system says I should give her more and leave me worse off than her, working full time, unable to have a home for my kids and so seeing the kids less whilst she still has the ability to do all the things she wants too. It should be noted that she has 35 years to build her career from now, the exact same time I will have had on retirement.

 

[Lonewolf]

Thanks for sharing your experiences and the excellent information herein. Unfortunately I’m still none the wiser in terms of which path is the best for me, too many variables on how things will turn out, not to mention the monetary cost of the process.

 

[TBirdUK]

If it was me I would speak to a solicitor, get the best and worst case scenario, then try and contact her to see what she would do. If you cant then start proceedings, the longer you wait, the less time you have to recover afterwards.

 

[OpenToSuggestions]

you can see why pre-nups are such a big thing over in the US.

I have always said that if someone were to move in with me that I would expect them to either bring something to the table (such as own a property) or sign away the equity I have earned so far by myself.

Threads like this only reinforce my feelings on this.
Interesting thread though!

 

[Dr House]

£350k on solicitors! Lol is that for real?

Mine cost £2.5k and hers about the same. Divorce took 8 months from start to finish.

Yep. Was mad and still not over 5 years on still going back to court soon. Several 3 day hearings with 5 Solicitors and 3 barristers present

Lats just say my ex got less out of me than she spent in fees.

 

[Lonewolf]

If it was me I would speak to a solicitor, get the best and worst case scenario, then try and contact her to see what she would do. If you cant then start proceedings, the longer you wait, the less time you have to recover afterwards.

Problem is I’m in my mid fifties and don’t earn a princely sum so let’s say a divorce takes 12 months to resolve, it leaves me about 10 years potential earnings to get back on track...Bottom line is I wouldn’t be able to buy another property!

 

[TBirdUK]

and that would be part of your argument, your 'need', especially if she has been independent for 2 years, same case as I will use, I'm 46, whereas my wife is 30 - her earning potential is greater (time wise) than mine even though I earn quite a bit relatively (but that's because I am older and been in work longer)

 

[RoboCod]

Leaches, simply

 

[Amnesia]

Problem is I’m in my mid fifties and don’t earn a princely sum so let’s say a divorce takes 12 months to resolve, it leaves me about 10 years potential earnings to get back on track...Bottom line is I wouldn’t be able to buy another property!

go sell your house, bet it all on black
if you win then you buy the house back and let her half it.
if you lose then oh well at least she wont be getting anything

im probably not the best at giving serious advice but it would be funny if you took my advice and won haha

 

[Caracus2k]

Half the comments in this thread are beyond reason, hard to imagine people harbour such views and behave in such ways.

Women accept lower wages, slower career progression, career breaks, small pensions pots to have children.

Where children are involved that sacrifice needs to be taken into account in all assets.

From what I’ve heard the french system only takes into account asserts from the point of marriage and tries to work out the sacrifices made so they can be compensated fairly rather than an arbitrary percentage

.

Moral of the story is to not let women play this role.....

Plently (not all women) are quite happy to take a backseat job wise or just not work outside of the house at all. Some all about screaming about the supposed gender pay gap but given the opportunity a far higher percentage of women are inclined to give up work altogether or go part time once kids come along and/or they marry a richer man.

My advice to men on this thread is don't let women do this! (unless you are willing to subsidise the same lifestyle but this time in a household you will no longer be a part of whilst you try and get by on what's left if the other half gets bored, finds someone else, decides they don't love you etc etc )

Co parent and get thoose women back out to work!

 

[FoxEye]

Half the comments in this thread are beyond reason, hard to imagine people harbour such views and behave in such ways.

Women accept lower wages, slower career progression, career breaks, small pensions pots to have children.

Where children are involved that sacrifice needs to be taken into account in all assets.

From what I’ve heard the french system only takes into account asserts from the point of marriage and tries to work out the sacrifices made so they can be compensated fairly rather than an arbitrary percentage

A lot of the experiences here and elsewhere don't fit your cozy model tho.

I know people who've been married only a handful or years and had no kids together. The split is still 50/50 and the bloke loses a lot more if he put more into the house to begin with. I know people who've put 75%+ into the house; the wife still walks away with 50% and a stake in future earnings, even with *no* kids (except from a previous marriage on her part). It's my understanding that the wife can still get support from her last partner (child support), and additionally now future earnings support from her current/ex-husband as well. How does that happen?!

Frankly we all know people (men) who've been squeezed and blatantly screwed by the system, which is as anti-male as you can possibly imagine. Thankfully I have no first hand experience. I can only be glad of that fact.

 

[omnomnom]

I must be one of the rare cases where my ex tried to force me to have more access to my kids. She wanted 50/50 so she could live this lifestyle she had planned with her new partner. Whereas I was happy having them 2 nights a week fit around my shifts.

This worked in my favour when it came to the financial settlement as when she started asking for more than I deemed fair I threatened to reduce contact to one night a week and she backed down.

She tried to force you to see your children more...you threatened to reduce the contact from two to one nights a week?


Wow...you shouldnt have had kids.