Grief & Loss

I'm with @robfosters, reading this made my heart ache for you.. Just the thought of it, and what you and your children are going through made me tear up..

As others have said, just keep going, one day at a time, be there for your children and don't be afraid to express your own loss to them, especially the older ones.

We're all here, albeit it in a digital form, to help so if you want to shout or just someone to tell you it's ok, post on here.. it may not be much, but it may help a little..

R.
 
My word, sometimes life is so cruel, deepest condolences to you and your family, hopefully you find the good times you shared together some comfort in the very dark days you are feeling right now.
 
Wizzkidy I'm so so sorry to hear this. I wish you and your family all the best and send you my sincerest condolences. If ever you need a should to cry on or an ear to yell at, please feel free to contact me.
 
I am so sorry to hear this, I can't imagine the grief you are going through, nor the challenges you face for you and all your children. I would say that you should accept all the help that people have offered to you now and take it 1 hour, 1 day at a time.

Also, don't beat yourself up over being downstairs, it's not like you were down the pub, you were just cooking.
 
Sorry to hear this. 39 is very young. You mentioned not being able to forgive yourself for being downstairs, and its easy for outsiders to say, but you can't beat yourself up about that. Why would anyone think this would be anything close to fatal at that age and no previous concerns. Hopefully you'll come to terms with that at some point.

The importance, as you already know, is your kids. Big upheaval for everyone but they need to know that everything else is stable and safe and are protected, at least for the immediate time, from any other big changes..

Lastly - don't neglect your own grief. You will want to be strong and project a safe environment for your kids but that doesn't mean you have to shut your own grief out. By all means, take time alone when you feel it building if you dont want your kids to see it, but dont ignore it.
 
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Wizzkidy said:
Thank you all for your kind words. It's early I know but the hardest part is the children's grief. It absolutely kills me. Bedtimes are the hardest.

I only have two friends from over the years but they have been great, I have known them for 20 years.

This has changed my mindset and seeing the outpouring of support gives me strength that lots of people care.

I will never forgive myself for not being there at the time and being downstairs
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It's hard , but you didn't know it would lead to this, even if you were at the bottom, you couldn't have done anything with a blockage.

My mother died the same way at the bottom of the stairs after saying she felt really funny, you just don't expect that to escalate to what happened next

Hopefully one crum of comfort ( it's about her dying if you want to carry on ) is that my mum died pretty quickly during this, she didn't suffer for long, just laid back and kind of went away.

Don't kick yourself, you couldn't have known, or helped..

Now I'm a dad I always wonder what I would do if my missus passed away, I guess it's just going to be a tough journey and hopefully with support and time you will get through this, hopefully with the support you mentioned you will.

Hugs.
 
Sorry for your loss, it's not easy, been through a few losses myself over the last few years. The main advice I can give, echoing what others have said, is some form of bereavement counselling for the kids. I've seen the effects of loss/turmoil affect kids down the line, even when they seemed fine. Also you need to look after YOU! Get whatever professional support you can, even if you think you don't need it. The kids need their dad to be well, now and in the future.
 
Dsteviedee said:
Sorry for your loss, it's not easy, been through a few losses myself over the last few years. The main advice I can give, echoing what others have said, is some form of bereavement counselling for the kids. I've seen the effects of loss/turmoil affect kids down the line, even when they seemed fine. Also you need to look after YOU! Get whatever professional support you can, even if you think you don't need it. The kids need their dad to be well, now and in the future.
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I'm lucky as I have private health care for myself and the kids so I have already had one therapy session and have that booked in for the next 6 weeks for myself. I was awaiting the schools to start something but I have been told that funding isn't available for this anymore, so I will be going through my private heath care for the kids as well. This shocked me really as this happens to a lot of children and to not have funding to do anything in school is crazy.

One day at a time, although I am really struggling with the kids uniform and getting it all out for the next day at the moment, So many clothes and there all everywhere, my wife had her own way.

Unfortunately I am being triggered from everything in the house, everything reminds me of her and it just hurts all the damn time. I forget for a moment when I am busy, but the dread and pain returns within 10 minutes and I am a complete mess.

I cannot get the images out of my head of Michelle on the floor while I tried to save her life when I knew it was too late

EDIT - I am thinking the funeral is going to be very expensive, money I just do not have. I was absolutely not expecting the outpouring of support to get the number the just giving page has got too, absolutely stunned
 
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So sorry to hear of your loss and what you are going through right now. Please try not to beat yourself up, as others have said, however I know all to well this advice isn't the easiest to follow. If you can really try to focus on the positives you've provided as a father to your children over the years. I do get during these very emotional times it will be difficult to see those positives.

Something you could try for your childrens clothing. Name tags are OK but if you don't have those buy yourself a pack of coloured sharpie pens. Chose a colour for each child. Put that colour dot on each of their labels, it'll make identifying whose is whose easier, if they're wearing the same coloured uniform. I only have two children to contend with so nowhere near what you have to but I try to keep on top of having their clothes in place etc. You will get yourself into a routine eventually, it just takes time. I am happy to hear you're getting support too fella.

Just remember you're doing the best you can and I think if you're already doing a fantastic job by getting the children to school. Give yourself some praise, you deserve it!
 
so sorry to hear about your loss , it made me tear up reading it. be strong and in digital sense we are here for you.

thoughts to you and your entire family
 
Jesus Christ sorry to read this.
You have family near which is good for you and the kids.
Honestly nothing i can say.
You'll get through it.
Grandma's and grandpas are super important
 
Diddums said:
I do hope that your perception of this "joke of a community" has changed a bit ;)
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Hi,

This was a silly comment. I know and of course I appreciate anyone that decides to come in this thread and supports. I can only say I am sorry for the silly comment. I managed to get the 3 little ones to school all week this week and one of the older ones back today. I only have Juliet (10) to get back to school Monday, but she has taken this the hardest. She thinks this is my fault
 
Wizzkidy said:
Hi,

This was a silly comment. I know and of course I appreciate anyone that decides to come in this thread and supports. I can only say I am sorry for the silly comment. I managed to get the 3 little ones to school all week this week and one of the older ones back today. I only have Juliet (10) to get back to school Monday, but she has taken this the hardest. She thinks this is my fault
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It's not your fault mate and I fully appreciate your situation, I just wanted to highlight that this community is possibly one of the best on the internet, not what you thought it was before ;)

Hope the day's ok, I can't begin to fathom what you're going through.
 
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