Does anyone else have no friends?

Steedie · 19 Sep 2016 at 15:44

I have a lot of friends that I've met via the forums and the gym rats meets, as well as bodybuilding shows that I'd call good friends. But they all live around the country. I see quite a few of them regularly but having a young family, I don't get as much time as I'd like so it's maybe one weekend in a month.

I don't really have any friends that are local, gets me down some times man, those feels.

Richdog · 19 Sep 2016 at 15:52

NinjaSeb said:
All people want to do is drink, talk about football and have 'banter'..no thanks I'll stick to having no friends because all that stuff bores me to tears.

Wow, I mean seriously, just wow. There are tons of people with varied interests out there, you just haven't made the effort to meet them.

Kemik · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:17

I moved to Reading for the gf. We broke up so I had maybe two friends I knew from work. Built that up and then they all moved to London. Decided to take up Touch Rugby and now see those guys more often than my old friends (twice a week usually). Still meet up with a neighbour that moved every few weeks too.

Generally though I'm quite similar - I enjoy my own company. It just get a bit down if there is no one around when you need them so thought a hobby would help. I had been the support for my current gf for over a year after her mum passed and I think things built up inside me. I hated the gym and climbing because I didn't fit in whereas Touch has been really welcoming and I've loved it.

p.s. socialising doesn't need to involve drinking. Just be around people who do things together that isn't drinking.

Kreeeee · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:22

Efour · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:33

Coke head

On Holiday · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:34

"I don't have friends, I got family"

krooton · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:45

My social circle isn't anywhere near as big as it was when I was clubbing heavy in my 20s, but they were more large scale acquaintences I could have a laugh with.

I have 1 best friend, who lives in a different hemisphere, but we have been best friends for more than half our lives. More like brother and sister really.

3 close friends. Ones I have been on multiple holidays with, who know me deep down, who I would do anything for and vice versa.

Then about 6 other good friends who are a mixture of work colleagues and my gf's friends who I get on with really well.

So add my gf and that make 11 friends, out of 400ish Facebook ones.

krooton · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:50

AndyCr15 said:
This might be stating the obvious a little, but I guess we're not exactly getting a true cross section of the populous here. The guys that sit at their computers on a forum are saying they have no (real) friends? Surprise! (And that includes myself, I'm not having a pop)

I wonder if we had a bunch of people that don't really use computers and sit at them online all day, we'd get a very different response?

I'm just saying, on the one hand a lot of us are going 'oh good, it's not just me then', but actually that's not to say it's particularly 'normal'?

Well, my social 'peak' so to speak was when I was very active on 3 different clubbing forums.

Most of those relationships fizzled out as Facebook grew and killed off said forums.

VincentHanna · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:54

Richdog said:
Wow, I mean seriously, just wow. There are tons of people with varied interests out there, you just haven't made the effort to meet them.

Kreeeee said:
Are you OK? You seem to be quite passive (and sometimes directly) aggressive on these forums over the past few days.

There is nothing remotely aggressive about what Richdog said there.

More surprise at somebodys attitude towards what they think friendship is vs reality.

SC0TTRS · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:55

4 close friends who I grew up with, school, work, uni, family, we all see each other whenever we can. Why would anything stop your friendship? Its all about making the effort.

Richdog · 19 Sep 2016 at 16:58

Kreeeee said:
Are you OK? You seem to be quite passive (and sometimes directly) aggressive on these forums over the past few days.

Are you OK? You seem to be finding offence in things where no offence should be found, over the past few days.

PS: Seriously though Kreeeee, my posting style hasn't changed over the last 10+ years, so please don't ask me silly questions. Ta.

VincentHanna said:
There is nothing remotely aggressive about what Richdog said there.

More surprise at somebodys attitude towards what they think friendship is vs reality.

Precisely this.

Ocean Breeze · 19 Sep 2016 at 17:54

My two main hobbies are PC gaming and cycling and I am yet to find anyone with the same interests as me in the very large company I work for. I have been there nearly 6 years.

Those two activities are not exactly the most niche activities ever. At work I just feel like I am on a different wavelength to most people. Everyone watches Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad..I watch Scandinavian TV series. I just find I am always different to the vast majority of people.

It seems you need a lot of luck to make friends when your interests are a bit different to the norm. Your age and the age of people around you has major role to play as well.

I could join a cycling club but they are full middle aged men who will want to stop at the pub or there are the the Tour de France wannabes who take everything too seriously trying to out do everyone all the time.

