Funny jokes? No, literally none in here.

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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a
German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner, a New
Englander, and a Californian)an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a
Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New
Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a
Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a
Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a
Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a
Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a
Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a
Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a
Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a
Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, a Aruban, an
Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a
Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an
Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a
Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Ecuadorian, a Costa
Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a
Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans walk into a fine
restaurant....

"I'm sorry," said the maître d', after he had scrutinized the group one
by one and barred their entrance saying....

"You can't come in here without a Thai."


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My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a little splint out of a couple of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.
 
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I went to a zoo with only 1 dog in the middle of it.

It was a shitzu.

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I think my wife is stealing from the side of the motorway.

I looked in her cupboard and saw all the usual signs ...
 
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I was on a romantic holiday and walked out of my apartment and down to the beach. Standing there was the most amazing sexy women you've ever seen. As our eyes met there was this beautiful electricity between us, and we seemed to make an instant and deep connection.

As we lay by the water making love I quietly thought to myself ....





'Those tazers are well worth the money'.
 
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[FnG]magnolia;20131012 said:
Q : What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A : A polar bear.

___

"My grandfather lived till he was 96. He lived a long, full, happy life. If I had to pick the way I'd want to go, I'd like to end up how my grandfather died: he just sat down in a chair, leaned back, closed his eyes, and went to sleep.

Mind you, his dentist **** himself."

___

Q : How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A : AIDS

___

Q : What's the difference between a Mercedes Benz and a Hyundai?

A : Princess Di wouldn't be seen dead in a Hyundai.

___

Q : If Stephen Hawking won a medal for his mind, what did he win for his muscles?

A : Atrophy

___


I was sobbing tears of disgust as I typed these :(
What a thoroughly upsetting experience that was.

Thread got better though :cool:
 
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conjunctivitis.com. A site for sore eyes

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I started a new job last week as a comedian in an old folks home, i tell them jokes...they dont understand me but they still p**s themselves.

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If a girl sleeps with 5 guys in a year, she's called a ****.

Yet if a guy does it, he's considered a "Homosexual".

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I saw Count Down yesterday.

He's Dracula's spastic brother.
 
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My grandads started taking viagra recently, the other day he had mistakenly took some tippex, he had a HUGE correction!

seems he can only get a boner by dippping his willy in a warm cup of water..... aint my cup of tea.
 
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Why do deaf girls masturbate with one hand?

So they can moan with the other.

14-me-gusta-22vmrft-290x300.png
 
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One day Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," he said, "I have a problem - my wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mrs Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work.
"And who pray made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" Mrs Jones cried as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mrs. Jones," said the minister.

Soon, Mrs Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mr. Jones.
"God!" Mrs Jones cried out as she was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling.

Before long, Mrs Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet his wife with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mr. Jones poked his wife, who yelled, "You stick that damned thing in me one more time and I’ll break it off and shove it up your ass!"

thread saved
 
Soldato
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Hitler wasn't such a bad guy.

After all, he did kill Hitler.

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The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat.




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Wife: Hi, did you eat?
Me: Did you eat?
Wife: Are you copying me?
Me: Are you copying me?
Wife: I love you!
Me: Yes, I already ate.


----------------------------

Marriage: Betting someone half your **** that you'll love them forever.


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