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Does anyone else have no friends?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by AHarvey, Sep 17, 2016.

  1. juno_first

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 18, 2003

    Posts: 2,535

    Location: Stoke, England

    What are autistic physical traits? I've never heard of this.
     
  2. Puzzled

    Soldato

    Joined: Jul 9, 2003

    Posts: 6,349

    What makes you say that, just looks cold to me :p

    Tbh nothing he is saying is that radical, everyone should be able to spend time alone without going crazy. If you need constant company / attention then that suggests that you don't like being with your own thoughts which isn't a healthy mental state.

    Like everything you need balance.
     
  3. danlightbulb

    Mobster

    Joined: Jul 14, 2005

    Posts: 2,538

    Nice to see so many people in similar situation to me. I thought my situation was not that common but maybe we are all misled by what we think other people do.

    I know lots of people who I hardly ever see.

    I see lots of people but based around work or activities (sports, walking, organised nights out) rather than social for the sake of being social. Im not chatty, so I dont just chat to people much unless its about a specific topic of mutual interest.

    Ive never had the 'drop in' type of friendship with anyone which I thought was common (often presented this way on media) but now realise its not.

    I think from reading this thread that probably many of us have similar friend situations, but how we percieve them (depending on your mood, anxiety level, with underlying depression) makes us either happy or not with that similar situation.
     
  4. OspreyO

    Mobster

    Joined: Dec 12, 2006

    Posts: 3,219

    I don't really get this story.
     
  5. Sgt_Pepper

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Sep 1, 2007

    Posts: 2,117

    Location: St. Helens & Blackpool

    I don’t any friends other than my wife. I’ve not really talked to any of the guys i grew up with for about 15 years. Their lives where consumed by causing bother and social drugs, and i wasn't really into that life, so i just stopped going out.
    I will have a drink on a Friday lunch with a few guys from work, but non of them ever really contact me outside work unless they need help with a job.
     
  6. Energize

    Caporegime

    Joined: Mar 12, 2004

    Posts: 27,951

    Sorry, I don't understand.
     
  7. Lokwyr

    Gangster

    Joined: Nov 9, 2018

    Posts: 123

    Location: Poole

    A Friend is the first person you should talk with, but the last person you actually talk with, whenever life turns fubar.
     
  8. RxR

    Wise Guy

    Joined: Aug 16, 2019

    Posts: 1,355

    I've heard it said that "if a friend can't tell you off, they aren't worth having".

    But what if you are better at telling yourself off?
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2019
  9. Lokwyr

    Gangster

    Joined: Nov 9, 2018

    Posts: 123

    Location: Poole

    You'd need a friend to confirm that!
     
  10. morbid42

    Gangster

    Joined: Mar 24, 2011

    Posts: 296

    Location: Sherwood Forest

    Sometimes its more important to have time for yourself and not wasted on other people
     
  11. Daff_Duck

    Hitman

    Joined: Oct 18, 2002

    Posts: 790

    Location: Manchester

    I agree that in some cases you only have yourself to blame - this is the case with me. I am not friend material I often make a conscious decision to not become familiar friendly with people

    . As such I have no one to blame except me when I feel lonely or isolated. The only good thing for me is I have a wife of 30 yrs ( God knows how she has tolerated me) and a Sister who I know I can always rely on to be there, again I have no idea why.
     
  12. Adnams Drinker

    Wise Guy

    Joined: May 29, 2003

    Posts: 2,031

    Location: Cambridge

    Reading this thread has actually made me feel relatively 'normal' again! Normal in that I have very few friends, but those I do have are the sort who have been friends for years and if we do go ages between seeing or speaking to each other, when we eventually do we just sort of seem to pick up where we left off. Very much quality over quantity.

    I think a lot of it just comes with being - supposedly :p - an adult and your lives, careers etc. going in different directions. I had first-hand experience of that in August this year when I met up with an old mate who was one of our crowd from my teenage years - we literally hadn't set eyes on each other for not far off 30 years. Turned out he's still got the same sense of humour we had when we were younger despite a meteoric (compared to mine anyway) career rise that saw him living on the other side of the country. He comes back to Cambridge several times a year to visit his Mum, who still lives in the same village we did when we were teenagers, so it will become a regular thing from now on. Was great to find he's essentially the same bloke, as I've had at least one [former] friend who turned into a pompous ******** the moment he went to University.

