Grief & Loss

Wizzkidy

Wizzkidy

Wizzkidy

Associate
Joined
25 Jun 2003
Posts
2,057
Hi All,

Most of you don't know me. I am not an active poster, but I have been on these forums since the nuke and before. 6 days ago my wife of 39 passed away suddenly. It was a heart attack caused by a blockage. I was downstairs making the dinner for my 5 children and she was resting after feeling unwell and was awaiting an ambulance after phoning 111. It's only been 6 days and I am now having to support the house, children and many other things I had very little involvement in ( that I regret massively now) I took everything for granted prior to this, my wife did everything for the children and had the patience of a saint. I am at a complete loss at the moment. I have had a couple of OK days but mainly I have been in complete disbelief of the situation. Unfortunately my 8 year old saw everything I was doing (CPR) as he came into the room, all of this was in vain though as I suspect she had been gone for a period of time before I went back upstairs. The paramedics eventually arrived and took over but it was far too late. She was the rock of the family and I was just the person who worked and provided. All my children adored her and saw me as just a annoyance I expect.

I have barely had time to think anything through, my main concern is the children of course and I have managed to get the little ones back to school all this week after the event last week, it's not been easy but the school has been very supportive. The older two is harder and I will need to work on these two.

Thank you for reading

From
Ben (me)
Rowan
Juliet
Hugh
Thomas
Marie

In loving memory of Michelle.
 
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dirtychinchilla said:
So sorry to hear that. I can't imagine the shock you must be feeling.

Would you share roughly where you are in case anyone can help you out physically?
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Sure, I am in Hertfordshire. I have my wife's family support and from some friends. Some people have been having the children here and there. I have not had much time for anything but the kids up to now really.
 
Absolutely brutal reading, can't imagine what you're going through.

The only advice I can give is to lean on people for support as much as possible and don't beat yourself up over things you could/should have done.
 
Sorry to hear mate, horrible thing to have to go through on the lead up to Christmas.

Thoughts are with you and the family at this difficult time.
 
So so sorry to hear this. I won't pretend to understand what you are going through.

She was only 39 did I read that right?

Hits home when you hear real stories of people sadly passing at such a young age.
I'm just 39 myself and you just don't expect anything like this then.


Try not to regret the past and think about "if only" I know it's hard.
Get counselling, see the GP, lean on family/friends/here, keep busy if you can. Anything to keep your head above water.

Again, so sorry to hear this.
 
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Sorry to hear what you and your family have been through recently mate. Traumatic experience to say the least.

Dont' forget to look after yourself, it's easy to miss that when you are focused on the kids.

The good memories will be back in full force, time heals, just give yourself time.
 
I have no words. I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. Do post here and reach out for help I'm sure people will be more than happy to share their time to support you. If I lived closer I'd offer you some time/help.

Take care and try and stay strong. This is going to be a tough time.
 
Nothing to say other than I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now.

I'm hardly a long term member here in the grand scheme of things but I'm sure I can say that everyone in this community would be here for you.
 
Thank you all for your kind words. It's early I know but the hardest part is the children's grief. It absolutely kills me. Bedtimes are the hardest.

I only have two friends from over the years but they have been great, I have known them for 20 years.

This has changed my mindset and seeing the outpouring of support gives me strength that lots of people care.

I will never forgive myself for not being there at the time and being downstairs
 
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Nightmare scenario but it sounds like your doing as well as you can. One day at a time and always remember your stronger than you think you are.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss.

Wizzkidy said:
She was the rock of the family and I was just the person who worked and provided. All my children adored her and saw me as just a annoyance I expect.
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Working and providing for your family so that they can continue to live their lives, should not be undervalued. It's ok to have different roles in a family. I bet they don't see you as an annoyance. If they don't now, they will come to value in time what you provided. I bet they love you very much.
 
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