Funny jokes? No, literally none in here.

I was sat watching the hanging of saddam hussein the other other day, And I thought to myself Is there anything on the net I wont crack one off to
 
These are bad!...very bad...so bad I'm going to tell a good one:

A wife is on top of her husband doing "the business" when their little lad walks in, sees them and walks off again.
Distraught and feeling guilty the wife wraps herself in the sheet and decides to "explain" to her son what he saw.
She walks up to him and says, "I was just jumping on your daddy's tummy to make it smaller"
The boy looks at her confused and says, "There's no point in doing that because when your at work, the lady comes from next store and blows it back up again".

:D...please don't ask for explanations!
 
These are bad!...very bad...so bad I'm going to tell a good one:

A wife is on top of her husband doing "the business" when their little lad walks in, sees them and walks off again.
Distraught and feeling guilty the wife wraps herself in the sheet and decides to "explain" to her son what he saw.
She walks up to him and says, "I was just jumping on your daddy's tummy to make it smaller"
The boy looks at her confused and says, "There's no point in doing that because when your at work, the lady comes from next store and blows it back up again".

:D...please don't ask for explanations!

classic chubby brown joke
 
A Teacher asked her class of seven year olds if anyone could explain the meaning of the word contagious.

Little Shannon put her hand in the air and says "When I was five I had chickenpox and had to stay at home because the doctor told my mother chickenpox was contagious."

The teacher replied "Yes Shannon that is a very good example well done."

Then young Seamus put his hand in the air and said "My next door neighbour was painting the outside of her house with a 2 inch paintbrush.... and my dad said that it will take the contagious!"
 
The missus came home steaming drunk last night.
"You up for some role play action, babe?" she asked with a wink.
"Not really," I replied.
"Oh, come on," she said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror...

As I shouted, "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.
 
A little girl walks up to her mum and asks her: "Mummy, why am I called daisy?"
Her mum replys "Because when you were a baby a daisy fell on your head"
Her other daughter walks in and asks: "Mummy, why am I called rosie?"
Mother replies: "Because when you were a baby a rose fell on your head"
Then her brother walks in and goes: "OOOH AAAARGH ROOAAH (retard noises)"
Mother shouts: "SHUT UP FRIDGE!"
 
A mechanic was found drinking brake fluid while at work. They admitted that they drank a bit of brake fluid half a dozen times per day, but said they weren't addicted to it - they could stop at any time.
 
I've just seen an article on the local news about a freak motorcycle accident. I really hope the freak is OK.
 
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