guy at work really hates me for no particular reason

Begbie said:
No it's nonsense, lets not go to the gym in case my confidence increases. What?

Your new confidence isn't going to change a person in to a fist throwing lunatic is it? If you're not an idiot in the first place increasing your confidence won't do that to you. Plus people don't work like that, your confidence won't increase over night it takes time and some work.
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Oh lawd, that's what you think I said?

I'm saying going to that to increase his confidence in this specific area isn't going to be particularly productive. Martial arts can often give people a completely false sense of confidence as it often teaches technique > strength, which isn't a good mentality to have.

I never once said doing them to increase confidence in general is a bad idea, it was the assertions of doing these things specifically that had connotations of physical confrontation.
 
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I have experienced the office 'wolf pack' mentality. Like many have mentioned, it appears you have three options, ignore and rise above showing you are not taking the bait. In practice you have to be quite emotionally strong to do so, since you are playing them at their own game, reverse psychology and all that, however, things may escalate since you are winding them up even more, however, you are thinking the long game, whereby, bullies move on to new victims when bored.

The second option, report via official channels, HR etc, the risk is that the perpetrators will likely be subject disciplinary proceedings and there is a risk that you will be seen as a snitch.

Finally, confront. If you are thinking about planting him one, you got to be prepared to accept the consequences - You could be fired, its an offence etc. Alternatively, put simply, ask him what his problem is?

I opted to speak to the culprit by carefully choosing the moment. I made no fuss, spoke calmly (no threats etc) the guy involved was flabbergasted, floundered, totally off guard and unable to provide any logical explanation. I have my own views on the reasons why, insecurity, jealousy etc. However some people from day 1 can take an instant dislike to others for no logical reason other than they judged somebody and nothing will ever change their views.

In the end, things did improve, the sniping desisted and we tolerated each other - Good luck, I hope things work out.
 
majnu said:
Get your keyboard and start typing frantically infront of him.
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Then;

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Grow some balls and just do what you've gotta do and if this fella doesn't like you then who cares?

[edited - You go too far.. ]
 
gogopops said:
Hi,

Bit of a weird one. This guy at work hates me and I don't have a reason why.

I mean I'm very shy and quite a introvert, bit insecure and he is the exact opposite. Outgoing, chatty, confident and very popular around the office.
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Ok I haven't read the whole thread but you've kind on answered your own question. You are shy, he's not. He's secure/confident you're not. He's picked up on it and is doing what he does, bullying people like you.

Ignore or confront, it the only way.
 
Thanks for the comments.

I think I'm just not going to do anything since he's going away for a few months which means I can just forget about it till he returns. I know this seems like such a highschool scenario and I'm actually embarrassed.

The two things that bother me a bit is again what he did yesterday and trying to influence his opinion of me on that new girl and that I can see what he's really like when the other people cannot.

It's just a collection of minor things he's did in the last few months that awoken me to his hate for me, nothing that would be HR worthy. (except the communicator chat) but again he's always on there starting group chats without me so I'm assuming maybe that's not the first time he's talked behind my back.

Honestly can handle his opinions and comments. I have the ability to 'man up' and confront him but what would it achieve? that I'm not intimidated? perhaps but again I don't need to prove anything.

Who knows though we'll see how today goes. anything could happen!

Thanks again.
 
From my personal experience of people like this, I either confront them (which takes them by surpsise) or act as though I am not aware of their hostility towards me and just treat / speak to them as you would anyone else, which at worsy confuses them and at best, changes their opinion of you.
 
gogopops said:
but again he's always on there starting group chats without me
Thanks again.
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That is a big HR issue though. Excluding people from a group in the workplace for purely personal reasons won't be tolerated - your personal feelings have no place at work as far as your employer is concerned.

There are a few people at work I absolutely hate (with very good reason) but they have no idea I feel that way about them as I know that while I'm here the work needs to be done without complication. Luckily there are 500 people so it's not like I deal with them regularly but HR would very much like to know if someone is disrupting the team in this way.

What if you let it go, get excluded more and more, everyone starts thinking of you the same way and then your work suffers? You end up shafted for nothing so I'd deff bring it up. If he takes it badly it'll only make it worse on him - you'd be the one trying to help the company and resolve the issue.
 
lick him.


licking people makes them either really like you or really hate you.

so since he already hates you it's completely risk free!
 
Op - ignore the goon and carry on.

Bring too introverted in a workplace can attract the wrong sort of attention unfortunately. Hopefully you aren't just sitting at your desk all day talking to nobody most of the time.
 
He clearly thinks he is very "Alpha" and has identified you as clearly non alpha.

He will use you to make himself look and feel more important and powerfull because you are an easy target. All the while you continue to be an easy target he will exploit that.

And tbh the facebook thing? This isn't highschool musical. You are at work at what I asume to be a professional environment.

You either need to asimilate into his clicky group and still be his whipping boy or continue on your own path and not give a toss what the jumped up muppet thinks.

I have been in your situation before, as harsh and empty as it sounds, you have got to man up.
 
I imagine someone's already posted this, but the simple thing would be to tell him he is being a bit of a (let's say jerk) and to stop it. Add that committing disparaging remarks to a system which will keep logs is pretty stupid (does your company have a bullying clause in its ethics policy?). No need for any threats. Leave it implied. If you don't get a positive reaction, go to HR.

Its not really worth changing who you are for unless of course you want to.
 
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