    In reality, the break-up of my marriage has been the catalyst for reconnecting with a lot of old friends - in a lot of cases, it was them reaching out to me having heard on the grapevine that I was having a rough time of it. Ironic that the loss of someone I considered my best friend (my ex-wife) has led to the reconnection of friendships that I'd neglected, albeit unintentionally, during the 25+ years I was with her.

    So-called 'social' media plays its part too - one of my Facebook friends has over 1000 friends according to her profile, although I'd bet if it was to be studied, only a tiny percentage of those ever respond to anything she posts. It's meaningless and absolute B.S. by the time you get to my age, but I can understand the peer pressure or feelings of inferiority that it would create in someone in their teens or 20's.
     
  13. juno_first

    Mobster

    Joined: Apr 18, 2003

    Posts: 2,535

    Location: Stoke, England

    I say being normal is relative to the individual & not the viewer. Not to berate Einstein :D
    Normal is what makes you happy so long as you or no one else is being harmed.
    I found taking a personality test helped me understand why I behave the way I do, a good test is the Myers Briggs 16 types. Just search for myers briggs humanmetrics test
     
  14. wigster

    Hitman

    Joined: Jul 13, 2005

    Posts: 996

    Location: Devon

    You don't want to be in my situation, I totally cocked up. Got someone pregnant when I was 22, my lifestyle style wasn't a healthy one, the girlfriend said it was her and the child but not including my mates, As my lifestyle wasn't a good healthy one I went with loosing contact with my mates. All was good, 18 years later my girlfriend goes all weird on me, enough is enough I had to walk away.

    Now I don't have any mates the ones I had when I was 22 have moved away. So I now have to start fresh.

    I was totally happy just being with the girlfriend and my daughter. But now I know I messed up. My life is **** at the moment but eventually I will be happy again whenever I meet someone I'm not making the mistake of concentrating on just me and the girlfriend.

    On a side not how come you split up with someone and the ex is now even nastier towards me than when we were together.
     
  15. BowdonUK

    Mobster

    Joined: Jan 17, 2016

    Posts: 3,446

    I've noticed when coming out of a relationship it can be very difficult to pick back up with friends. Even if you do have friends you can talk to it can still be very difficult emotionally and confidence-wise. The problem with relationships is they can take over your identity, and when the relationship fog goes suddenly you only have the identity you had before the relationship started. So its easy to feel disjointed. I know I've felt that recently with a relationship suddenly went downhill. I have 2 family members who have got in to some really bad places after their relationships crashed.

    I suspect this is a very common situation, being left with few or no friends. Isn't there any tinder-like apps for friendship?
     
  16. wigster

    Hitman

    Joined: Jul 13, 2005

    Posts: 996

    Location: Devon

    I'm still trying to build bridges when it comes to my family, With my girlfriend I became someone else. Now I have to get the old me back.
     
  17. dirtychinchilla

    Sgarrista

    Joined: May 2, 2011

    Posts: 9,230

    Location: Woking, Surrey

    Multiple things here. All this red pill blue pill stuff is rubbish! Stop reading incel forums.

    You are who you are, so get out there and be yourself.

    No fap and no porn and that rubbish again is incel BS. Those people are idiots.

    The Myers-Briggs test is generally regarded as rubbish. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers–Briggs_Type_Indicator#Criticism

    Keanu Reeves probably stayed single because he lost his wife in traumatic circumstances and probably found it difficult to form attachments to people because the same thing might happen again.

    Extroverts aren't all succubuses. Everyone is different. As you say yourself, everyone is different and no one is better than anyone else.

    Stop reading incel ****.
     
  18. Clov!s

    Capodecina

    Joined: Dec 1, 2011

    Posts: 17,911

    Location:

    90% of this post is just ********, what’s this red pill blue pill nonsense about?

    I think it’s best you stay single spouting ******** like this.
     
  19. Puzzled

    Soldato

    Joined: Jul 9, 2003

    Posts: 6,349



    Ignore the childish animation this channel is always worth a watch and the relationship between being grateful and social cohesion is an interesting point.

    And yes stop reading incel nonsense, negativity breeds negativity so its no wonder those groups become a cesspit of despair.
     
  20. adam cool dude

    Sgarrista

    Joined: Oct 22, 2002

    Posts: 7,951

    Location: Boston, Lincolnshire

    I have a couple that I would call friends but even still I will meet them a couple of times a year at most. I have a wife and two kids. That keeps me busy more than enough. I also like my own space and the wife understands that.

    Don't get me wrong I show my face at Christmas parties and such and will happily socialize in the work place but not make an effort to do things outside. I have worked in the same place for the past twelves years across 3 different area's and have only 3 friends that I socialize with outside work.