Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by AHarvey, Sep 17, 2016.
Surely you do if you ever progress beyond internet-only contact
I find as I get older I don't want/need as many friends. My wife on the other hand seems to be going out more and wants more friends.
Its all a bit weird as it used to be the other way round.
Same with my friends and their wives. But women need constant attention/interaction, if it's from us or other women.
You noticed men have less friends but they are long term friends when it's the other way round for women.
i know it wasnt me quoted but in my case its not i dont want to talk its just i struggle to keep a flow going and in a group situation feel like im in a giant vice ,just want to escape
my ex is one of very few that i feel totally relaxed with ,but i always used to talk her into having a takeaway rather than a meal out because i feared that situation.
this is a big reason she is my ex ,does autism feel like this ?
got made redundant awhile back ,i was there 5 years and i did get comfortable with everyone (no stress walking into a full canteen and wondering where to sit ,i get this at first) but didnt make freinds ,more wattsapp contacts
what are friends ? just people you know .. ?
I can talk to anyone but don't like them round my house ..
strange I know. I have my wife my kids and my dog's this is enough for me ..
if I need to do something well I just do it .. sea fishing yeah .. talk to the complete stranger next to me yeah ..
friends are over rated ..we are just people
opposite for me. My secondary school friends are my closest and everyone else is just a standard, i thought that was a common thing.
Mod: please fix quote
I have a wife and and a son! That's my friendship circle! I get on will people at work and have gone out for a few beers etc.
Do I want them over to visit me at home?
You're welcome, my friend
Why does this seem sinister?
I've always preferred to have a very small but close number of friends rather than dozens of acquaintances. I can relate to what people have said already, as you get older the circle does indeed get a lot smaller but I think the quality and strength of those friendship bonds become more important and deeper as a result. At school and university I could find someone to hang out with or talk to at pretty much any hour of any day, I knew dozens if not hundreds of people. However now in life everything does usually require more forward planning but it is possible to have some spontaneous events. I've since moved to another country and whilst the frequency is less I do still keep in contact with my two best friends in the UK and when we do meet, even if it has been a long time, it's amazing that we can carry on right where we left off.
I have a small number of close friends in my new country and acquaintances at work and for me that combination is enough. I definitely agree that a friend is someone you trust implicitly, who knows you better than anyone else (sometimes even yourself!) and who can rely on for bidirectional support when it's needed. I do find it interesting that people who have family (Partner and kids etc) are so relaxed about saying their only social circle is their family, that should be a major worry I feel. Often people become so involved in their significant others (we can all be guilty of that in the early stages of a relationship mind) that we forget the importance of having relationships with others outside of that bubble, sometimes unfortunately it isn't realised until it's too late when everything has perhaps gone wrong and you are left with no-one close to you when it's needed most. Sometimes people think you can't but you can manage both, when I was in a long term relationship the majority of my friends became friends with my partner and we would attend social events together, but of course there were/are times when you want (and should) spend quality time with just your friends, strengthening those bonds (which hopefully will last for many years to come) with say banter over a cold beer or doing a group activity etc. It's all about balance as many things are.
If you're struggling to find people to make friends with, try joining a club or building on relationships with people you have things in common with at work. Suggest a post work beer or social event to people. Alcohol often helps to break down barriers (and some funny memories can be created!) The Meetup app is also a good way to meet new people and has hundreds of events throughout the country catering for all sorts of interests.
so many losers on here. what happens if you split up with your wife.
That's the worrying thing when looking through this thread "I dont have/need friends because I have my wife or my best friend is my wife".......Yeah until the marriage breaks down and who do you turn to then??? The last thing we need is another man posting in the Mental Health thread because they cant deal with the breakup and they have no physical friends to turn to apart from a bunch of strangers on a computer hardware forum. Or another men added onto the UK Male Suicide list. Is this what we have all come down to!?!!?
This guy I watch on YouTube always has this saying " Women Should Complement a Mans Life, Not Be The Focus"
Maybe a few guys on here should take that advice and just spend 5 minutes thinking about what direction their life is going, otherwise they could be in for a rude awakening.
Losers? Very clever.
I've already posted in this thread a long ways back, my issue was friends taking a step back from me while I'm in long term relationships, it's like they assume your not available anymore, anyway I can't say I'm desperate for friends, I've had periods in my life with them and without, you get through.
I get the simple approach, everyone comes and go including ourselves.
Yes it really is fortunate, seeing as we don't answer our door.
Also I don't own a car. And I live in one of those inner city streets where nobody knows their neighbour. We have a high occurance of burglaries and anti social behaviour. My neighbourhood is likely different from yours. We don't open our door.
why would your marriage break down ? 28 yrs here and still in love we talk and all sorts .. we just are ... maybe if you din't have loads of friends your marriage will last 2 ways to think about it ..
No point asking me, I've never been married because I don't believe in it
Can go in the OCUK Relationship thread and ask in there. Plenty of stories.
I find it not easy to get my head around that.
It never, ever, occurred to me, to believe or disbelieve in marriage, I rolled along, going through life, meeting a girl here, meeting a girl there, getting involved in relationships, then being single.
Eventually, after being in a long term relationship for many years, it dawned on me that this woman was the real deal.
We didn’t HAVE to marry, but being a lot older than her, I realised that if I “fell off the edge”, it would make her life a lot easier, vis-a-vis my bank accounts, if she had proof that she was my wife, so I asked her, and we got married.
A fair enough explanation I don’t exactly live in Paradise, but thank Christ I know plenty of our neighbours.
After reading OP's original comment, I'm kinda glad that I'm not the only one in almost exactly the same situation. I haven't had a real friend for well over 10 years since moving away.
My wife is very social and meets up regularly with friends she's made at work or studying, though none are super close.
I don't have any social issues apart from being introverted (if you can call that an issue), and one on one I can talk to people for hours. I guess my only concern is that if I do get friendly enough with someone to meet up with them outside of work, it's gotta be quite worrying for them to realise they're my only friend.
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