Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this!Funny jokes? No, literally none in here.
- Thread starter [FnG]magnolia
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Glad I'm not the only one who thinks this!
Associate
Have you put the cheque in the post to Frankie Boyle for using his gags.........
Associate
Because everyone else is is writing their own material right?
These are bad!...very bad...so bad I'm going to tell a good one:
A wife is on top of her husband doing "the business" when their little lad walks in, sees them and walks off again.
Distraught and feeling guilty the wife wraps herself in the sheet and decides to "explain" to her son what he saw.
She walks up to him and says, "I was just jumping on your daddy's tummy to make it smaller"
The boy looks at her confused and says, "There's no point in doing that because when your at work, the lady comes from next store and blows it back up again".
...please don't ask for explanations!
A wife is on top of her husband doing "the business" when their little lad walks in, sees them and walks off again.
Distraught and feeling guilty the wife wraps herself in the sheet and decides to "explain" to her son what he saw.
She walks up to him and says, "I was just jumping on your daddy's tummy to make it smaller"
The boy looks at her confused and says, "There's no point in doing that because when your at work, the lady comes from next store and blows it back up again".
...please don't ask for explanations!These are bad!...very bad...so bad I'm going to tell a good one:
A wife is on top of her husband doing "the business" when their little lad walks in, sees them and walks off again.
Distraught and feeling guilty the wife wraps herself in the sheet and decides to "explain" to her son what he saw.
She walks up to him and says, "I was just jumping on your daddy's tummy to make it smaller"
The boy looks at her confused and says, "There's no point in doing that because when your at work, the lady comes from next store and blows it back up again".
classic chubby brown joke
Caporegime
A Teacher asked her class of seven year olds if anyone could explain the meaning of the word contagious.
Little Shannon put her hand in the air and says "When I was five I had chickenpox and had to stay at home because the doctor told my mother chickenpox was contagious."
The teacher replied "Yes Shannon that is a very good example well done."
Then young Seamus put his hand in the air and said "My next door neighbour was painting the outside of her house with a 2 inch paintbrush.... and my dad said that it will take the contagious!"
Little Shannon put her hand in the air and says "When I was five I had chickenpox and had to stay at home because the doctor told my mother chickenpox was contagious."
The teacher replied "Yes Shannon that is a very good example well done."
Then young Seamus put his hand in the air and said "My next door neighbour was painting the outside of her house with a 2 inch paintbrush.... and my dad said that it will take the contagious!"
Caporegime
Krooton that's great!
Soldato
So the barman says "We don't serve faster than light particles in here"
A neutrino walks into a bar.
A neutrino walks into a bar.
very clever
Soldato
The missus came home steaming drunk last night.
"You up for some role play action, babe?" she asked with a wink.
"Not really," I replied.
"Oh, come on," she said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror...
As I shouted, "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.
"You up for some role play action, babe?" she asked with a wink.
"Not really," I replied.
"Oh, come on," she said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror...
As I shouted, "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.
...... That took me a while!
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How does Batman's mum call him downstairs for his dinner?
She doesn't. She was murdered.
She doesn't. She was murdered.
Permabanned
Associate
A little girl walks up to her mum and asks her: "Mummy, why am I called daisy?"
Her mum replys "Because when you were a baby a daisy fell on your head"
Her other daughter walks in and asks: "Mummy, why am I called rosie?"
Mother replies: "Because when you were a baby a rose fell on your head"
Then her brother walks in and goes: "OOOH AAAARGH ROOAAH (retard noises)"
Mother shouts: "SHUT UP FRIDGE!"
Her mum replys "Because when you were a baby a daisy fell on your head"
Her other daughter walks in and asks: "Mummy, why am I called rosie?"
Mother replies: "Because when you were a baby a rose fell on your head"
Then her brother walks in and goes: "OOOH AAAARGH ROOAAH (retard noises)"
Mother shouts: "SHUT UP FRIDGE!"
I don't get it
The polar bear ate the seal?
Man of Honour
A mechanic was found drinking brake fluid while at work. They admitted that they drank a bit of brake fluid half a dozen times per day, but said they weren't addicted to it - they could stop at any time.
Soldato
I've just seen an article on the local news about a freak motorcycle accident. I really hope the freak is OK.
Soldato
I reckon that one would be improved by changing the punchline to "a bloody polar bear".