This is unfortunately the key. Things may get semi resolved now - some kind of agreement that things will be adjusted to even things out. But the same thing is likely to happen over and over again as the sister dips into the mother's resources until the mother sadly passes away and the OP is left with very little. The only way the OP can try to prevent it will likely lead to a huge family rift and there's little certainty of the outcome. Really sucks when someone in your family does this.
Family dispute incoming
- Thread starter potatolord
- Start date
Soldato
Hopefully you get it sorted. Glad to hear you are on good terms with your mum, and it was shady stuff on your sisters side.
Soldato
Pretty much this. OP needs to be very vigilant if the sister is this underhanded.
Absolutley... but will the mother want the stress and further animosity?
Assuming the remainder of the estate is worth in excess of 300k, then the path of least resistance it to re-write the will in favour of the OP, cutting the sister out and calling it a day.
But, we're assuming there won't be substantial care fees at the end... your're looking at a minimum £700 per week for care home fees, and that's at the very cheapest end, so it can into the estate very fast, whilst the sister is sitting pretty in her 300k house with her 10k hierloom.
It's a right old mess, to be sure! but at least now the OP knows what's what and can hopefully address things.
EDIT, in fact, the best thing to do, would be for the OP and his mum to make an appointment with a 'wills & probate' solicitor (most if not all will do a free consultation and you might end up paying £300-£500 for a new will), lay the cards on the table, warts and all, and see what advice they can give. This is really critical, as a properly written & witnessed will, will be water tight.
For example, a clause could be inserted specifically saying why the sister gets nothing, due to xxxxx), then it will not be open to legal challenge from the sister during probate.
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Do you need anymore though?
A free 300k house when young?
Or a million when old?
I'll take the 300k every time.
If she really is as the OP has told us. No way she'd give anything up for "some" later.
Don't forget the (ten years? rent free?) and the 10k heirloom she also snaffled.., let's call it 'ze painting of ze fallen madonna wiz zee big boobies'.
The sister must be feeling very smug with herself after ripping of her own mother, and brother....
I hope the OP updates us, as it's a really horrible situation for him, as I'm sure he's worried about stressing his mum out, nevermind realising his sister is a parasite...
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Soldato
Whilst I agree it looks like sis is a wrong un, I would still love to hear what she has to say. I try and remember 'no one ever thinks they're the bad guy'. In other words, people always have a justification that makes their actions right, to them. I would love to know what sis' justification is.
Anyway, now you kind of know your mums side of the story, and you started this by saying your aunt was dropping hints, I would go back to your aunt and describe your mum chat to her and find out exactly what your aunt really knows about all this, and go from there. If I was a betting man I'd bet there is still more to dig up here.
Yeah, most of the stuff in here is silly, both the earlier replies telling the OP he was greedy and now the mind reading/speculation thinking the worst of the sister from at best partial information. If anything the mum has some blame here but seemingly isn't too bright or just didn't think things through properly.
The thing to do is just to try and keep things fair and transparent - trip to an IFA to go through what has been given and to propose up a 50/50 split (there is some subjectivity there; presumably the free rent isn't included, also is the house "gift" based on value at the time or future value of the asset that would otherwise have still been in the estate - but that's all a bit more trivial relative to the fact the huge gift was given).
Ultimately it isn't something super complicated, it's just got some subjectivity to it and it's probably better for the mum to declare the intent to divide things "equally" and for that to have been drawn up by an impartial third party contracted by her and not by some plan proposed by either OP or his sister. That's the important bit, impartial third party + 50/50 split and then no surprises and neither OP or sister can't have any (reasonable) complaints about it.
Soldato
Hope it all gets resolved. The thing that would be awful too is the mum going into a home and her assets sold to pay for care, so the Op gets nothing. Maybe that could be looked into a way to protect them?
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Soldato
No you don't go for the jugular... You go in nice and calm and ask questions. Give them even more chance to dig that hole even deeper/more rope to hang themselves and then you pull the noose tight by calling them out on all the previous crap and the newly said lies and deceit they spout trying to wriggle out of it.
Yes, I would be a right "see you next Tuesday"
No you don't go for the jugular... You go in nice and calm and ask questions. Give them even more chance to dig that hole even deeper/more rope to hang themselves and then you pull the noose tight by calling them out on all the previous crap and the newly said lies and deceit they spout trying to wriggle out of it.
Yes, I would be a right "see you next Tuesday"
That's just really, really bad advice.
There's no need to deliberately be sneaky or to be a self-described "see you next Tuesday" about it. It's much better to try and resolve the situation than to add to it, after all, there is still an elderly woman caught in the middle of this, she's seemingly already distressed by what has happened and petty revenge fantasies are not going to help anyone.
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I hope they do this, it's sensible. That said, let's see what the sister's reaction is once she realises she's getting much less than she expected in future. There's a reason why inheritances split up families and logic and fairness has little to do with it.
Soldato
Is it any worse advice as "going for the jugular"
Before I end up circling some hole here - "Going for the jugular" is, as far as I am concerned, immediately going on the attack with no quarter given.... As you say - after all, there is still an elderly woman caught in the middle of this, she's seemingly already distressed by what has happened and her children going for the jugular are not going to help anyone.
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Soldato
Did we get a conclusion to this subject yet?
Soldato
What a drama!
If your mum is in receptive to it, I would suggest getting a LPA. Whether this is you or a solicitor is up to you both to decide, but your mum can confidently tell your sister that its no longer her decision any more. I would also look into financial abuse by your sister. Your mum needs to have a frank discussion with you and possibly a representative from age uk. I really hope it all works out for your family, its not something I would want to be in the middle of.
If your mum is in receptive to it, I would suggest getting a LPA. Whether this is you or a solicitor is up to you both to decide, but your mum can confidently tell your sister that its no longer her decision any more. I would also look into financial abuse by your sister. Your mum needs to have a frank discussion with you and possibly a representative from age uk. I really hope it all works out for your family, its not something I would want to be in the middle of.
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Soldato
I would assume she probably went down the line of what happens if the mother needed to go into care and if the house was still in mother's name they'd be forced to sell it to pay for the carehome bill, leaving sister with no FREE home.