It's a good job I love my own company, but it would be nice to share interests with real people sometimes and not just on forums.

Psymonkee · 19 Sep 2016 at 18:17

I feel as though I don't have many friends at all these days. Probably 5 or less I keep in touch with from school and I think 2 of them may not talk to me based on my political leanings in recent years which isn't great news.

I'm friendly with people at work but the chances of seeing them outside of work other than work socials? Hell no!

Buffman · 19 Sep 2016 at 18:36

Steedie said:
I don't really have any friends that are local, gets me down some times man, those feels.

Bro I know that feel. All my mates are in Glasgow. In the 2 years since getting jobs out of uni and moving Glasgow > Cambridge > Solihull, I've barely picked up any mates (1 in Cambridge). Had loads more in uni!

acharris · 19 Sep 2016 at 18:47

I have no close friends these day and I am 39. My best mate of 25 years moved away to other side of country after leaving his partner 15 years and 2 kids back 5 years ago to get married married to a woman he met on Yoville (the FB game lol)

Couple of months after that I was lucky to find a few friends at my work, but people left etc so the group parted. And now I got no friends to go out with, or GF for that matter. Got work mates and people I keep in touch with from a Astronomy course, but I don't go out to cinema, etc as it is pretty rubbish on your own all the time .

Housey · 19 Sep 2016 at 19:10

I've always been lucky with friends and I still have a large connection with the boys and girls I grew up with, both the ones I lived near when I was 9 to 16 and then the ones I sort of did the growing up with. Do I see them often no, but we all catch up (20 or so close buddies) a couple of times a year and sadly, for the first time on the 30th of this month when the first of us has a funeral. I see so many people who have so few friends, long term ones, people you saw every day when you were growing up, who you have known for 30 years, who you have seen grown, marry, have kids. I've have loads of acquaintances, people I've known more recently and 1 or 2 become close friends, but most are just mates. But the ones I grew up with are the close ones and I am lucky that we all were level headed enough to keep in touch, even now many live across the planet.

I think people who have not had that have missed out on something, but then I have heard the same when people talk to my wife and I about kids......assuming it was our choice not to have any. Good friends are fantastic at your time of need and it's great to be there at theirs too.

helpimcrap · 19 Sep 2016 at 21:22

I have 4 close friends, a few others and lots of acquaintances. I'm in a weird situation because I lost my whole way of life in 1 accident and that changed relationship, friendships, hobbies, career and other things. I've been fighting my way back since but I am a different person because my head injury changed me and I'm still, after 8 years, trying to figure out who i am. Because of the head injury I suffer extremes of emotion and minor forms of OCD etc. I find it hard to make friends as I just can't tolerate the people I meet. I think about what I've done - and I've done lots but it still leaves me wanting. I manage to screw things up without even realising.

Ricochet J · 19 Sep 2016 at 21:30

In this thread:

Angilion · 19 Sep 2016 at 21:59

Shampoo said:
I've got no friends. Nothing malicious, I just always preferred my own company as a child and as I got older I never really changed. I obviously know and interact with others and it's all civil and jovial enough, but not one actual friend. No one I'd rely on or be able to talk about anything important and certainly wouldn't visit them or expect them to knock on my door ever.

It is what it is. My partner on the other hand seems to know 100 people. Outside of business I have no need for a mobile phone. It never rings for social reasons!

Same here.

It used to bother me, but I no longer feel much of a requirement to conform to the norm in every respect.

Angilion · 19 Sep 2016 at 22:17

AndyCr15 said:
This might be stating the obvious a little, but I guess we're not exactly getting a true cross section of the populous here. The guys that sit at their computers on a forum are saying they have no (real) friends? Surprise! (And that includes myself, I'm not having a pop)

I wonder if we had a bunch of people that don't really use computers and sit at them online all day, we'd get a very different response?

I'm just saying, on the one hand a lot of us are going 'oh good, it's not just me then', but actually that's not to say it's particularly 'normal'?

From what I see nowadays, people here probably spend less time on their computers than average. Look around and see how often people are using their "phones", which nowadays are computers that can be used as a phone but usually aren't (and aren't very good as a phone because they're not designed to be a phone).

You might well get a different response from a representative sample, but would it be a more honest and accurate one? It's accepted usage nowadays to refer to very casual acquaintances who you don't know and maybe have never even spoken with as "friends". There's no chance that everyone would be using "friend" to mean the same thing. You'd also get people lying in order to pretend to conform to strong norms. There's less of that here.